How do I become a better wife?

Question

I am a new wife. How can I balance work, school, and household responsibilities? I work at home but it seems I too often neglect domestic chores for my work (I am a freelance writer). The man of the house works a really shitty job and I feel guilty that the house is such a sty.

Answer 1

First of all, don't feel guilty. You're in training AND you have a lot going on!

Second, think about what is really important to you as far as chores you need to get done. For me, bathrooms and kitchen cleanliness are top, but I can deal with it if there's some mail stacked up on the dining room table. So find little ways to just stay on top of those, for example I always have lysol wipes under the sink so if i see the bathroom counter getting a little cruddy, I can just grab a wipe and do a 10 second cleaning job when I'm in there anyway. Those little things here and there keep it under control until you can do a thorough job.

Third, if you're at home but can't get focused on housework, set aside a time everyday (preferably before you get into other stuff) and just CLEAN! Even if you don't get done everything you want, 20 or 30 minutes a day of cleaning with no distractions will make a big difference. Just make that time and don't let anything keep you away from it.

Answer 2

The home is the wife's responsibility.

...no. That's an antiquated notion. In the 1950's, when the husband was the only one who worked and there was less crap to buy, the kids didn't need iPods etc, maybe the wife that stayed at home had the house sparkling. This is 2007 and both partners in a marriage have to work, or study, or both, in order to keep the household going. Equally, the chores around the house have to be divided. His job may suck, but that doesn't relieve him from his share of what goes on around the house. You can delegate the less objectionable tasks to him, ie vacuuming, taking the trash out, etc, if you want to make it easier on him.

But feeling guilty about not having the house shine is really unnecessary. You said it yourself: you're balancing school, and a job, with the household. That's a lot on your plate.

Answer 3

You don't indicate there are issue in the relationship but rather it is your housekeeping that is in question. Soooo....
First - set aside a day or weeked to get the entire house in order - the whole "everything in its place" thing.

Next - every day set aside about 20 - 30 minutes the straighen up. (That's about all it'll take to maintain and already clean house) Schedule this time in if you need to and do not compromise on it.

Put up what you use. If you straighten as you go it won't get out of hand again. For longer tasks schedule a once a week for each. You're a writer so put it in writing make a calendar.

Be open and honest about your feelings with your spouse (if you just can't handle taking out the trash ask him if he would do that one thing).

Read the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Schlessinger

Answer 4

I too am a new wife, and right after we married, the house was almost spotless. Now I take a half day class and my home is a mess, but here´s how I justify it. I am making good grades! I also make sure at least the kitchen is clean-there are some people who let dishes stand in the sink, and this brings bugs into the home. Try to at least keep the kitchen clean.
Talk to your husband and tell him you will do what can be done, and the rest might go to pot, but tell him you´ll try to do it later. If he´s like my husband, he´ll be OK knowing you´re doing the best you can.

Answer 5

Well, it's going to be a difficult task at first but everything will eventually fall into place and come naturally.
There are going to be days where you can't even fake a smile because you're that stressed. If I were you, I would just depend on seeing my husband smile as my key to happiness after a hard days work.
You don't always have to cooke and things like that but be dedicated with what you do and loving to your husband and everything will work out fine.
Also, the two of you can split household chores. Sometimes, you can do his as a treat and vice versa.

Answer 6

Well, you sound like you have your hands full.
First you need to ask yourself, do you need the extra income you produce to sacrifice your responsibilities at home?
If that is a no, then you need to get your act together and be the housewife that you are yearning to be.
You could do freelancing later in the evening for a few hours at a time while the husband is watching TV or reading.
I believe that you know the answer to your question already.

Answer 7

Well, you didn't say what your husband felt about it...Is he complaining? If he is happy then okay, if not the both of you should discuss how you can make it better for both of you. I have been both stay at home and employed outside of the home. Either way both are full time jobs. I do what I can when I can, we have small children at home so as long as it is safe (clean) I am okay and I can do some of it later. I try not to let things build up that way I have smaller jobs to do. Good luck.

Answer 8

How about just clean 2 set things a day...like today is laundry day...and get all the laundry done. And today I'm going to vaccuum the whole house. Atleast by the end of the week most everything will be done. And your hubby can help out too on his days off. Congrats on the new marriage!

Answer 9

Do the best you can with the house work and don't worry about it being a mess. It's not the days of Leave it to Beaver where June is home preparing the meals and cleaning the house all day anymore. You work.

Answer 10

first u might want to read Proverbs 26- the definiton of a wife lies therein. also u have to set aside a bit of time to get your housework done. now everyday you won't be vacuuming or dusting, but things can still be coordinated. how about making a to-do list or buying a chalkboard to set reminders on? you can give yourself at least an hour to get the house together (which can be a relaxing thing) and feel accomplished. good luck!