my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 10 months. i went to his grandmother's memorial dinner with his family. i've been to family birthdays, weddings, and 3 hours away to meet his grandmother. he asked me to move in with him. recently i pretty much moved all my clothes in and started staying here all the time. we volunteer with the jaycees together. we have 2 dogs, a cat, and a fish.
here's the problems.
1 i love his family - hate his mother, but never told him that.
2 he won't even discuss spending the holidays together. my family is in missouri (we are in illinois). he told me to go spend the holidays with them, but he's not coming because he has his own family. he didn't invite me to spend any time with them during the holidays.
i feel like if we can't figure out a way to compromise and spend time with both of our families... we can never get married and have kids. so if he won't discuss a common ground... is there no room left for us to grow?
2007-10-28 08:36:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you guys cannot compromise, then marriage will never work. Good that you are learning this by living together. That's the benefit of living together before marriage. You are better off knowing this now, if you can't work out the small details, then the marriage won't work. Is there a way that you guys can spend Thanksgiving with your family and Xmas with his family? It's a great compromise. Then, you can switch off every year. Maybe, everyonce in awhile, it's okay to do family things separately, but he should be just as interested in finding a common ground as you. It should never be so cut n dry. You don't have to like his Mom, just respect her as his Mom. This is a very important and challenging issue, I have the same one. My fiance established in the beginning that he has never missed Xmas with his Mom. I respect that tradition. So, we do Thanksgiving with my family and I do Xmas with him and his Mom. We all live in different states. However, one Xmas, I spent a few days before Xmas with my family. On Xmas day I flew to be with him and his Mom. So, I was able to work both families in on Xmas. Sometimes, like this year, I'm thinking of doing Xmas with my family as we won't be doing Thanksgiving with my family this year. It's all good, but he should be willing to spend at least one important holiday by traveling to see your folks and making your happy.
2007-10-28 08:55:59 · answer #1 · answered by Susan N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not too much of a major issue. Just alternate holidays or ask him why he doesnt want 2 visit ur famiy. Has to be a reason why. Or if its not a far drive from the 2 states 2 ur fam house then go to 1 fam 1st and then the other after. Me and my husband go 2 my parents 1st and then his b/c they celebrate later. Good luck!!!
2007-10-28 09:48:50 · answer #2 · answered by ceces2261 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I put up with that holiday crap with the in-laws for 20 years. So glad to not have to worry about it anymore. I wanted to grow up, have our own family, create our own traditions, etc. He wanted to please his family and always ignore mine. I would have been happy to have everyone to my house and provide for all, as I did many times. His family felt they were better than mine and sought ways to exclude them. Even got offended if I used the term "my family." These problems can go on forever. Don't sentence yourself to it.
2007-10-28 13:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP. Do NOT move in with him. You will NOT be able to convert him over to your way of doing things. Women wants to change the men & the men wants the women to stay the same as when they dated them. Do you want to cook, clean, give out freebies without being married? Men uses weak-minded women, but they respect the strong-minded ones. Have you ever noticed how they can treat one gal one way, & the next gal some other way? Set your foot down, gal
2007-10-28 08:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by srbyn1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
with no compromise on his part u will soon become disenchanted with him and grow to resent him, he wants it all his way and isn't willing to give your family a part of the holiday's too. move your stuff right on out, and find someone who has respect for u, and who wants to compromise.
2007-10-28 12:33:49 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot openly communicate with one another, then there is a huge chance it won't go anywhere! If you want this to work, then you need to talk these things out and compromise.
2007-10-28 08:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should move out. You should be married before you live together. You are committing fornication. He is totally disrespecting you by letting you live with him, before he is committed to you in marriage. He is certainly not committed to you now, he is putting his family before you. Are you sure you want that kind of guy to be your husband? Do you really think getting married will change any of that? You have a lot of questions to ask yourself and him. Marriage is a life long very important commitment for life. You will be vowing to stay with him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do you part. Are you really wanting to spend your whole life with a guy who won't discuss things with you and who values his family more than you? Hope you will think long and hard and make better decisions.
2007-10-28 08:48:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋