Please someone tell me how I can help my dear friend through?

Question

her grieving process. My dear friend Gloria has recently lost her husband Pete. Pete and Gloria have been my best friends from the time I was a 15 year old run away. We have lived on the Island together for many years.
Gloria has gone into a deep depression and keeps collasping. She has surrounded herself with all the photos of Pete that she can find, she even calls his cell phone just to hear his voice.
My husband and I told her that as soon as we close on the property we will be coming to get her and put her in our 42 foot RV, she can live next door to us.
I spoke with her this am and she is so distraunt, I'm afraid if this continues she won't last a month.
I don't have a place to put her until we close on the property. I am so far away from her that it's impossible for me to be there.
She really is a lovely lady, a nurse.
Can anyone give me any ideas as to how to help my good friend out?

Gloria has medical problems as well. Even with all of her problems she had been working in an adult day care helping others, up until the time that Pete passed. I really don't think that she has the energy to keep going

Let me make one thing clear. Gloria and Pete do not own their home, they rented a cottage on the golf course. Their landlord raised their rent because he figures that they are to old and settled in to move. They have beared this increase in rental fees for the last two years, because he was right. My husband and I would often go over and do regular mainteanaance on the unit for them because we are their friends and the landlord refused to do the up keep.
I have nothing to gain by moving Gloria except to make sure that my good friend is happy and safe.
I agree with the man who stated that Gloria should not make any major decisions for at least a year. As far as Pete's personal possessions go, we will lovingly pack them up with Gloria's assistance and move them with her to her new home, next to mine.
In my younger years Gloria was very inspirational to me, as I was a lost and confused young lady when she took me under her wing. I wanted to be like her, she was so positive

and taught me of my own self worth.
I have been beside Gloria when two of her own daughters perished.
I only want to make sure that my best friend gets to live out her remaining years happy and comfortable.
Gloria has said that she would love to go with us and even stated that she could be the nurse of the RV Resort, for minor emergency's. This gives her something positive to look forward to. We have even said we would raise a red cross flag at her site so that everyone is aware that a minor emergency nurse can take care of them.
I love my friend and just want to help her through this very difficult time in her life. I believe Gloria is in her 70's. I'm just really to emotional at this time to think to clear. But I think she is in her 70's

I did go and see Gloria after Pete passed away and had planned to attend the service. Then we got the call, my husband's grandmother had been given two days to live. I gave Gloria a check to cover some of the funeral expenses and appoligized, but we had to go. We arrived in Rusk, Texas just prior to my husbands granny passing away. Everyone told us that she just held on long enough to see her grandson one more time.
I just spoke with Gloria and her son is with her right now, helping her sort through bills.
She sounded so much better

Gloria told me that her children are insisting that she goes and lives with them. She has decided that she would rather go with my husband Curtis and myself. I think at this time her independence is very important. She does not want to be a burden on anyone. With us, she will have her own place free of charge and will be a part in our resort. It's very important to her that she remains useful.

Answer 1

Your dear friend Gloria has my sympathy...unfortunately, we all must grieve in our own way, for whatever time it takes to bring closure and realization of separation. She will go through several stages of grief, ranging from desparation, separation anxiety, anger, then healing slowly over time....but she will probably never stop grieving to some extent. That is normal. She probably does not want to be around anyone at this time. But there is one facet of this that she needs to be reminded of, and she has forgotten it....she is a nurse, and the world is in great need of real nurses who care. IF I were you, I might, at the right time, suggest that she continue or get back into nursing in the name of her husband! That would redirect her grief into a useful purpose and goal. She could turn her grief into something to help other people who will go through the same thing....she will be in a far better position to help than most others, and she needs to know this. Pete wants NO sacrifices on an altar of memories. He did not leave on purpose, but his time was finished on Earth and he needed to move on to do what he must do. HE will be with her, and if she opens her heart up to him, she will find him everywhere she helps others. I have been there and know what I am saying sounds crazy, but it is not. Her grief is a lesson she has to learn in this life, painful as it may be. At this time, she is a vast resource of help to others who will need her, that is why she is still here! IF I can be of any help to her, please do not hesitate to ask...but she needs to reach out, not you. But please do have this talk with her...she needs to see that their is a purpose in her life now, perhaps more than ever. I wish you peace and love, Goldwing

Answer 2

Some people I know have found strength and purpose in their work. You say she's a nurse, are there those who need and depend on her? In helping others she can use her pain and empathy to be a far better nurse than she ever could before. This is a Jungian archetype, the wounded healer. Their words and advice weigh far more than an ordinary healer. Also; does she have a religion? They help, and on this point they all agree. Those who have passed want us to carry on, learn, grow, develop and continue to make the world a better place. Tell her these things in your own way and remember your high school science " energy cannot be created or destroyed" it does shift around a bit so everyone ever born is still conscious and rootin for us and we do honor to them by being the best that we can.

Answer 3

Your friend is in deep grieving and may need to talk to a counselor, therapist, or grief counselor. The pain of losing a spouse or partner is overwhelming and your friend need as much help as she can get. May I offer a word of advice? Advice that worked very well for me when I lost Gene almost 10 years ago. It would be better for her if she made no important decisions for a calendar year. Why? Because one is not capable of thinking clearly during this time of deep grieving. People have done things like sold their homes, given away all of the deceased belongings, etc. and then really regreted it. I know you want to help her, but please consider this.

I still have a place where I have pictures of Gene and look at them when I'm inspired to do so. I just recently started looking at videos of vacations we took together. We never get over the loss, but it hurts less and less as time passes.

Answer 4

Your friend is so very blessed to have you as her friend. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's loss. It has to be very devasting for her, as you can well imagine. As you may know, there are "seven stages" to grieving, & it will take time for her to go through each one. For now, keep in touch with her daily & just be a good listener. Don't try to give her a lot of advice right now. It's great that you want to take her under your wing, but is she truly ready to leave her home & all those memories behind for good right now? Maybe she could stay with you for a while until she feels stronger mentally, but she may not want to leave the home she shared with her husband. I'm sure she feels his presence there, which may keep her from moving away. You know best what is going on but it's too soon for her to make such big plans. A day at a time.

Answer 5

Does Gloria have any living children? If so, maybe you can call them and tell them how bad it is for her. She needs to see a doctor and get into some grief counseling. They have free programs if she is on a limited income.Are there any of her nursing friends that you know? Maybe you could call someone where she works and ask for some assistance until you can get there to help her. Would it be possible to make a quick trip to get her?

Answer 6

Beverly C is right in her advice and better yet, talk with someone very near her who can just go and pick her up and take her to a doctor ASAP..her grief appears overwhelming and could affect her good judgement...if there is anyone also nearby her who could go stay with her for awhile that would be helpful too. My prayers go out to her and to you ...When I lament on not having a loving mate, I read something like this and realize that maybe I'm not so bad off after all...not certain I could stand that kind of loss of a loved one who had been with me so long.

Answer 7

if she wants to go with you, then she should. if she's in her seventies then she very well might have up to ten years more working life in her. it's probably the best therapy for her to continue working in some capacity. when do you close? she should continue to work helping the elderly until you can install her in your rv park business. and if there isn't enough work for her there, you need to set her up with something else to do nearby. i'm convinced that the personal connections, the useful and rewarding work, will help her more than any meds or psychotherapists at this point in her life, from what you've said about her personality, history, and age. until you can set something up for her, you should be in close touch with her remaining family and make sure she is getting out, staying connected to people. can you go visit?

Answer 8

Check with some of the hospitals and churches in her area. See if any of them have a support group for survivors who are going through the grieving process. The fact that Gloria is surrounding herself with photos of her lost spouse and listening to his voice on a recording tells me she is still in the denial stage. The real depression stage is next, followed by acceptance.
BTW, none of the churches I had contact with during my years of dealing with matters of death ever tried to coerce any of the attendees to join their church. Nor was there ever a charge.

Answer 9

My best friend lost her husband last year too. What she appreciated the most is having friends and family who would drop everything to talk to her when she needed it.
Your friend could probably benefit from some grief counseling. A Dr. might prescribe some medications which could help her get through this terrible time in her life.
Good luck. She's lucky to have such a good friend as you.

Answer 10

Dear Lord: I want a friend like
you. Nowhere in my memory
can I remember anyone who
cared enough to actually want
to provide a home and decent
life for a friend. You bring tears to my eyes. This kind
of caring is almost nonexistant anymore...or at
least I have not seen it.
It would be wonderful if you
all could be together and soon. I wish I could give you
an answer.