A friend told me his theory about relationships. He said that unmarried couples work harder at keeping a relationship together because if it would be so easy to end it (just move out), then by staying together you are making more of an effort to stay together.
Many married people I know won't get divorced because it would cost too much, both financially and emotionally, so they stay together in spite of the relationship problems. My parents were good examples of this.
I am not suggesting that married couples don't have to work on their relationships because a good relationship is based on love and respect for each other, and a continuing compromise when you have differences.
But do you feel that married couples work harder because they have so much to lose, or do unmarried couples work harder because they have nothing to lose?
2007-10-28 07:01:03 · 6 answers · asked by Rainbow 6 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Good morning, Ms. Lioness -- interesting analogy to the free market system. I like that.
2007-10-28 07:38:35 · update #1
Morning Ms Rainbow,
It works the same way the free market works. The person who is not married is like that customer that's free to eat at a different restaurant if it satisfies the needs better. You can lose the customer if you're not keeping them happy, so free competition keeps you on your toes and make you work harder. When you're married, you have them tied to your restaurant by contract. They officially and legally have to stick to it, even when the food is shitty. This puts less pressure on the restaurant, and gets the customer a worse deal by bringing the quality down. But overall, it's more convenient to stay idle to the same good ol' stable plan, even if it's not the best and not really working. Besides, have you ever tried getting out of a legal contract you've already signed? Can be a serious pain in the azz....
Kinda joking, but not really LOL
EDIT: Josh G, of course you can. The rules of politics and economics can be applied to most things in our every-day lives---but then again, I was a POLS major, so I may be biased :) Of course we have great marriages too. But for me, personally, a little competition has always improved my restaurant LOL
2007-10-28 07:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by Lioness 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I think it probably varies from person to person, or couple to couple, but most of the research I've done indicates just the opposite. Unmarried couples do not have to work so hard on their relationship because there is an easy way out, while married couples who are in it for I think the right reasons--love; a genuine liking for each other; lasting sexual chemistry; commitment to each other; commitment to living, loving, learning, building, and growing together; faithfulness to God or a Higher Power: etc.--are more willing to work hard on the relationship and to do what it takes to stay together, to build a durable fire. This is a description of a spiritual marriage, which is all too rare. Yet it does exist.
As for conventional marriages (alas the norm), in which the couple stays together just because there is a legal contract, financial ties, and children, most of the answerers here are right: There is no need to work on the relationship. After all it's just a contract.
2007-10-28 09:32:07 · answer #2 · answered by Indi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lioness, as a fan of eastern philosophy, I love me a good analogy. The best ones work from any angle, top to bottom.
Yours, ESPECIALLY the part about non-competition contracts and lowering quality hit me in the heart.
Yes, married couples, while they may stay together through worse crap, do not work harder at the success of the relationship, often the reverse. They accept 'crappy food' or 'crappy service,' and 'seldom tip well,' because they know they are under contact.
Of course, this isn't true of all marriages, but many.
Anyway, Lioness, can I use that? I have to share that analogy with my friends. Well done!
2007-10-28 11:04:35 · answer #3 · answered by eine kleine nukedmusik 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you completely. From what I've seen, marriage often complicates things, and like you said, some married couples don't feel the need to work as hard (though some do, of course - every relationship is different).
My boyfriend's parents were never married, and they have been together happily for 20 years. Their relationship is built on trust, honesty, and cooperation. They have a healthy, beautiful, committed relationship. Their's is the best relationship I have ever seen between two people.
Another point of married/unmarried... I'd much rather be unmarried and know that my partner was with me because he truly wanted to be, than be married and know that he was only still with me because of legal reasons.
2007-10-28 07:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by Kristin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Married couples have to work harder at it, because if they don't it gets very messy.
The extra complication of needing a divorce could also help stall a break up long enough to find a solution.
But every relationship is different. Most likely however your friend is justifying why he doesn't want to get married in a way that sounds better than "I just want to be able to get out when things go bad".
2007-10-28 07:07:24 · answer #5 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is a number of things, for one, yes you might be right that some people take the marriage for granted after a year or 2. Another reason might be that many people see getting married (usually the woman) as the big goal and once that is achieved have little interest in making the marriage work or staying married, because what is the worst thing that could happen ? You get alimony and child support and half his stuff, right ? Sweeeeeeeeeeet.
2007-10-28 08:15:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋