others are so unfortunate, but where do i come in? listed here are my TRUE feelings, feedback please..?

Question

lately i have been feeling depressed. as always, since i was young, happy things have an opposite effect on me- i start to feel depressed. i dont know why, but it's always been like that. on christmas, i feel depressed, on my birthday when I got present, I would want to cry because I didnt deserve those presents or that attention.

well, i dont know where life is taking me. my mother is sick (no physical ailements, just symptoms she has has heart disease) and she burdens me all the time. i want to cry, but i dont want to tell her to stop because I'm afraid she'll become weak and die. like she tells me "oh i shouldn't wait to use this in the spring, i'll be dead by then" and in normal conversations, she starts to lecture me "well, you have to learn how to do this, because i might just drop dead tomorrow." i really dont know if she means to make me sad, maybe not, but it really extremely does. and im not sure if im the only one in my family that feels like this. my friend brought it up

(continuation) the other day and i just started to cry. and it was in the midst of a very crowded place, i felt so embarassed. but i feel like im the only one in my family who feels like this. and the biggest problem is, i am extremely annoyed at my mother lately. yesterday, she was screaming she wanted my room clean. she calls me a pig, she calls me fat, she tells me to "keep on eating, trucking" and that I "gain weight by the second" (I am 128 lbs, and very out of shape). I am already thinking about my weight very often and I dont need others to tell me how I look or how I should feel anymore than what i feel. and she told me yesterday that my sister and i have no friends because of me. because my sister is embarassed of me, my sister tells my mother i act like a confused retard in school. i cant believe my own sister would say such things and i do believe my mother because i've heard my sister saying these things when im not there.. &shes so mad all the time i think because of me

i thought she was the person i could confide in, but now i dont know where to turn. i feel alone, more alone than i have ever ever felt. i just wanted someone who i could tell my feelings to, that wouldnt judge me or make me feel like an idiot. someone who i could love and be loved by but i dont think anyone is out there for me.

YOU FUC KING ASSHOLES. IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY DONT SAY IT AT ALL. WHY WOULD I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. WHO AM I SHOWING? I HAVE YET TO TELL SOMEONE MY FUC KING PROBLEM. I FEEL AS WORSE AS IT IS AND I DONT NEED MORE PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT I FEEL BAD FOR MYSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

sounds like your just feeling sorry for yourself stop being so selfish and get over yourself

Answer 2

You need to start to work on self-appreciation. You are a good person, you just need to tell yourself more. Somewhere during your life, somebody made you feel like you were a bad person, and that has left a lasting impression on your perception of the world and yourself.
You also probably feel pressured during the holidays and your birthday to make everyone happy and not appear selfish. It's time to relax. Remember, the holidays aren't whether everything goes perfectly, but whether you had a good time. Just relax and don't think about what goes wrong, think about what goes right. Be happy, a good person like you deserves it.

Your mother is looking for sympathy. She thinks she's nearing the end of her life, and when a person reaches this point in their life, they spend a lot of their time reflecting on death and their lives. They are analyzing their memories, trying to decide if they were a good person or not. She may feel guilt for things such as she thinks she hasn't been a good mother, she hasn't been a good person, or she hasn't spent enough time with you.
What she wants secretly is to know she's been a good mother and that you are all going to miss her when she's gone. So next time she talks about dropping dead tomorrow, tell her this "Mom, please don't say things like that, it upsets me because I love you so much."
Then, if she persists in the comments, tell her this "Mom, if you are really this worried about dying, would you like to set apart some time to sort out your will?"
Be sure to randomly let her know how great of a mom and a person she is, and how much you appreciate her. You two could bake cookies together. If you feel like you need to get things done, let her know that you've made plans on a certain day to do this and this and this. It will help that you keep her in the loop if you feel like you are spending all your time together. Then suggest that you do something together later that day or the next day. She's just afraid of being alone.

Answer 3

You have been listening to someone who is waiting to die.
Mom gets attention by bringing up her imminent death. Mom keeps you from expressing your thoughts and feelings by causing you to think that you'll hasten her death.
No wonder you are depressed. All this stress on the negative would do that.
You've been someone who didn't appreciate the positives since you were a kid.
It might be a tendency in your family and a natural inclination for you.
No one here can help you talk about what you'd like to change and how to do that. Please try seeing a counselor. You might have to try a few, before you find a good fit.
Yes. You will always be able to find those less fortunate than you and you can learn to appreciate the good things more than you do, now. It will take some work and some trashing of habitual attitudes, but you aren't satisfied with things the way they are now, so try something new. It has got to get better than this.
C. :)!!

Answer 4

Feelings just are, you can't help the way you feel, it just happens.

Having said that, you have to recognize why you feel that way, could it be you are depressed because you compare what some of your friends don't have? If so share with them, it will make them happy if you do it from the heart and not because you are boasting.

Of course you deserved those presents, see this is the thinking that you have to examine, for instance where is the proof that you are not deserving of presents or being acknowledged by your loved ones on your birthday. They love you, love them back, when it is their birthday and Christmas don't you show them the same way how much they mean to you?

Family is important but you should talk openly with your mother and cry if you must to make her understand that the mere thought of losing her is very painful to you, because you love her so, tell her you have your own life but that she is part of that life and you will always be there for her, and you do not want to think about what you will have to deal with once she is gone until you really have to. I'm sure she will understand and maybe even cry together that is ok. its ok for you to have and show emotion, you can then learn how to control your negative thinking, not all your thoughts are negative now or wrong, this is why you examine them.

If it is something you have the power to do something about then do it and let it be over. If it isn't something you have control over, forget about it and let the people in charge deal with it.

Life is a journey my friend and honesty really does make things easier, be honest with your mom and yourself. take care

Answer 5

Definitely sounds like depression, probably caused by your living/family conditions. If you let it go on too long it will some day snap up and bite you in the @ss. I've had depression for over 30 years and had a miserable life until about 10 years ago I tried an antidepressant and now I feel much better. But it can't repair the broken relationships from the past. If you can't afford a counselor go see a minister or ask your Dr. for something to try-there are SO many now. Don't wait anymore.

Answer 6

You wrote these problems you were having and then people write and say you are feeling sorry for yourself. I dont see it that way at all and think you are having some very hard times with a mother who is manipulating you and being very very mean to you. Parents have a big impact on how happy their kids are or how safe they feel in the world. Your mom (sorry to say) sounds like she is depressed, doesnt handle her emotions very well, and gets so very mean spirited. I would bet she doesnt have many friends.
Depression runs in the family. I have gone thru a lot of what you have. I totally understand your feelings. My mother did a lot of things that hurt me so very badly. She would embarrass me in front of other people by calling me selfish but even if I was selfish, wasnt it her that raised me to be that way. Besides, I wasnt being selfish. I know that because I can look back at the things that happened and it was like 30 years ago. She left me with potentially what could be a lifetime of scars but I take meds, have been in many years of counseling, and have learned that it is not my fault. None of the things my parents did was because of me. I was just born into this and have to work on it a lot.
When you say that you dont ever feel like you deserve things, and that they make you sad, you know this is just a mixed up emotion and I will tell you right here and now that your mom had a big part in your feeling that.
Please talk to someone about all this. They will put your mind at ease that you deserve to have the feelings you have and that you are not a bad person. I wish I could tell you who to talk to because I would doubt your mother would get you in to see a good counselor. But maybe your friend you mentioned is a good start.
Its so sad to me that your sister said something about you being a confused retard at school. That has got to hurt so bad. Name calling is very hurtful as you know. You have a right to be angry about it but try not to do the same to other people. That will make things worse. One thing I learned to say to someone who makes a mean or stupid or hurtful statement to me is to say "Thanks for sharing that" Try that on your mother the next time she tells you she is about to drop dead. She might get mad. But then you just have to leave it at that and walk out of the room.
Bless your heart. I hope you find someone to talk to and probably some antidepressants. Come back and share your feelings often on this and you will see that some people are going to say mean things but for the most part, people really do care for each other.

Answer 7

You sure do have a lot to get off your chest. Life is challenging you left and right, and every time you shout, 'NO MORE!' more gets dropped *plop* on your head, and it's getting very heavy.

Now is time to buck up. You are sad about your mother... how do you think she feels? She thinks she's freakin dying!

This may be tough to take, but you are being a tad selfish right now. That isn't uncommon for people in your situation. You are distraught, and that sadness has become the totality of your universe. Unfortunately, that is keeping you from seeing that others around you are also sad and need you.

Yes, that stone on your back weighs a thousand pounds, but you have to stand and carry it. You can. Everyone experiences what you are experiencing right now, they just have different ways of carrying it, and, from your own personal sadness, it is hard to see that the stone on everyone's back is as heavy (and often heavier) than your own.

You must must must put your own sadness aside, and become involved with others. Look at their sadness. Imagine how they must feel. Consider your own sadness to just be an ordinary sadness. Help others with theirs. Once you become selfless rather than selfish, you will see that your own sadness is not greater than anyone else's, and in many cases, very manageable.

Char, once again, your ability to make your point clearly and concisely impresses me.

Answer 8

Dear Rudy,

It sounds to me like somehwere along the line you may have had someone or some event convince you that you weren't worthy - of anything. I'm guessing you're not very attached to people either. I'm guessing you feel like you have this big huge blackness or ugliness inside of you and you sometimes fear people may see it. IF this is the case, there's hope and there's help. This is an illness that can be treated. Similar to depression but different in how it affects you. Don't wait. Seek professional help. Your low self-esteem and depressed feelings don't have to ruin the rest of your life. You can look forward to tomorrow and enjoy something without mentally depreciating it or minimizing the greatness or niceness of it - yourself included.

You are a smile on my face. ::::::::hug::::::: You are worth it.

Answer 9

Sounds like a very unfortunate, miserable situation. I sympathize for you. You should talk with a therapist- not a school counselor but an independent therapist, if possible. You may benefit from anti-depressants. I'm not a psychologist, but from what knowledge of depression that I have, it sounds like you're heading in that direction.

Answer 10

hi friend!!
i m also like u,i also have to face problems due to fatness,im also fat ...but i think u have more problems then me,
if u like u can tell me,
meet me on my id : "[e-mail]"
i will try to help u,i will be your friend ok
all the best & god bless u

i want to tell ur mother that why she thinks that she is not going to live anymore? death is in god's hand...it is not necessory that the doctors are right , the biggest doctor is god,he can do any miracle ,inshort your mother should not think like that..

ok ,if your mother thinks that she is not going to live anymore than,she should not treat u badly,but she should spread love,by this her life will be happy...& she will get blessings from others..

u know it is not important how long we live,but the main thing is how kindly we live,

Answer 11

wow, ok. there's medication for that u know. u need to realize that life is a happy thing ment to enjoy. you deserve gifts for being you, and it means people are happy you were born! as for your mom, my mom say that too. go out with your friends after she does that and PARTY! it'll make u feel a whole lot better. or tell her it makes u sad, everything will be FINE!