how can i stop feeling like this?

Question

I am feeling really depressed at the moment. I have generally a good marriage and am told a lot that I am extremely attractive but I am consistently paranoid about my husband seeing other women and thinking they are attractive. He has never cheated on me and is extremely attentive and affectionate but I hate it when we are in the same room as an attractive woman as I always wonder that my husband is thinking she is good looking too. He says he feels he can't talk to another woman unless she is totally unattractive for fear of what I will be thinking. He says he isn't interested in anyone but me , however I know this doesn't mean that he doesn't think that other women are pretty and it drives me up the wall. I wish he didn't ever have to see other women, but I know this is childish and unrealistic. Please help

Answer 1

Hon, you need to get some therapy to find out why you are so insecure. You have a good marriage and you are ruining it with your petty jealousy. Are you telling me that you've never spoken to an attractive man? How would you feel if your husband flew off the roof because a good looking guy started up a conversation with you? Would you be tempted to cheat? No, then why do you assume your husband would?
Seriously, this is your problem and you need to talk to someone (therapist, minister, etc) before your husband says enough is enough.

Answer 2

Putting a wedding ring on your finger does not make you go blind. He will always notice other women, the point is he goes home with you. I used to feel the same way and then i realized...he is a man he is a person, of course he will be attracted to other women, it is natural it is not a choice it is a chemical thing hon. I learned to embrace the fact that women would flirt with my husband, because I just used to look at them and think...but he's coming home with me. That made me feel good. I liked to see how many women thought that my husband was hot. It really helped my self esteem. HOW? Well, I figured, he is sooo hot, he obviously had his pick of sexy women...HE CHOSE ME!!! wow my hottie chose me...Learn to use it to your advantage. And I agree about making your own destiny. If you are so worried all of te time that he will want another woman, then you will push him away. You will eventually start accusing him of cheating. It is impossible for a man to prove his innocence in the situation. Impossible! You will drive him into the arms of another woman. Can you imagine loving someone too much?...it can happen...Chill out. Enjoy the fact that your husband finds other women attractive because appearantly you still take the cake in his eyes. Relax:)

Answer 3

How can you stop feeling like that?

Maybe you should go and seek counseling.

I'm afraid it's already affected your marriage because you mentioned how your husband is afraid to talk to other women unless she is totally unattractive for fear of you.

It's affected your marriage because you are consumed with jealousy. You aren't alone though. I've been told I'm very attractive, more so than I actually believe in myself. I just feel I'm "average". However, my neighbors (woman) get so jealous and mad if they see me talking to their husbands outside while walking my dog.
Hey, I'm not flirting with them (the husbands), we all say hello, but sometimes the wives come outside and I say hi to them and start including them into the conversation. I see them make a mad nod to let their husband's know it's time to come inside. It makes "me" feel really bad, because I would never, ever sleep or be with a married man. I'm just friendly and outgoing. (and I'm petite which they aren't)

Is your husband friendly and outgoing? If so, does he kind of "tone it down a lot" when you two go out? And you know that he's acting different so that might bring on some fears of other pretty woman not having the same jealousy as you? and then you start thinking about losing him because she's beautiful and "appears" to be very confident?

All of the happens a lot. It sounds like your husband does love you very much, but there isn't much more he can do about your insecurity. Maybe if you talk to your husband and let him know you are going to work on it and will be going to a marriage counselour about it, he will more than likely respect you even more than he already does.

He needs to have to some pressure taken off him. As long as he hasn't "stared beautiful women down" to the point where there is eye contact and smiles, I wouldn't worry about it as much as you do.

I dated a man who use to actually do that and it annoyed me to the point where I'd just say, take me home. Then he'd act like what? Why? I also would say, hey, don't pull that crap on my watch. If you want to be with me, be with me. But you are taking this staring and flirting crap infront of me too far and it's disrespectful toward me.

Now, I'm not exaggerating, it's one thing for a man to look at a women who is attractive and it's a whole new world when they stare so long, it's obvious to her and everyone around us.

He told me I was too jealous, I told him no, I wasn't going to be humiliated by him anymore...there is a difference.

However you feel, is never childish or unrealistic. Realizing you have this problem is half the battle, now learning to be more assured about yourself and your marriage is the next step. Talk to a marriage counselour, it can't hurt.

If something "drives you up the wall" like this, it's time to talk to a professional and there isn't a thing wrong with trying to become a better woman first and that will make a better wife.

Good luck ~

Answer 4

I've been married for almost 15 years, so I have a bit of experience. It's natural for a man to look at other women -- you can't tell me you don't notice other men! It's not natural to completely ignore members of the opposite sex just because you are married. That's not faithfulness and monogamy are all about. Faithfullness and monogamy are based in whether or not you cheat on your spouse. As long as your husband doesn't have an affair with any of these women, and as long as he's telling you he isn't interested in anyone other than you, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Looking at other people (by either your husband or yourself) can also help in making your marriage stronger because it can help you really appreciate what you have in your mate.

Answer 5

You have what I call "jealousy" and a low self-esteem of yourself. Do yourself a favor and make a list of the physical qualities you like, and a list of the physical qualities you don't like about yourself. Work on improving the qualities that you like least until you are happy with who you are.
The jealousy is something you will need to work out of your system over time. Start by talking to your husband about how you feel when other women you find attractive are around him. If you know that he does find a particular woman attractive at any time in the future, figure out exactly what it is that got his attention and do one better than her.(ex. if it was the type of shoe, color of dress, way she carries herself, etc.) I personally like to dress in a very sexy way for my man when we go out. I know that it draws a lot of stares and attention from other men, but we both know that I dress that way for him. I arrived with him and we will be leaving together at the end of the night. Once you increase your self-esteem your confidence level goes up as well, then NO WOMAN will ever intimidate you again. Until then GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

Your husband sounds BETTER than good. Of course he sees attractive women. After all, half of the world's population are female. But unlike many husbands, yours is faithful. Yours obviously thinks you're the only one he wants. Being paranoid can only lead to trouble. Relax and enjoy what a lot of other people don't have.

Answer 7

Well, it's quite obvious you love him very much to be this defensive of other good looking women. But trust is the underlying issue here. You have to let go of this insecurity so you can both enjoy each others company. Worry about other women only if something starts forming. This world is full of beautiful people. You will worry yourself sick of trying to keep him from viewing them. It's like not being able to look at someone elses well kept property. It's going to be there to view and you just can't do anything about that. Trust in him and this will pass.

Answer 8

Unfortunately you cannot afford to live on a secluded island with just the two of you. You are fortunate that he's never cheated on you so don't make him do it. Some men would carry out what you think they can do.
Enjoy your marriage whiles he still gives you attention and affection, otherwise you will push him right into the hands of s'one else. What you don't know doesn't hurt, so make him feel free around you, and stop speculating.
Look who's talking!!! I usually do the same, though with mine, he's cheated on me severally so i don't trust him. If you trust yours, keep it that way, your poor mind needs a rest from paranoia

Answer 9

You know that you see other men and think that they are attractive, that doesn't mean you are going to cheat on your husband with them. Just remember who he has chosen to be his wife and who he goes home to everyday. When he sees other attractive women, be assured he has made his choice of the one he wants and you should be happy that it is you and not them.

If you keep up this behavior, you maybe smothering him and that can run a person off. So be content that you are his chosen one and let all that other stuff go.

Answer 10

It seems to me that you may have a problem with your own self confidence and the best thing to do is to build that up. You can try counseling but also try to find books to read which will help you feel better about yourself. I will list one below as a link.
It could be that you have seen someone, perhaps your father or another male figure in your family, cheat on his wife, and that is causing paranoia that your husband may do the same thing, so counseling may help with that. Good Luck to you..