My husband disrespected me, I ignored his friend, was i wrong?

Question

He argued with me vehemently about his inappropraite communications with a lady . He said many hurtful things to me, including ' you are a witch'. Did not tell me his friend was coming over for the weekend until next day when we were both leaving the house for work. They both came to pick me up after work and i was very civil with his friend, who i'm usually friendly with. When i offered his friend some snack he said he was full up since he had eaten chinese food,(with him i think). So i did not bother with dinner, and not feeling well as well, i went straight to bed. Usually i would wake up early and made breakfast for them, but i thought witches don't tend to their husband's guests so i stayed in bed till they left at 11.30am. Was this wrong? I was trying to be firm 'cos he does it to me too often. shouldn't i have been told before hand of a visitor?

Answer 1

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. Sounds like you are taking a stand. Which is good. Your husband needs to know that you are an individual and deserve the same respect as he wants. If there is nothing to hide then he shouldn't be getting so defensive when questioned regarding his behavior with this other women. You are his wife and he needs to wake up and start treating you as a priority in his life and give you the love, respect and companionship that a married man should be giving his wife. His lack of respect for not telling you his friend was coming over was rude and in my opinion you handled it well. Marriage is two people and it sounds like he is treating it as just one. It takes each individual to put 100% into their marriage to make it a success, and truthfully it sounds like you are more committed to this marriage then he is. I hope that you will be able to find out the answers that are bombarding your heart and be able to work through this with as much dignity as possible. You sound like a wonder women who deserves so much better. Its amazing what a women does for her man despite how he treats her. Trust me I am in the exact same boat. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 2

My husband usually does the same thing, i think it's a guy thing. Most times they know that you will say no to having company over so to get around that they just don't ask or wait till the very last minute to say something. On the other hand i think both of you need to work on the way you communicate with each other. Instead of saying hurtful words that you don't mean or might regret it would be better if one of you leave the situation for approximately (1) hour until you're better able to communicate your feeling without the hurtful words.

Answer 3

Yes you should have been told before hand, but also if he is a close friend there is no reason to clean the house and cook a 7 course meal. You should have been friendly with his friend, just as you always are. None of this was his friend's fault.

Life is full of surprises, sometimes you just have to make the best of them rather than acting like a spoiled child.

Answer 4

If the verbal abuse is one way then leave him or put a stop to it. It is so easy to get in the habit of playing the "payback" . It only makes things worse in the long run. Yes, he was wrong about not telling you he had guest for the weekend. Tell him the two of you need to settle what is wrong with the marriage or get divorced. It is no way to live.

Answer 5

it is bad when mates/friends/buddies come before the wife, I have never understood why guys need to have mates who are more important than a wife, the only thing I can see you did wrong was to stay in bed unless you were tired, if you stayed there because of them, well that was wrong, you should have got up, got your own breakfast, but totally ignored them, a household should be a joint effort between a husband and wife, any goings on, should be discussed, before the event, your husband needs to grow up, before he loses you, because you can only accept so much ****, before you need to stand firm

Answer 6

That was your being firm? I actually think it was pretty polite to offer a snack and all. I do think there was a way that you could of got your husbands attention more....next time he springs something like that on you, tell him that sounds fun, since you are going to busy tonite I think I will give my best friend a call and see if she wants to do something, we haven't talked in too long. Then you go and do your thing. That way you will be having too much fun to resent anything that he is doing.

Answer 7

How convenient for his friend to come over for the weekend so that your husband does not have to further discuss an issue that is bothering you! When my husband had informed me that morning that his friend was coming I would have told him to cancel it on that short of notice......why should you care about what matters to him when he has no consideration in what matters to you? I would have reacted the same way toward his lovely visit had I been put on the spot like that! Your husband could have choosen to deal with you for the weekend instead of intertaining his friend. Your feelings and emotions should mean more to your husband in getting things right with you than worring about being right with his friend. Yes.... you should be given the respect from your husband in more ways than one here and he needs to be accountable for his actions about his inapropriate behavior toward this woman when it affects your feelings for him and it is unacceptable to you!!!!

Answer 8

he shows disrespect for u, doesn't consider your feelings at all. he name calls because u touched on a subject he is not willing to discuss, cause he knows he is wrong. if he name called why would u fix dinner or act civil in any way? u ignored the friend because u felt hurt, and he should have ask u before he invited the friend in the first place.

Answer 9

Ok, so your husband does wrong and you punish... the innocent bystander? Doesn't sound right to me. I prefer to keep my squabbles private. I'd have continued to be friendly and polite to the visitor to my home, and maintained in front of the guest as best as I could, but made sure hubby could tell how I feel, and would have flat out told him first chance I got him alone!

Answer 10

He should have told you about your house guest, but it was very rude, immature and wrong what you did.

His friend has nothing to do with your marital troubles. He was wrong to call you names, and you were wrong to act so childish. Try growing up, learning to deal with things as an adult, and maybe do some counseling.