I've been with my partner for some years now but recently she has gone completely cold towards me,she never wants sex anymore and on the offchance that i do get it she doesn't want to face me or kiss me,she asn't mentioned anything that's bothering her and i've asked her if there's anything she wants to tell me she says no.Even the conversation in our relationship has gone stale and i just don't know what i'm doing wrong (if i'm doing owt wrong) i have said i'll leave if she doesn't want me here but she says she does.I just don't know what to do, we can't go on like this for much longer. What do i do?
2007-10-28 04:09:49 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't suffer from any personal hygeine problems so that rules that out. I have tried talking to her but i'm getting nowhere that is why i've turned to the people on Yahoo. I have asked if there is anybody else but she says no,deep down i think there could be! I just don't know, if there was anyone else why won't she tell me? or why won't she tell me what is wrong
2007-10-28 05:12:26 · update #1
Hmmm - sounds like she's ashamed of something if she doesn't want to face or kiss you. Too much intimacy...
I'm assuming you have good personal hygiene right? Teeth brushed, hair combed, body showered? It's not that she is getting funked out by some BO?
Tell her what you've told us - this can't go on this way much longer, you don't know why she's shut down emotionally and physically, and you need to talk openly and without judgement. Has she had an affair? Is she dealing with some aspect of her past that she finds shameful? (molestation, rape?) Is she trying to figure out how to leave the relationship without hurting you? (so she's acting this way hoping you'll get fed up and leave her?) Or is she having a problem with depression?
It's not fair of her to keep you in the dark - you are both in this relationship together and whatever is affecting her is affecting you - so time to talk!
Good luck hon!
Edit - Neil - she won't tell you about the other person because then she has to admit to herself that she's done something wrong - and she risks hurting you to the quick, which is something that she might be trying to avoid. Sounds wacky but it's true. She may have made a mistake and doesn't know how to deal with it - so she's punishing herself and avoiding you.
I don't know how you've been dealing with her - but try the opposite tactic. If you've been calm and understanding - get a little fire going and shock her with some anger. If you've been angry - then shock her with some kindness. Throw a wrench into the works and see what falls out. It sounds like you've both slipped into a sort of routine - do what you can to get out of it.
2007-10-28 04:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound a little harsh to you, but it sounds like she is no longer that into you. You have been together for some years, she may feel that it is too many years to throw away by breaking up, or she may have some security issues (financial or emotional). At any rate, it is unfair to live with such a relationship when one is withholding and the other is trying to figure out what's going on.
This best thing to do is tell her how you feel. You can even tell her that you don't want to go on like this and then be prepared to do what you say you are going to do.
Change is difficult and most of us go into it kicking and screaming, but sometimes you just don't have a lot of choice.
Good luck.
2007-10-28 11:22:37 · answer #2 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the problem is not with her. Have you cooled down your affection towards her? Always treat her like you did when you were trying to win her heart. Go on dedicated "Date Nights" together. Cook her a delicious steak, or take her to her favorite eatery. Surprise her with flowers for no special reason. If we men forget something important to our companions i.e. anniversaries, birthdays etc., they think they are not important to us. Therefore they are less responsive to our advances. Never stop telling her you love her. That she is beautiful to you. That she is the most important person in the world to you. You maybe surprised at the way she responds. On the other hand, there could other things going on that need to be considered. But, before accusations are allowed to fester and grow out of proportion or even suspicions true or false, always treat her with love and respect. If you truly do love her, make sure that you show her and tell her every day. Remember, if both of you want to be together, then nothing can tear you apart from the outside. Forgiveness and understanding is vital. Anything, even unfaithfulness, can be forgiven, and relationships can continue to grow and get stronger if both parties are willing to forgive, accept, understand, and embrace each other. No one is perfect. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
2007-10-28 11:39:36 · answer #3 · answered by zredd7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband and I went through that. I still loved him more than anything, but I had a lot on my mind and kind of withdrew. He freaked out and pushed and pushed and pushed. that just made matters worse; it took longer for me to "un withdraw"
Just don't push, buy her a rose so she knows you still love her. ask her if she has a lot on her mind, offer help. Tell her you'll respect the fact that she needs some space AND GIVE IT TO HER. Remind her you are there if she needs you. Try not to make her feel guilty, that will just more for her to worry about. Be there to listen. THis is when women may stray, they may find someone that WILL listen , without pressure or guilt.
This happened several times during our marriage, and we were together 15 years.
Good luck
2007-10-28 11:26:25 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Ashley K. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's either suffering from depression, or she's cheating.
Have her get a complete check-up by a doctor, and if they don't find anything PHYSICAL, then it's emotional or mental. There's plenty of meds available that can restore a person to their real self.
If it's that she's cheating, you need to either break up or work through these issues. Counseling could help in that case.
Good luck to you both.
2007-10-28 11:15:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like counseling may be benficial to you both. That and doing something to put the spark back into your relationship. Take her away for a romantic weekend somewhere. Good luck!
2007-10-28 11:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You claim this person has been your "partner" for several years...she probably wants to be your WIFE
2007-10-28 13:45:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is someone else on her mind or in her heart.
2007-10-28 11:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by seahorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Comunicate, talk ..... fix it or move on.
Some times people grow apart ...... sometimes stuff gets between them .....
I wish you the wisdom to know the difference ......
2007-10-28 11:14:46 · answer #9 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to print this out and let her read it and then see what she says sometimes you can explain your self better in writing gl
2007-10-28 11:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by lostNowMoreThenEver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋