Last year, I married a wonderful woman I had dated for three years. Ever since a few months before we married, she insists I am interested in another woman and she can not trust me. This is absoultely not true! I have done everything in my power to convince her how much I love her, but no matter what I do or say, she always picks something out of the conversation to claim proves that she is right. She has taped my phone conversations, gone through my personal papers, checks my computer history. There is no evidence for her to find because I am doing nothing, but she still insists I am. She says her "instincts" are never wrong. What should I do? I know she is miserable and I love her so much. This is taking its toll on both of us. How do you get through to someone who is convinced that you are a cheater? How do you prove that something that does not exist is not true?
2007-10-28 04:07:54 · 21 answers · asked by William K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What started her suspicion was when her ex sister-in-law got a job and my place of employment and I did not tell her. Her ex sister-in-law does not like my wife over an ex lover, but seems to turn up everywhere in my wife's life. That isn't my fault.
2007-10-28 04:09:29 · update #1
id suggest counseling and/or psyachric help, that may sound harsh but she needs to stop being so paranoid. it also may be that she is having an affair and simply is looking for evidence or an accuse that she can leave you. ( i have seen many women around me do this not sure if its in this case)
2007-10-28 04:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by djmixah7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe I would say your wife is jealousy. To a woman, she will always want her husband belongs to her. Especially when he talks to another lady. Whatever things that are talked or discussed, should not be out of her sight. Otherwise, there will be an irritating feelings in her heart! No matter its true or false, she will be uncomfortable for the whole day! Unless you do things openly.
Let her read your mails together. Talk openly while you're on the phone. Bring her along when you have any appointment with female friends. Once or twice, when she realise that there is nothing behind you and them, automatically, she will not follow any more. Let her know who calls you, if you think she is still suspicious. Inform her where you go, having appointment with whom, and don't forget to give her a call when you're out somwhere, or for long hours. All these can help you prove to her that you really loves her. Nothing secrets behind you.
2007-10-28 12:36:07 · answer #2 · answered by cancerlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've caused this suspicion. Why didn't you tell your wife that her enemy got a job at your place of employment? Did you even care about your wife's feelings or maybe even safety, especially if what you say is true the woman is turning up everywhere in your wife's life.
This is your fault. I would just divorce her if you don't like her snooping, because you caused it. And as miserable as she it, I would say she would be okay with it--been there done that!
2007-10-28 11:24:31 · answer #3 · answered by Ida T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife has some serious trust issues that are hers alone. Her behavior is over the top, especially since you have done nothing to bring it on. It's all in her warped little mind.
You yourself don't get through to her. You, by yourself, will never be able to convince her that you are not a cheater. She has problems and they need to be dealt with by a professional. Maybe she will be able to overcome them with therapy, but you are kidding yourself if you think you can fix her alone.
She is fortunate to have such a loving husband that has not let these issues come between you. It would be very difficult to live with someone that was always accusing me of cheating.
2007-10-28 11:32:26 · answer #4 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did this to yourself. What else of you withheld? I don't blame her. If I was suspicious, you better believe the private eye would come out in me as well, not because I would love you so much, but because the quicker I find out something, the quicker I would get rid of a low-life cheater.
You're the one that needs the help. Don't get on here and try to convince us to agree with you so you can justify your "withholding." That's the oldest trick in the book. You've obviously haven't had a lot of experience with women in your life. We're smarter than you think. You're guilty as charged!
2007-10-28 11:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by Phoebe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I were dating he was conviced that I still had feelings for my ex, just because every now and then I spoke about him or talked about some place that we had went. It almost tore us apart but finally I told him he had to leave the past in the past because I couldn't go on like this. Neither of us has spoke about it since. I'm not sure how you can convice her that its not true. She doesn't trust you and trust is hard to get back, but also how can you trust someone who is snooping through personal things. Have you thought about professional help, marriage counseling might help.
2007-10-28 11:34:28 · answer #6 · answered by Girly1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will have to learn to trust you on her own. Keep doing what you're doing and be the guy you claim to be. She'll learn eventually. How can she catch you doing anything if you're not doing anything wrong? Be an open book and prove that her instincts can be wrong. Give her lots of attention and don't forget to be extra romantic while she's going through this. See this has her insecurity and be her rock as she learns to be more secure. That's how you prove your love to her. Good luck :)
2007-10-28 11:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might do this for the rest of your marriage. Insecurity is a horrible thing, and it's really not your problem. If you love her and want to deal with this quite possibly forever, its up to you. I've known women like this who no matter how faithful their husbands were, they were always accusing them until one day, BAM the husband finally had an affair. If someone is accused of something for so long, they can actually get pushed into doing it. If she is so miserable, maybe she is depressed or something. Some sort of medical help might be needed if this behavior is to cease.
2007-10-28 11:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by Brittney 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's trying to keep you off balance, and she's probably projecting insecurities about what she's been up to on to you, and providing a self-justification for what she's doing. I would strongly suspect she's actually having an affair, or at least thinking about it. By keeping you focused on proving that you're being faithful, you don't notice what she's up to. I'm no expert, but the scenario in your question is exactly what happened with three separate friends of mine. In each case,
the wife was busy accusing them (they weren't having affairs), while she was actually having an affair (or, in one case, three)
2007-10-31 14:51:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously sounds like she needs proffessional help... A psychiatrist ( I am not beeing cheeky, but sincere ) She probably needs some medication to let go of this obsession and now compulsion to search you things and spy on you. SSRI's can do wonders for this type of problem, but she most likely needs talk therapy as well. She has to be really miserable and suffering to feel this way. It isn't fair to you either. I would insist she seek treatment
2007-10-28 11:15:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋