my mate is in need of help and views?

Question

please read this carefully and tell me your views a friend of mine had confinded in me by telling me that she was going to have to terminate her baby... shes 6 weeks gone and that was a decision made between her and her man, they have 2 children and the youngest one is only a few months old, its not like they were being careless they were careful and had a coil fitted in but still managed to get pregnant. her reason was because she cannot afford it and her kids are too young! any way she wanted to say something to her mum but didnt want to say she terminated, so she came up with this that she found out she miscarried but there were bits left in her stomach and so she was given an appointment for 2 weeks later to clean her out, my question was does this sound believeble to you?? I am not judging her and neither should you shes a fantastic mum and she feels really bad about this, i just wanna do my part and be a friend in need.. can you help!

she didnt tell her mum or any one that she is pregnant but she is scared that her mum will suss her by her emotions, late periods (which she was moaning about thinking it was due to stress) and her mums waaay too strict when it comes to abortions as shes religious but i personally think her mum will be supportive because she does love her daughter (my mate) and supports her alot and always there for her. its just my mate feeling that she shouldnt have to hurt her mums feelings because they care alot for each other!!

Answer 1

I'm not sure why you think she is a fantastic mother.

1. She IS being careless about sex and needs to marry the father of the child so they will have a more stable and secure home. AND so her children will be legitimate.

2. She killed her unborn baby. Nothing justifies a murder.

3. She lied to her own mother about the grandchild.

If I were her mother I would want to know so I could properly grieve for my murdered grandchild and so that I could pray my daughter would have a change of heart and repent for the wrong she did.

Saying she couldn't afford another baby is ridiculous, especially these days when women everywhere are getting free health care and there are agencies that help pay for everything.

It was a bad excuse, and your friend knows it. In fact, that's probably why she didn't tell her mother. Because she knows what she did was wrong and doesn't want to her someone tell her that.

Answer 2

First off you sound like a fabulous friend. It sounds like your friend is doing this for all the right reasons if i am allowed to say that, but why doesnt she tell her mum the truth, because if she is really sure this is what she wants then no one will be able to talk her out of it? A termination is a big thing and it will be awful if she lived to regret it. Also going through a miscarrage myself, this story wont sound right if her mum knows anything about miscarrages because the hospital wont send you away for two weeks then tell you to come back for a d&c incase of any infection. If she really wants to stick to this story then if i was her i would wait until she has had the termination then go and tell her mum that she lost the baby and had the d&c operation at the hospital.But on the other hand, i dont mean to sound awful but she is going to get sympathy for having miscarried and that might make your friend feel a bit guilty around you and her partner cause you know the truth, not that she should feel guilty though because there are alot of parents out there that pop babies out left right and centre and they are dragging there kids up and thats why some kids are turning out bad. But i really do hope your friend can resolve this its a sad story but she is lucky to have you as her friend, good luck i hope this has helped a bit. And just stick by her. xxx

Answer 3

When you miscarry you are given a D&C to remove anything left over in the womb, usually within a couple of days of the miscarriage.
The coil does not always work , no method of birth control is absolutely sure to do so and it is a pity that we are not prepared for this fact because unwanted and unplanned pregnancies can be extremely traumatic for those concerned and people like your friend have to chose, not between what it wrong and what it right, but the lesser of two evils,neither of which will leave them feeling good about the situation. Be ready for the fact that although you do not judge her, she may very well judge herself and will need a lot of support..but when it comes to telling her mother the truth, only she can decide if doing so would hurt her mother more than it would relieve her own feelings and how much it would damage their relationship..there are some things a mother would rather not know and others she has to put up with finding out about because her daughter needs to tell her.

Answer 4

Yes, when a miscarriage happens you can retain pieces of the pregnancy which require a D&C at the office or hospital.

Having an abortion is a private decision, and I don't blame her one bit for not wanting to be honest with her family.

But I just would wonder why she would have told anyone anything at all. Why did she announce her pregnancy so early if she was even considering not keeping it? That was kind of foolish. She could have not said a word, then it wouldn't have been necessary to lie to cover up the abortion. Ah well, what's done is done.

Answer 5

Terminating the baby was not the best solution to her problem in the first place.The fact that she committed mistake of killing her own baby and that she will lie again to her mom. You cannot solve the problem by taking another problem. You know what I mean? She committed mistakes and if you are a friend indeed you should tell her that what she is doing is wrong that against the law.She was being blessed of having that baby and she should be thankful in any way. I was not being bless of having a baby of my own that's why I felt so bad knowing that somewhere out there terminating a life just like that.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear of your friends dilema, I'd totoally do the same thing as her if I was not in a position to have another baby.
The excuse she is going to give her mum is totally true, when a women miscarries she needs to be "cleaned out" to prevent infection.

Answer 7

i was in the same situation 8 weeks ago, i told my mum, she was fully supportive, she looked after my 2 children whilst i had the termination as you cant take children there not even to wait in the waiting area with their dad as this can make others emotional.

Good luck whatever happens to yur friend, story is beliveable! make sure nobody else who knows the truth brings it up around her mum.

Answer 8

Carla A is right. Two week after sounds a long time to me.
To judge people is easy particularly if you do not know them.
To help them is more important and to have good friends around is surely a great help

Answer 9

I agree with JOMAMOEU I doubt they would leave it for 2 weeks after a miscarriage if they thought there was tissue still inside. Also for them to know there was tissue still left, she would have had to be in the hospital and they would most likely have kept her in and done a D&C then.

Answer 10

i dont think she should do this, as if she had a medical emergency in the future her mum might mention this...
why cant she just not tell her mum anything? That way she wont be lying at all...