My husband & I have been married 2 years. 3 kids. Well 2 biologically (my oldest sons father passed away,he only knows my husband as his dad) The kids are 9,2 and 1. A month ago he told me that he doesnt want to be married anymore & left. He is now staying with his mom, paying no bills & enjoying being single. I am working 60-70 hours a week to make ends meet & taking care of the house & kids alone. My husband tells people that he only married me for the kids & that he has been miserable with me. That devastates me because I thought we were happy & I gave him everything & anything he wanted. I have always been the breadwinner & everything is in my name. I want him to come home but he said he doesnt love me & doesnt even like me. Those words killed me or atleast made me wish I was dead. I am having a hard time getting over this. I dont like giving up on marriage. I hear hes with someone else - the girls ugly & has a drug problem. Why leave me & the kids and then be w/someone like that!
2007-10-28 03:39:30 · 15 answers · asked by тяιηα 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh geez, a never-ending story! I say that because it happens soooo much! It happened to me. Not exactly in that way, but it happened nonetheless.
Yes, you are devastated, and rightly so. It's still fresh as it's only been a month and it caught you by surprise. But if you stop and think about it, were you really surprised? I asked myself that question, then I realized that I saw it coming but I just chose to look the other way. What did I do? Ok....
I started with helping myself. Counseling does wonders to your self-esteem. You need to get the counseling - You have children that NEED you. This is not their fault, nor yours. But YOU have to do something about it, cause I know that you will not turn your backs on them. So let's start with getting help for mommy.
You are working way too many hours. Good cause for burn-out in this case. You have too much to take care of. Cut back on some of those hours if you can. Hubby not helping financially, time to consult a lawyer. And Fast! Child support is in order here, at least for two of the children, unless he adopted the oldest too, then all three.
You MUST get your thoughts together. Get a paper and pen and write everything that needs to be done. I know you love him, but I will tell you one thing, even if you try to work it out (as I did) it will never, ever be the same. He is capable of doing this to you and you will never forget it and your guard will always be up. I gave my husband two chances, the third time he was out for good. I am now dealing with ALL the financialy issues of our relationship and tackling them one step at a time.
One more thing... make sure you take good care of yourself. Have your hair fixed at all times (when you are out, of course) get your nails done, get some regular exercise. It helps make you feel attractive and you will have others notice you. Besides, if ever you run into him or his "girlfriend" you sure as hell will look good.
Good luck, hun. I know what you are going through, and right now it seems like you will never get over this, but you will. I finally met this wonderful guy, who has it all together and is a hunk. Ex-hubby is now stuck with a low-life and wishing he'd never done this to me. He did me a favor, I would never have met this guy, if he hadn't done this. So remember, there is always a rainbow on the other side.
Email me if you need to talk.
2007-10-28 03:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When there is a break in a marriage or any relationship, there is first pain, anger and then a reawakening. I understand that you are very hurt by your husband's actions, but what he is doing is he is trying to justify his actions of him leaving you for another woman, so he has to put you down as a human being. If I were you, I would not get down to his level...stay cool and dignified and don't get in the gutter like him. If you feel that there is no chance of reconciliation, then follow through with a legal separation and then divorce. When you divorce, he will have to support his children and if he doesn't, he will end up in jail or his paycheck garnishered. So all I can say is it will get better. Keep your dignity, work, take care of your kids and everything will fall into place. You really don't miss him, you miss the nucleus of the family unit, because why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? He may come back to you if this druggie has enough of him, and then you have to decide whether or not the marriage is salvagable or you still love him or is he coming back for a place to stay...by then you may have changed your mind about this clown. Time will tell.
2007-10-28 04:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is your husband, and father to your children. He has legal and moral responsibilities towards you all. He has run home to mummy, and is sleeping with a druggy. He may have an STD by now.
You need some good legal advice right now, for alimony and child support. He is obliged to support his children, and to he should at the very least respect you and not slander you as the mother of those children.
His mother should be kicking his butt black and blue and making him face his responsibilites, he is a disgrace to her. Can you get her onside?
I'm afraid he sounds very immature and nasty and in time you are bound to feel better off without him, although plainly you do not come anywhere close to feeling that right now.
Keep providing a loving, warm homelife for you and your kids; look into getting whatever state help you might be entitled to, and get a lawyer onto his cheating hateful case to get the financial support you need.
Also, do you have any family of your own nearby who could maybe help you with a bit of childcare, lighten the load a little while this is all so fresh and raw?
Good luck!!
2007-10-28 04:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by Pipppy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its all about drugs and what he wants from life. we are always last to know and last to understand why but sometimes there are no answers. believe him and accept it when he says he doesn't want u or even like u anymore. get an attorney, have his as setts frozen, file for child support, he isn't coming back, and if he did, it would only be for awhile till he met the next one. he doesn't want the kind of life u offer, he wants to do drugs and have no responsibilities. u will feel devastated and shocked for some time. get into a group therapy, u need a support system to guide u through this, let others help u, so u can get past this and understand this is not about u, or anything u did. u married a looser, he has even repainted the entire marriage, as bad, even though u know it wasn't. he is just one of the men who fell for the temptation, who uses the drugs to escape reality. there is no answer to why this happened, but u can't depend on this person to be anything to u. your both traveling down a different path in life, and he wants to be this way, and u can't change it, as he doesn't value u, or his life as it is, he only sees value in the drugs, and u can't compete with the drugs.
2007-10-28 03:50:43 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you love him because of security? Is there something about you that made you feel like you deserved trash? You are a wonderful mom. And he left you for a druggie. That should say something.Never blame yourself for it. And why isnt he fulfilling his duty as the breadwinner && you have to do all of that? I am not blaming you for anything but did you really see something worthwile in that man before u decided to spnd the rest of your life together? Just by saying he married you for the kids && living with his MOM ...(what mature person should live with their mom without fulfilling any responsibility?) shows his immaturity..Seems like you were the man of the house and he was the wife. You certainly deserve much better than to be looked down upon. Open your eyes,girl!
2007-10-28 04:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only he can answer why he left. Get yourself together, file for a divorce and go live a life that you enjoy. Sell the house and get a smaller one, get some child support from him so that you don't have to work yourself to death supporting the kids. Don't be devastated because he's acting like an immature child. He takes the blame here, not you. Don't let him turn it all around to be your fault, he left, he's not taking care of his responsibilities. You are there, working, taking care of the kids. Get yourself together and let this loser go. Good luck :)
2007-10-28 03:52:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some times it is hard to imagine what goes on in the human mind and this appears to be one of those times. You are having a rough time dealing with this because you don't want to give up on marriage but as good as you sound, working all those hours to make ends meet, taking card of the house and kids and so on, you made a mistake in that you chose someone too immature for you as a mate. Tell yourself that you can do far better than that - and you can - file for divorce and child support and move on but don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship until you take some time for yourself.
It may be that because the first boy's father died, you were in a position that he looked better to you than he would have otherwise. It may even be that he resented your success in having always been the bread winner and now he feels in control over this girl when he couldn't be in control of you and that he said the things he said to you because he did resent that you were stronger than him.
Now is the time to give yourself everything you wanted like you did him. Get yourself a new wardrobe perhaps, a spa treatment, perhaps a new car, or anything else to spoil yourself. don't try to hard to get into another relationship right away because that may be why you ended up with him, but try to make new friends, and do new things to keep your mind off of him. You can even go to handwriting wizard and learn the signs to took for in handwriting and you may see things in his handwriting that could have warned you about him and will give you a way to judge the next man who wants into a relationship with you. remember, that you are a strong person for doing all that you are doing and he was a weakness within your world, so just as you would rid yourself of a physical handicap, you are now ridding yourself of an emotional one and you will be stronger yet when this is over.
Once you are rid of this guy, eventually you will find a person who will be as motivated and as strong as yourself and you will find as much happiness again but it will last much longer and be far more rewarding that this relationship was. Good luck to you.
2007-10-28 04:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an immature jacka-0. You won't change him You won't ever figure out the why... so instead.. get a lawyer and get the support money for your children. Now!
Read the Divorce Busting book and website. It probably won't get your marriage back but it will help you and give you support knowing you're not the first woman to lose her idiot husband to some fantasy freaky behaviour.
Forget about boyfriends and husbands for now too. Concentrate on raising your kids for now.
2007-10-28 03:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by teritaur 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I realize that you love and care for your husband and how hurt and devastated you must feel. As much as you want things to be right with him he is not committed to you and his children. He has some very serious issues with himself that has to do with him and not you! Even though you miss him you know in your heart that he cannot be counted on as a husband and father and him being in your life on his terms only will only make things more miserable in your lives. He is emotionally abusive to you and the children and no matter how you feel about him you cannot go on with him this way. You honestly need to contact a lawyer and make him responsible for paying child support for the kids. You do not deserve to be treated this way and if he is running around with a girl that has a drug problem you can only imagine what STD'S she may be harboring. If he thinks so little of his family to start another relationship before he ends this one he is not worth one day to think of missing him.!!! You have to find the strength and courage to let him go and move on in your life and refuse to ever let him hurt you again! I know this is not easy for you right now to function on working at your job and parenting 3 children on your own but even when he was there he really wasn't anyway. Your life will be better for you and the children without him and as time passes you will learn how to get over him and know a better life. I had 4 children when this happened to me in my 1st marriage and I understand how difficult things are ......sometimes one door will close in our lives for something better to open on the other side....and my something better walked in and and took me and my 4 children and he is the love of all of our lives today. Sometimes you have to go through all of the bad to get to the good and even though it is hard for you to see that right now ......your day will come and you will find happiness again. You hang in there and take it one day at a time and never tollerate someone hurting you and being mean and selfish that holds a cold heart to you and your children. He is weak and has no morals and he is not a good example for your kids to look up to. You need to let him go and not remain lost in someone that hasn't even found himself in life and brings you down along his way. I am sure that you are a wonderfull mother and you stay focused on being that to lift you up to the positive things in life. You deserve the best and nothing less and always remember that. Take care of yourself and hug those children.
2007-10-28 04:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart, but you need to get down on your knees and just be thankful that this man is out of your life. If he can abandon you and your kids, he's not worth your misery. At least he's not sneaking and doing it; he's told you up front his feelings. But, you make sure you go to the county attorney's office and make him pay child support. If he can wine and dine a whore he can keep up his children and pay you a little alimony/maintenance for the suffering you've endured emotionally and financially.
2007-10-28 04:17:08 · answer #10 · answered by Ida T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋