Should I call it a day?

Question

My hubby had a sort 'crisis' this time last year and he left unannounced saying that he needed to sort his head out. For months he kept me stringing along, saying that he still loved me but needed his space and he treated me really badly. I stuck with it though and although I asked him to move out and leave me alone for a while he eventually moved back in July this year. He is much better but he insists that he wants his own life and does everything he can to be like a lad and exclude me from this new life he has made. I agree that we should have our own lives but we hardly have a life together anymore. He doesn't spend a lot of time with me and he always puts his friends first; cancelling any plans with me to go out drinking with them. I feel more and more detached and keep asking myself if there is any future in this as I really want someone who puts me first and respects me. Only thing that is keeping me trying is that we have been together for 10 years.. Should I call it a day?

Answer 1

life is too short to wait on someone else.. make your own destiny

Answer 2

Not only should you call it a day but you should call it off completely. The reason men treat us like this is because we allow them to. We have got to start having more respect for ourselves and stop taking the crap that they dish out to us. He is probably by now getting the feeling that he can come and go as he pleases, and just walk out again and come back when ever he gets ready. If this is the type of relationship you want just accept is for what it is and move on. But if you think you deserve better then that leave and don't turn back. Don't even talk to his sleazy a** because they always know the right things to say and do when were going through withdrawal from them. Pull your self together your not a door mat for him to walk all over. If he want to put his friends over you, tell him he can have his friends cuz your leaving or putting him out. Good luck to ya and I hope and pray that you find the courage deep down to put an end to his games.

Answer 3

Please don't let him be the one calling the shots. He seems to be wanting the life of a single man yet keep the perks of being married. A husband shouldn't be excluding his wife from his life, but should want you to be part of as much of it as possible. You're worth more than how he's treating you. Staying with him for the sole reason that you've been together for ten years is not a good enough reason. That doesn't mean your marriage has failed, or that the time has been wasted... it just means that it's time to move on. He's not acting like someone who loves you, and it seems like you're not that into him either.

Answer 4

Carrie,
I hate to be the one to tell you but your husband is an alcoholic. Wish I could say it gets better but it only gets worse. He needs to make a choice, alcohol or you. He is going to lie about it and say it is everything from work, friends, you, stress, etc...but in the end it comes down to one thing, a reason to go out and party. I have been married for 20 years (living with domestic abuse for about 10-15 yrs) and 6 months ago I said no more. I pleaded with my wife for years to go to rehab but she would just laugh at me and tell me how stupid I was. As much as I can't stand the though of divorce, I've concluded that it must be this way and I (and you) need to move on. I wish you all the best!!

Answer 5

hell yes!!!!!!!!
sounds like he's got some kind of mental problem to do with his manhood. you're not going to fix that. Take your time but start now to find a place to live and maybe even a better job. Set up everything you need to be independent. get a lawyer and have the papers served while the movers are packing you up. get two cell phones one that he can call you on and one for the rest of the world. when the decree is final, see how far you can throw the first one.

Answer 6

May the illustration of these behaviors help to bring about a deeper understanding of love in your life.

1. Blaming another for one’s unhappiness
2. Chaos Creation creates distance from one’s partner
3. Demanding, versus asking, forces control in the relationship
4. Derailing creates irrelevant side issues, avoiding the first subject
5. Dictating how another feels is controlling rather than loving
6. Leveraging one’s needs against a partner’s love is Emotional Blackmail
7. Using jokes to avoid genuine conversation is known as Humor
8. Telling another how much more you know than they do -
Knowledge as Power
9. Assuming one’s partner will meet your needs without asking is Mind Reading
10. Bringing up multiple issues confuses one’s partner and is known as Multiplying

These behaviors are based in fear, rather than love. When these behaviors are present it creates hurt and distance between two people.

Understanding as to when one is the giver of unloving behaviors, the receiver (or possibly both) helps couples to move from fearful reactions to loving responses.


It begins by understanding how behaviors we thought were acceptable can create walls that stop us from receiving what we desire most from our relationships, and that is love

Answer 7

Think about this: Is he treating you as a wife or treating you as if you were his MOM??? Years in a relationship are not like money in the bank of life. They can either be a treasure remembered or an experience you'd like to forget. Sounds like you're being used.

Answer 8

Kick him to the curb. You don't need to be treated this way. If he wants a life of his own tell him to hit the road and don't let the door hit him in the butt on his way out. You deserve better and a man who treats a woman this way is no man in my eyes. Let him go and start enjoying your own life.

Answer 9

So, I see that everyone who has responded has said, yes, it's time for you to move on, and I agree.

You now have enough input. Get going!

Your days on this earth are not unlimited. The sooner you put this behind you, the better.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

stop your suffering and move on theres more men out there or why not just stay single,...he wants his cake and eat it too, if he wants his own 'life' then yall do need to separate, especially if hes not respecting you , making you feel loved, and socilalizing with you, what do you need him for??? get a puppy and get happy!