My husband and I have been married for 5years and together for 9. My h has always been rather depend on me for house work, and meals. He does not cook, nor does he clean up after himself. I made a mistake 4years ago, and feel like I am still paying for it now. I work full time, 13-14 hour shift, and I get NO help with anything around the house. Im not sure if I am just whinning, I know that I should not have let it start, but I came from a house where I was the caregiver, and needed to continue for my own transition. Now I feel that I have grown and he hasn't. I need help and don't know how to ask for it.
2007-10-26 19:49:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mother swears that if she asks my Dad to do something it never gets done. If she leaves him a note it is done quickly.
I asked my husband of 4 yrs to fix the power cord on the vacuum and 3 weeks later I wrote him a note asking the same thing (as if I hadn't already asked him) and I was gone only 3 hrs and came home to a fixed vacuum.
Something about a note with please and love ya does it for some men..........
2007-10-26 19:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you made a mistake for not telling him how you felt of him not helping out around the house or picking up after himself. He doesn't do it because he already knows you will.
Sit with him and tell him that you would appreciate it if he would help you around the house and pick up after himself because you are very tired from working 13-14 hours at work. I am not sure what kind of things you are asking him to do, but he should at least clean after himself or even do some light cleaning in the kitchen or living room. Explain to him that you don't live there alone and you just need his help. Just be polite when you ask him to help you.
Consider both of you reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."
2007-10-27 03:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was very ill for the first year of my relationship and my partner and his mother were my carers- i owe them everything so i was happy to help wherever i could... eventually i took over housekeeping when we moved out because try as he might poor darl couldn't clean to save his life... so i suggested that he cook and i do everytning else. a couple of years later - i started full time work and darl was unemployed at the time.... i knew our roles would reverse soon ( short contract) so i sat down and discussed with him a deal- whoever is home does what needs to be done- the person who is at work for the most time does the least housework- it was hard to get into the habit... but saying- it's your turn i need to rest- and trying to be totally equal about it really helped- COMMUNICATE and be FAIR- it's a hard habit to get into but if your partner respects you he will accept that you need to share responsibilities around the house the same way you need to share the income from your jobs :)
if he can't respect you, be patient for a little while- then seek hep... if he can't help you there a some real problems with your marriage- but it might take time :) best wishes :)
2007-10-27 03:02:46 · answer #3 · answered by estaria13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you knew in the beginning he was like that why did you marry him?, all the household delegation should be done before you get married.as the situation changes there should be a conversation to change that balance. If you want and need help the only way he will know is if you just come out and ask him to specifically help. that's what I have to do with my husband, b/c most men aren't blind they can see the garbage is full, but unless you say "honey please take the trash out" they will just keep adding to it!!!!
2007-10-27 09:23:56 · answer #4 · answered by jesser31285 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your spouse politely and tell them what you would like. Remind them in a month if nothing is different. Then again, being more specific. If still nothing is different then the problem is understanding and putting effort on your part to accept the way some things must be. Ask God.
2007-10-27 02:58:34 · answer #5 · answered by Jerome54 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what i did. i told my husband that if we are both working full time then we both have to share the house responsibilities. if he can make enough money for me to stay at home and make that a full time job then i will but until then we share it. when june was a housewife and ward was the bread winner times were different. now women have to work to float the boat. id tell him you are not his mother and get into the year 2007!
2007-10-27 03:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've let him get away with it for so long that now he doesn't appreciate it...he thinks it what u should do daily. Its convenient and comfortable for him and its not a spot he wants to get out of. Try doing less for him. See how he reacts to having to do more for himself. If that doesn't work then either u get used to feeling this way, or u move on. I wish you well.
2007-10-27 03:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by Gina A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things change in your life, and you have to make adjustments in your life to fit them. Sit down and talk to your husband and explain to him that the situation has changed for you, and that you need to redivide the household duties. Ask him what he thinks is the *fair* way to divide the jobs and then work from there.
That's how I do it with my husband-with every new life change (moving in together, me becoming SAHM, getting pregnant again...and we're due for another talk when the new baby comes!) we have had a new "division of duties" talk, and it always helps us to have everything lined out-that way we don't get resentful of eachother for not doing things we didn't tell them we wanted them to do.
2007-10-27 03:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by lovelymrsm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not whining. You need to have a talk with him. You need to tell him that you need help. Marriage is a partnershop and he needs to do his share. He is not a little boy and you are not his mother.If he will not willing help you then you need to stop doing anything for him. It will wake him right up. No meals, clean laundry, nothing. Good luck.
2007-10-27 03:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand why u do house work and cook - women supposed to do that. i wouldn't want to see my gorgeous man with a vacume cleaner. he cooks sometimes on his free will, cos he does it better than me. anyway, why doesn't he clean after himself? this is normal. he is a man, not a pig - to wallow in his own filth. if i were u i wouldn't clean after him. let it be filthy for a while. and lecture him first about how u will not clean after him anymore. then just don't. i do hope that he is not a pig and will get tired of mess and cleans it after
2007-10-27 03:24:30 · answer #10 · answered by yeahright 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋