Married 23 years, 2 yrs ago we almost divorced and I moved out for 6 months. He was a control freak and very jealous until I found out he hadf some g/f's on the net and a lot of porn but not intrested in me. I came back thinking things had changed for the better. He does nothing but lie. his job comes first then he told everyone we know how I spent all his money. Now he gives me an allowance, he makes twice as much as he did and doesn't like anything about me. doesn't want me to get a job but I may anyway. our kids are grown but he wants me to watch our daughters son all the time. He spends money on me with no complaints from me or him but he acts like he doesn't need or care for me. His answer is if I didn't you wouldn't be here. Bottom line is I am just not happy. He was jealous before and I hated it. he still is but only for things he doesn't have an interest in. I was jealous for a couple years after I caught him but I don't care any more. I want out and I'm scared.
2007-10-26 18:27:38 · 23 answers · asked by Madison 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just leave him. There is no reason for you to stay and every reason to leave. Don't you think you deserve happiness and someone who will really love and respect you?
Get your self respect back and move out.
Good Luck
2007-10-26 18:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the time I got to the end of your question, I realized that you had answered it yourself. You said that "you just don't care anymore." I was there @ one point in my 17 year marriage after many of the same experiences that you shared. I have been divorced almost 3 years and I am not as well off financially, but I am making it fine. However, mentally, I am a rich woman. I feel peace, relief and genuine happiness, I have a great boyfriend who I truly enjoy spending time with. I say you should move on, but you already know that. Good luck.
2007-10-27 01:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tuff one to say. do you have kids at home and how young. I would say if you have kids they would almost be done with high school if so stick it out the last few years until they are out of school..If your like me you would give your life for your kids, so a couple more years is a breeze. If all the kids are out of the house or old enough to be, or when they are old enough, Then "slip out the back jack", "make a new stand stan", "don't need a decoy roy", "just listen to me". You can't change what he is so stop trying. You made a bad choice in husbands, learn from it and move on. That's been the road I'm on. 4 years to go and I'm out of here. Meanwhile I just keep peace and try to make it as good as I can for my kids. Once and adultrese always one. It's like a child molestor, un treatable. He is beyond help in this relationship. Time to move on
2007-10-27 01:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by Mike C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you what to do and your husband certainly shouldn't be telling you what to do but I will say that if I was ever in a position like yours i would leave. No one has the right to control you except you! If you want to get a job he should support that decision. As for the porn, all guys have that but the online girlfriends that's another story. He clearly has violated your trust and denied you support in your life and you shouldn't have to suffer when he is getting what he wants. Comporomise works on both ends and if he isn't willing to compromise then he isn't willing to withstand a relationship.
2007-10-27 02:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by al l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you are not working and he makes a lot of money, you are set for a spell as far as a financial backing is concerned. Start stocking your allowance secretly and make tracks as soon as you can.
I can only imagine how difficult that this must be for you after a 23 year investment.
Good Luck
2007-10-27 01:42:17 · answer #5 · answered by MHnurseC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was just like you in every way. The only thing different was HE left me for an older woman. I went out and got a job, bought my own things and moved on with my life. My daughters and my grand kids are a part of my life , not his. You see he lied to them and moved out of state. He's only been back 2 times once for his father's funeral and the second to get the rest of his things.
When we first married he was jealous and controlling, for 23 yrs I put up with it too. Then I had to have breast reduction and things really changed. He didn't want to touch me, and I never felt loved. I was glad he left but sad too. So please don't let him control you, go out and get a job and live life. Its to short to let him live it for you!!
2007-10-27 01:41:49 · answer #6 · answered by elizadoolittle4646 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
See my friend what I feel is that he is never yours. Your relation is over. Take care of your childrens and love them as much as you can. I know it is easy to say end up a relation but it is next to impossible to take a lover out of the heart. I believe that if you love that guy truely then Break the relation and be strong and lead a life of great pride and bring up your children in the best way so that they dont do the same thing like their father. And about your life if you believe in God then listen when God will think that is the right time,you will get a true lover who is not going to bitray my dear. Take care of yourself.
2007-10-27 06:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by Raj Chan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the nightmare and don't waste another day of your life under this jerk's control.
You had the strength and resources to leave once before, I think you should do it again without a doubt, permanently this time.
Do what you can to build your own income, support system, and all that.
I'm not sure what you're scared of. Are you scared of the unknown and starting over, or of him?
2007-10-27 01:46:52 · answer #8 · answered by Cinnamon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two words for you my dear, RESTRAINING ORDER. If you are scared because you fear retaliation, get protection. If you fear being on your own, it is completely natural. But YOU can do it, and you will be so much happier when you do. There is no point in wasting your life with this piece of sh*t, who obviously thinks nothing of you. An allowance? What the hell is that?!?!? You deserve more than to be given things... you deserve to be loved and not be treated like his property. It is easy for others to judge. Not one of us has walked a mile in your shoes. But keep walkin. It will get easier. I hope you make it. Best of luck and much love!
2007-10-27 01:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Kimmi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start hiding money for yourself when you do leave. Make a list and how much you think you'll need to accomplish it. Like how much for a deposit on an apartment and monthly rent and food,phone etc.etc. if you have to stay with him for two more years then do it until you reach your goal. Your a woman you can find a way to make it work.
2007-10-27 01:56:32 · answer #10 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋