For 8 years my 2nd husband and I have been picking up and dropping his daughter off from her mother's house for our weekend and holiday visitation's he did this before with his 1st wife as well (the daughter is from the relationship before his 1st wife) .
We pay child support monthly , buy her clothing , pay for all her school needs , her mother uses the child support to feed her other 4 kids by 3 different dad's for 1 week $145 dollars a fortnight (every 2 weeks) .Her mother expects clothing I payed for be handed down to her sister's and not to my daughter from my 1st marriage.
She has only in the whole 8 years dropped or picked her daughter up 5 time's , I payed for her daughter's prom outfit , dress , jewelry , shoes matching bag cost me $700 , we payed for her sweet 16th and the present from us , her mum and step dad .
My husband says I am just being a b**** by wanting her mother to take turns dropping and picking up am I? we have 5 kid's in our house why cant she?
2007-10-26 18:01:33 · 15 answers · asked by JadeyOz 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have approached my husband over and over again he gets angry says he can not step over the line and start laying the law down because they were never married and he doesnt to push her nose out of place , but yet it's ok to push my nose and bank account out of joint , I never would involve the children in the situation we have 7 between us and our financial situation even though we own our home due to an inheritence from his grand mother she thinks because we own it we can afford to supply her with everything and we cant we're not rich we were just lucky , when I married him his 1st wife had already helped him spend the money the house is all she left him because I made him hire a real attourney to represent him.
Its such a mess and i am made to feel guilty for wanting thing's for my 4 kids his son from his 1st wife and for our son.
I'm tired and exhausted if you read my other questions you'd understand why.
2007-10-26 18:12:24 · update #1
No court was involved they made a private agreement.
2007-10-26 18:13:43 · update #2
I am also the 1 who picks her up and drop's her off its not about coming between them I have raised this girl since she was 9 she is loved like my own daughter .
2007-10-26 18:15:04 · update #3
YOU MEAN TO TELL me, that this girl is from what would have been #1 in count of wives except he didn't marry.
She wants the clothes you buy for her daughter, for her other kids that are by other father's that have pay checks and yes she could & prob. did go to court with them (or blackmail) & got child support for them!
You use your gas that you pay for that you could be using to take your kids somewhere. etc.etc.etc.
There SOMETHING WRONG with this PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!
Your a better woman that me, cause, I would be taking names, notes and kicking some tails. The tables would be turning one way or the other. That woman has a racket of taking from other mother's children. And because your husband is scared of her & her tactics, he is condoning it.
There needs to be some soul searching here.
Well, that's my opinon, I'm not giving advice, but it sounds like something is in the wood pile here.
2007-10-27 10:25:42 · answer #1 · answered by buzzybee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you're doing a lot for your stepdaughter and your husband. This is really commendable.
It's only natural that you wonder about these things.
You're absolutely NOT a b****. Perhaps this is also something your husband worries about and since he doesn't have the answer to it, he reacts in such a way. After all, men feel like they have to solve problems and when they realize something is too complex they get frustrated.
Don't forget to focus on your other kids. As frustrated as you are with this situation, make sure that they feel they're loved and paid attention to.
2007-10-26 18:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by squiggy72 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The picking up and dropping off really have nothing to do with the finanical situation, right? I'm confused as to why that's part of your carpooling argument.
I don't think you're being selfish, but if he says no way, then why continue to push it? Part of marriage is compromise - if this is really important to him, then ask him why, and then let it go. I'm sure there are issues with your biological children that he disagrees with or doesn't understand. Part of blending families successfully is knowing when to toe the line - and a HUGE part of that "when" is the moment that your spouses ASKS you to toe the line. He's asking you. Which is more important? Honoring his wishes, or trying to enforce fairness in all things?
2007-10-26 19:09:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me her mother is abusing the situation because see knows she can. She needs to take some more responsibility for her child. Just whatever you do make sure the child is never ill affected by trying to make the needed changes. Also, make sure you approach the subject with your husband lightly. He is obviously going to be defensive to the idea; the last thing you want is for it to cause maritally problems. Hey on the bright side.... if she is already going to prom, it's only a few years till she's 18!
2007-10-26 18:08:17 · answer #4 · answered by mav426 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you're puzzling selfishness with uncomplicated self care. Selfishness is a damaging act that would not even benefit for the guy so stricken. The egocentric guy or woman would not care approximately others and takes issues using fact they'd no longer using fact they like. people who're chuffed making others chuffed are actually not egocentric they are taking care of their desires. while you're actually not in a chuffed subject you have a good and accountability to guard your self yet that may no longer comparable to selfishness. conceitedness isn't selfless and Jesus himself castigated many religious types for doing sturdy works using fact they envisioned to bypass to heaven in keeping with those sturdy works. And a enthusiast is a enthusiast climate they are egocentric or selfless they are nonetheless followers definitely i think of you attempt to perplexing to justify your self and would quite lookup the definition interior the dictionary.
2016-12-18 18:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his daughter. Don't come in between him, his daughter, and his ex. If he's been picking her up and dropping her off, then let him. If he doesn't have a problem with it, then you shouldn't. I understand your pain, but if it is not hurting you, then let him have his way with his daughter. You don't want her to feel a certain way about having you guys come and pick her up. Another thing, don't do anything for her or buy her anything if you don't do it pure of heart, just because you want to. You are never supposed to bring it up again.
2007-10-26 18:12:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps your husband would prefer she never came to your home. It is possible he thinks it is the lesser of two evils to have to pick them up each time. It is also possible he thinks she might not be reliable in doing it and he would not see his kids.
My husband and his ex lived in separate states and he had it put in their divorce decree that she had to bring the girls and meet him at a halfway point to exchange them or pay for half a plane ticket. We were lucky that she did not have to come to our house because she was very hostile.
Just bite the bullet and keep exchanging them the way your husband wants.
As for your buying clothes and wanting her to return them for your children that is wrong. If you give to the girls then you give and should not expect them back.
Good Luck
2007-10-26 18:11:26 · answer #7 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is a jackball. You have no obligation to these other children, legal or otherwise. If he's going to side with his EX. you ought to become his ex so you'll be treated better. Seriously tell manb**** to stop fighting on the communist woman's side already.
2007-10-26 18:43:25 · answer #8 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there should be some kind of 50/50 agreement. and about the clothes, you bought them, they should stay with you. if her other daughters need clothes, she needs to provide that. that's what parents are supposed to do.......make sure THEIR kids are taken care of.
2007-10-26 19:09:41 · answer #9 · answered by Brian D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish at all.
Pick up and drop off is sposed to be give and take and not all one sided.
I can understand your husband not wanting to get her 'nose out of joint' .......my husband is exactly the same with his ex....( and we do all the picking up and dropping off too!).
Maybe if you buy her things you can get her to leave them at your place?........Maybe you could try and 'reason' with her mum.
2007-10-26 18:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋