My husband and I were only married for 20 mths and in that time had a daughter. We separated when I was 6 weeks pregnant with our son. I instigated the separation because he was verbally abusive, told lies and managed finances very poorly and unfairly. I moved out of our family home and started seeing someone else. My ex has wanted us to reconcile for about 9 months and won't give up! He says he has changed and realises now what a 'tool' he was. I would so love to have a proper family and even though my new partner is lovely, I'm not sure we have a long term future together. I can't seem to be able to get the idea of trying the marriage again out of mind, even though most of my friends and family say I'm crazy to consider it. My ex has the kids almost half the time and I miss the kids when I don't have them and find it really hard and lonely doing it on my own. In addition to this I do actually miss my ex. Am I crazy to consider reconciling? I don't want to make any more mistakes!
2007-10-26 17:54:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I don't think that you are crazy to want to work it out. I would seek out counseling with him before you made any major moves on the situation. If he is willing to see a therapist/counselor and actually talk, you know that he wants to work it out as much as you do. Make sure you talk about the things that caused the separation in the first place too. Good luck.
2007-10-26 18:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by Lia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-22 22:25:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, what do you mean "kids" - you only mentioned one son. He must not be too bad for you to trust him with him (or them) one half the time. If you don't try to reconcile you will always regret it. Even if it doesn't work out you will know you gave it a good try. Start out slowly dating, spending the weekends, etc. Just don't marry him - not yet - live with him a year until you are sure it works! Tell your family and friends you feel the need to do it and that even you aren't sure it will work out and you need their support both now and if it fails. They need to be there for you even if they disapprove. Tell them it could be a mistake either way - reconciling or not reconciling. And you are willing to take the chance. Best of love and life to you!
2007-10-26 18:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK - So, you miss the kids when your not with them? Not a reason to be with someone that is not good for you. You aren't sure your new guy is the long term one for you? Still, not a reason to get back with this guy. What is the proof he is on track now? Has be excelled at his job? What has he earned or built since you've been separated? If he has nothing to show for the time you've been apart, he hasn't changed, he's just performing lip service. I am sure you are young (under 40). Even if it takes a while, you have a long time to find someone to take care of you. Spend your time looking for that person, instead of wasting it on someone who can't take care of you or himself. Verbally abusive never changes and bad finacial responsibility IS stupidity!
2007-10-26 18:03:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say its better to be friends with your ex and be amicable co parents and get along then to get back together and start the hate all over again... Just tell him you value his love to your children and want it just as is.. There is nothing better to a child than to have 2 seperate loving parents, than 2 together that fight.... Maybe you two are missing the old comfort zone, but forgot the other issues... Its hard for people to change... Id say NO... get on with your life even if your new partner isnt serious now, still no reason to go back to ex...
2007-10-26 18:03:17 · answer #5 · answered by Mintee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly loved your husband and wanted things to work, you have to ask the question "Why did I wait so long to try a reconciliation". Just because you have children doesn't mean you have to go back to him. You want a normal family life, YOU are the normal family life!! You make it what it is.If he was verbally abusive and lied and managed finances poorly what makes you think he has changed?? Has he shown you that he's changed?? Once a liar always a liar!! Sorry, I agree with your family!!
2007-10-26 18:02:40 · answer #6 · answered by elizadoolittle4646 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, and he was never physically abusive to you, then give him another chance. People can change for the better.
It is possible other things caused him to be verbally abusive that you are not aware of. It is possible that with his time with the children he is wanting the same kind of family life that you do and that he missed the kids when they are with you.
If it was me I would agree to a reconcilliation if I loved him. There is always time to leave him again if he has not changed but if he has changed, you may have got the love of your life back.
In love matters, I beleive everyone deserves a second chance.
Good Luck
2007-10-26 18:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could try " dating " your ex as a start to see if there are any sparks between you.
Don't jump back in without testing the waters first.
Most of us want to raise our children in a family setting, but only if all of us are truly happy.
If you're not feeling " it " , then it will benefit no one in the long term. Especially the children.
Wish you luck in your decisions.
2007-10-26 18:24:28 · answer #8 · answered by Jusme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not like your husband has done anything wrong here. I know this is hurting you what your family is doing, but your kids would be hurting more. How many excuses do you have to tell them, that there father isn't going to grandma's, before they catch on? Speak to your mother and sisters indivdually. Explain to them that their actions are hurting you AND the kids. Once the kids catch on that grandma and thier aunties hate thier dad, they wont want anything to do with.....i know i wouldn't.......this is the impact they can put on the kids. If your mother cries on about not letting her see the kids (playing games) then play the game back. Tell her that she is more than welcome to see the kids, however she has to come to your place. This way you are still letting her see the kids and she can only blames herself for not seeing the kids. If she loves you and the kids enough she will respect your wishes. If your mother plays mind games, dont let her win. You have to get her to respect you and your wishes. Give it time. and for future reference, think about moving. (edit) i would also ask why they do not wish to have anything to do with your husban
2016-04-10 09:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, yes.
If you don't love him, what you should be working on is not reconciliation, but ways to see your children more often. There is no point staying together if you're not in love. You won't be happy in the long run and will just be resentful.
2007-10-27 01:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋