The leaves littered the sidewalks in radiant golds and reds. A soft, wailing breeze lifted them up into a spiral, then dispersed them before us as we strolled that wooded lane, lost in the pleasure of each other's company.
"I don't know when I've ever been this happy," you said blankly, your hair still matted with stale croutons and what smelled like Thousand Island dressing. Apparently concussions can take a while to recuperate from. I squeezed your hand assuringly, trying to forget that you did it to yourself, with the toilet seat of all things.
"Me too," I said, breathing in the brisk air, pretending not to notice the giant foot that came down from the clouds periodically, smashing entire houses or cars with one stomp. "You complete me. I wish you and I to be together forever."
"Oh, Alec! Do you really mean it!?"
"With all of my heart, Melinda. I've felt that way since you and I met at the Winter Carnival."
2007-10-26 17:36:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
After you reminded me that your name was NOT Melinda, and we actually met as rivals at a Jim Croce Look-Alive Contest (Jim Croce won AGAIN, dammit), we both had a good laugh, and walked down to the shorefront where I produced a small box and held it out to you.
“Oh Alec!” you beamed. “Is THAT what I think it is?”
“Yes it is,” I replied, my heart skipping with anticipation. “It’s a small box. It’s all yours. You can put things in it! Nothing too big of course. Maybe some of these acorns would fit. Anyway, have fun!”
“I’m the luckiest person in the whole world!”
But then your boss came by and reminded you parole officers don’t date their parolees. Jerk must’ve zapped me ten times with the shock collar, and forced me to look at his wallet-photos of his Sheltie. Damn him. Damn this….AUTUMN OF OUR WRETCHED SPLENDOR!
(finis)
2007-10-26 17:37:35 · update #1
The sky was the color of cold metal. But nothing could be as cold as Melinda’s heart.
She pedaled furiously uphill, intent on making the alchemist before they closed. Okay… okay, so it was really just a Walgreens, but how is a witch supposed to feel powerful completing the transaction for her potions when the pimply-faced teenager behind the counter is gonna insist on asking her if she wants cash back with that!? And since Melinda was new to this witching business, feeling powerful was of the utmost importance. And if it really had to be a Walgreens, couldn’t it at least have the decency to be a 24 hour Walgreens? So Melinda pedaled furiously uphill to the alchemist, because driving her Honda to the Walgreens just wouldn’t do.
Tonight was the night. The invitation had been confirmed. The moon would be full precisely at the Witching Hour and the conditions would all be met. Finally, Melinda would have her sweet revenge.
“Would you like cash back with that?” asked the pimply-faced teen, dropping the shoe polish into the sack with the other ingredients.
Melinda glared at him, concentrating with all of her might on turning him into a toad. But alas, he remained a pimply-faced teenager.
He nervously pushed his glasses up with a chubby finger. “Uhm, okay then, it’ll be $53.49.”
Melinda sighed. Apparently calling it the alchemist didn’t change the fact that one simply cannot get out of a Walgreens for less than fifty bucks.
*****
She grabbed the spellbook and opened it to page 66, setting it on the table before upending the contents of the bag. Time to take inventory and prepare. Shaving cream? Check. Red candles? Check. Q-tips? Check. Essence of Pine? Yeah… well… see that’s the problem with not having a proper alchemist, isn’t it? But if the little green tree-shaped auto air freshener wouldn’t do the trick, she was pretty sure she had some Pine Sol under the kitchen sink.
And then there was the shoe polish.
“Heeeeeeere Fluffy,” Melinda called out, giving the automatic can opener a quick spin, in the universal language of felines everywhere.
Fluffy entered the kitchen looking suspicious.
“Oh the tweet widdle fuzzy wuzzy fluffy wuffy” Melinda cooed, “Does Oogums want the flat black or the glossy black?”
Fluffy had since figured out there was no actual food involved in this bizarre episode and stared blankly at Melinda, thoroughly uninterested. Of course he became significantly more animated quite quickly when Melinda grabbed him.
“Mummy’s sorry Oogums… but a witch needs to have a BLACK cat after all...”
Two hours and much bloodshed later, Fluffy slunk away to hide under the stairs. Melinda was starting to get nervous. Never mind that she was covered in shoe polish and clumps of cat fur… what if she forgot the words to the spell!? What if she added the Q-tips in the wrong order? Fifteen minutes left, timing was everything, she couldn’t start yet. She needed to calm down. She needed to focus…. she started thinking about that day…
It was a year ago, almost to the day that she’d first met Alec the Dalek. She’d chipped her tooth bobbing for apples at the Winter Carnival. The Dalek had pointed out that perhaps apple bobbing is better in Autumn, when the water isn’t actually frozen. They spent the rest of that evening together… riding the Ferris Wheel, ice skating hand in hand, pretending to be members of the British Parliament by wearing powder wigs fashioned for each other out of cotton candy… you know, all of the things a young couple does at a Winter Carnival. What a night that was.
At the end of the night, Alec turned to Melinda, gazed deep into her eyes and said “You complete me. I wish you and I to be together forever."
"Oh, Alec! Do you really mean it!?" she asked breathlessly.
"With all of my heart, Melinda.”
“Oh, I bet you say that to ALL the girls!” said Melinda, blushing. Little did she know at the time just how true that was. Damn Dalek.
Well, she’d teach him to play with her affections like that. He would be here soon, and then she would set things right.
She added the grated pine scented air freshener to the cauldron, resulting in a satisfying display of green sparks. All that remained now was the secret ingredient … the deadly magic poison that couldn’t possibly fail... the all-powerful elixir surely concocted by the devil himself… she tried out a cackle as she dumped the carefully measured teaspoon of high fructose corn syrup into the pot. The doorbell rang. Fluffy wove around her ankles, smearing her with flat black shoe polish. And then, with a pop and a sizzle, the fire under the cauldron burned out.
No matter. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. And nothing could be as cold as Melinda’s heart.
2007-10-28 02:15:30 · answer #1 · answered by sueflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are sooo lucky you didn't post this in seniors you would have been reported and the 'question' pulled within minutes.
We in Seniors love this sort of thing but we have a troll over there that goes into spasms of rage every time sme one asks a 'question' that they don't like. Soo many regulars have been violated and suspended that its getting very empty over there.
Beware the troll doesn't come calling here otherwise you are in big trouble and even a Dalek wont be able to get you out of it,
2007-10-27 11:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by Xena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was truly a beautiful story! I hope Valerie Bertinelli does the TV version on Lifetime.
2007-10-27 19:26:37 · answer #3 · answered by The Snappy Miss Pippi Von Trapp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wretched splendor.... sounds like my last relationship. You had me at the stale croutons and shock collar..... will there be another chapter???? Don't leave us hanging Alec !!!
2007-10-27 01:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by uber empress 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it a bit early for the Winter of Our Discontent?
2007-10-27 01:25:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
splendid,just awsome in a very strange manner.
Reminds me of expressionist art statues,makes no sense at all,Love it!!
stands to applaud
2007-10-27 02:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by t_blond_chick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i love your wretched slendor ! great story! almost like a dream i had last night.... can i look forward to the winter of your frozen desire? or something?..
2007-10-27 00:48:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been peeking into my nightmares have ya?
2007-10-27 18:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by kriend 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
*sniff* that small box was supposed to be for me!!!
2007-10-27 14:29:14 · answer #9 · answered by SallySunshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋