Have you ever experienced discomfort receiving a compliment?

Question

If so, why do you think this might be? If not, then why also? Has someone viewing you in a particularly good light made you feel good or possibly given you performance anxiety? Do you have an example to share?

Brigid, your story in many ways is mine. My Mentor passed into transition 4 years ago. Wow & weird?

Answer 1

This is actually my standard reaction to complements.

I'm not used to people giving me appropriate feedback to the things I do. I grew up in an environment where I was mostly ignored, except by those people who thought I was a threat. I've had to learn extremely strong self-monitoring skills in order to gauge my progress.

If I do well at something, I'm usually highly aware of how well I did in comparison to others. When I get complemented, my first reaction is to compare the complement to my inner metric. This invokes a natural inner response of either "yes, I know", or "I don't think I did as well as this person asks, why are they complementing me?" Obviously neither of these is an appropriate response to a complement.

Digging for an appropriate response is tougher than you might thing. The first obstacle was figuring out when it is and isn't appropriate to complement other people. If you complement people that you don't know very well, for instance, they usually look at you really funny. Just saying "thank you" to a complement results in an uncomfortable silence most of the time. Explaining to people what you did to gain that ability seemed like a good idea, but is usually a complete conversation killer and makes you look egotistical.

In any case, I've learned that the proper response is to thank them and ask them about their interest in whatever they complemented you for. I still have inner twinges leftover from my previous ineptness, though.

Answer 2

Yes, I have. I've also, recently, experienced discomfort by giving one... a first for me. There is one here whose words and wisdom touch my soul. I posted a question re: wondering where she had been, who else was missing her. I received one response, with a subtle hint that I was missing her for selfish reasons. I hadn't realized that I may have crossed a boundary, and quickly deleted the post. I thought about the one answer I received for several days... and the responder was correct, I was missing her for selfish reasons. You see, this person reminds me so much of a woman, a dear friend of 25 years who had planted seeds in the garden of my soul. She never judged anybody, would help everybody, often at the expense of her own well being ( emotionally, financially ) She took one who had no belief system at all, yet, the seeds sprouted and flourish to this day. I lost her, quite unexpectedly four years ago. There's not a single day that passes without my thinking of her, how much she meant to me. I look for her everywhere... but, she's gone. Her garden flourishes though, and I hope she's well pleased. Honoring her life and not focusing on her death has been a long and painful process, but I'm still a work in process and hopefully, progress too.

Blessings !!!

Answer 3

Yes, especially if it's coming from someone that perhaps you like...can make you blush and feel a bit taken back. We should all be able to accept compliments without wondering if there is a hidden agenda or simply not believing that the compliment is really meant and comes from a good place in the other person. Performance anxiety is definitely an issue if you perhaps don't feel very confident in yourself and then can make you feel so awkward that you're all elbows and knees in the sack. D'n'D

Answer 4

It`s a matter of resonance. Oddly enough a compliment feels ok when the vibration matches that of the receiver. It often seems like a ^mutual admiration society^ thingy is going on when witnessed by others who are feeling lower or slower. That is also the meaning of dissonance. This also causes those people to reject and walk away from those they cannot vibrate with. Birds of a feather flock together and vice versa.
It is great that we are subjective and can and do change at will. Some say we can be fickle and give this wonderful gift from creation a negative slant. I think it is wonderful. Study showed me the immense power of emotions. Have you ever heard of the story of ^Scrooge^?

Answer 5

I felt the discomfort you're referring to. My husband was quite ill, and I needed to take a lot of time off from my job. When I was in at work, everybody under the sun was complimenting me on all sorts of ridiculous things. It felt to me as though they just didn't want me to quit (which after a while, I did need to do)--at least until they found a suitable replacement.

These were not true compliments on something I'd done well...if they'd been, I would have felt good about them. This was a management agenda...and it made me feel badly.

Answer 6

As a child and younger woman, I was never able to listen to praise concerning myself. As an aging woman, I have understanding concerning that. I was traumatized at the age of ten by a terrible lie told by a cruel 'witch' who insisted that even my own mother didn't want me. Try as I did, I was unable to disprove her contention so that her lie became my reality. Throughout my life, it seemed to be true of eveyone who came to know me. I became unable to accept hearing anything positive about me and felt that I harbored some unknown quality that made it so. It has only been this past year, that I have accepted that I am unique and mysteriously adapted to become something greater than my understanding of others. I now cherish this.

Answer 7

yeah i have received compliments in the past about my beauty & it made me so nervous and uncomfortable; a few old friends of my parents would say "my, if i was younger i would date you!" and although i knew that they were just complimenting my looks+personality, it was the tone they used and their body language that caused me to feel awkward.
yet when i do receive positive comments about my performance on a project or anything to that effect, i do generally feel pretty good about myself. however, if the person constantly brings it up and is phony about it, i do get annoyed. hope i helped.

Answer 8

"I am but, just me
a humbled low soul
who fits in between
Not above or below

I truly do appreciate
a compliment from fans
but, I do shy remembering
where I've stood and stand"

Answer 9

I feel bad about myself so receiveing a compliment is really awkward for me. I dont like it. Some chick I hardly knew told me I had the most beautiful smile she had ever seen...and I was like...Uh...okay. lol

Answer 10

a guy at college when I helped him at a attempt he hugged me and instructed me i'm not purely rather captivating yet i'm a sort guy or woman... i'm not sure if he relatively believed that or he substitute into only grateful in spite of the shown fact that it rather made me chuffed :)