help, dont know what to do.?

Question

me and hubby been together for over 3 years. We have a 4month old baby.

I feel very unappreciated and not loved. I was layed off from my job about a month ago and havent been able to find another job. and he rubs it in my face every day. We have a new house so that makes things worse. He constantly says things that put me down...because i dont pay for anything he says I dont care about my son or anything ( i take care of him while he practically does nothing, and when I ask he complains) He's only nice when he wants sex and then afterwards he's rude. Rude to me around his friends, is always "too busy" for me and the baby.


There are just so many things going on im tired of feeling not worthy and not good enough, what should I do?
I know this sounds petty, but Im not happy at all. Im miserable, I love him but im not sure why anymore. Please help.

oh yeah, and i know hes not cheating. but would probably like to

Answer 1

You are not being petty, you're being human. No one wants to be taken advantage of, mistreated, belittled, or disregarded to the point of having their existence ignored. We want (especailly women) to be loved and cherished, to be appreciated and valued.

You do not deserve to be treated this way. and your child deserves much better as well.

Seek counseling, first, to help get your focus off of your husband's behavior and onto deciding what to do about it. You can go alone to receive counseling about your marriage (in case your husband doesn't think he has a problem or has contributed to yours), or if he just won't go with you. Your marriage needs some objective, unbiased, third-party intervention.

Develop some self-confidence. Be your own cheerleader. Make a list of every wonderful thing about you, and read it to yourself --aloud-- daily. Make a similar list for your son, and read it to him daily. Use your time to develop a strong relationship with your child, and to get reacquainted with yourself.

Watch comedies, and laugh a lot. Nothing dark or gloomy or scary; you have either cried enough about this situation, or you don't need to start.

Your husband pushes your buttons because he knows he can.get to you.' Stop placing so much value on his opinion, instead, place the value on the truth...if he isn't saying things about you that are at least the truth, learn to disregard it.

Don't delay in seeking help, if you have no money of your own, there are places that counsel for free.

Hope I helped. God bless you.

Answer 2

Don't put up with any emotional abuse from him. you have enough to deal with getting layed off your job, taking care of the house, and caring for your new baby that you love. He should be supportive to you and respect you through the good times and the bad....that is what marriage is all about and your husband needs to get help if he wants things to be right.I would feel miserable and unhappy to if my husband was treating me like less than a person and not his best friend in life. If he has time to be with his friends and not spending time with you and the baby........he could find time to work a second job delivering pizza's for extra income ....if the money is a problem for him. He needs to work with you not against you before he loses what he does have because that could cost him more money in the long run!!!

Answer 3

My friend, the normal relationship of a couple should be give and take, sharing what you have and receiving what you don't have. Feeling sorry if you have done wrong, feeling compassionate to one who is in a moment of sadness and many more.

But your situation is not a normal relationship of a normal couple. It seems that you are the one sacrificing and the other one trying to live freely as he could as if he has no family at all. What you are doing is only for martyrs of yesterday, but in our generation of today I don't think that would be applicable and appropriate for woman of today like you.

If you are not married there is no reason for you to stick with such kind of guy. But if you are married, if divorce is allowed in your place, then do so. But if divorce is not allowed because you are a Catholic, approach your Parish Priest, because the Church allows marriage annulment or similar to separation to protect your womanhood.

My dear, please open your heart and eyes and look forward with heads up, don't make your self a prisoner of a crazy love to someone who doesn,t know to reciprocate. Give your self and your beautiful angel a chance to breath some fresh air away from the polution that you hubby is giving . I will help to pray for you my dear, I know God loves you so much, and he will give the right and best life for you! Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

I don't think that you are being petty at all. He is being a jerk. It does not matter that you are not paying for anything. It would only matter if you needed a job and refused to look for one. You said that you are looking. I would not tolerate him being rude especially around other people. I don't think that it is a good idea to withhold sex but in your case I think that I would tell him that until he can treat you with respect you are not going to give him any. You are not good enough for anything else it seems like so why are you good enough for sex. If you cannot get him to see what he is doing you need to ask yourself if you can live like this. Every time that I read a question like this I thank God for the husband that I have. Good luck to you girl. I know that you are going to need it.

Answer 5

I would say that he is worried about bills and takes it out on you but for the fact that he practically does nothing and is "to busy" for you and the baby. You need to try counseling with him and if he won't go, go yourself to help you start to feel good about yourself again. then get a divorce.
the fact that you feel unappreciated and perhaps even not loved can be understood by the way you say he acts but never let someone make you feel unworthy or not good enough!!
You need to build up your self esteem by doing things which help you raise your self esteem. there are many books as well for that. I will give you a link to As a man Thinketh which may help.
If you are not happy it is time for counseling and if he has no time for that it is time for a divorce so that you can find a better person to love who wil love you in return and not just tell you that at bedtime. good luck to you and be happy, whether it is with him or without him.

Answer 6

Girl I am going through the same thing right now. i feel ugly that is how bad it is. It is awful how a MAN can make you feel this way but it seems to happen. Mine just left me tonight and took his son and we have a daughter together, she is 14 months old. He can't take her because he is not on the birth certificate. He was sued by his ex long story. But he pays me no attention, the best thing I say do is don't let him know that he is bothering you. Know that your baby will always love you unconditionally. I am miserable too but I still try to keep this thing alive, for what reason I dunno. I don't have a job either and he left me with no money and in a house by myself. Go do your own thing.

Answer 7

Hi,
I think I know kind of what you're going through. All though I've been the one who's always have had a job.I never made him feel like crap. But he sure did me.
Yes I was miserable.....he was a big drinker back then.
What I did, I got to the point where I ignored his behavior. And thought wheather or not I really wanted to stay with him. And I did, it's been 16 yrs.

I think you need to ask yourself,do I deserve this?.....and you know you don't. Then ask yourself do I wanna put up with this any longer?.........You're the only one that can decide that one.

Answer 8

according to most professionals.. taking care of a baby in the home is equal to 2 full time jobs... Its not easy.. Men need to realize this.. If he stayed home all day and tried to balance the baby, dishes, home, laundry, meals etc.. he would think twice about his remarks.. I applaud you for even trying to take an outside job in the beginning... Someone needs to knock some sense into your hubby real soon... Enjoy being at home with the baby, these times go by way too fast.. Just try to destress what hubby is saying and let it go in one ear and out the other.. Maybe he will relax in time.. goodluck!.. and congrats on the new baby! (4 month belated)

Answer 9

As I've said many, many times before. Love is unconditional. If you're at home taking care of your son. That should be enough.
Your husband should never say things to intentionally hurt you or put you down. It seems like he's unhappy with himself so he's lashing out at you.
How you gave counseling any thought? Tell him how important it is to you to get back on track and find the love that brought you together in the first place.
If he's unwilling to go that route, then I'd honestly consider in leaving. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat. And you definitely don't want to raise your baby in a home like that. Your home should be filled with love, understanding and happiness.

Answer 10

Get to a marriage counselor & consider attending a Retrouvaille weekend. Retrouvaille is a non-profit, non-denominational organization dedicated to helping married couples.

There are social service or family service agencies that offer counseling on a sliding scale.

Start by finding a United Way office near you: http://national.unitedway.org/myuw/

or by inquiring at your local church. You can also do a search for Catholic Charities (you don't have to be Catholic) &/or family service agencies in your area.

Here's the link to Retrouvaille: http://www.retrouvaille.org/

Your husband is being cruel & this may be a sign that you are are in an abusive relationship.

"Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless." http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

About domestic violence: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/domesticviolence.html

Link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.ndvh.org/

Please stay connected to your friends and family & get help so you can be safe & protect your baby.