What do you think of this poem? I had to re-write a little. It almost got a perfect score before the re-write. Tell me what you think?
Unfinished Meal
A dirty kitchen filled with pots and pans
An unfinished meal of bratwurst and sauerkraut
A dead candle blown out by screams
Barry White softly in the background
Sweat dripping off folds of flab
A twisted heap lying together
The carpeted floor holds the secret
The aftermath glistening nearby
The angels are done singing
The birds lie still
In the original, the first 3 lines were;
A dirty kitchen
An unfinished meal
A dead candle
The professor wanted more detail in those lines. Does it work better now ? Could I have gotten a perfect 50 with the re-write instead of a 48 with the original?
2007-10-26 16:53:31 · 4 answers · asked by kepjr100 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Maybe something that would appeal to the senses. A smell perhaps.
2007-10-26 17:32:34 · answer #1 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a very very good poem.... i enjoyed it
2007-10-27 18:06:52 · answer #2 · answered by jhd1683 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool
2007-10-26 23:00:53 · answer #3 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may be about smell
2007-10-28 20:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋