Is this meant to be over?

Question

My husband and I had a huge argument tonight. It was over something stupid that I overreacted to. I said a lot of stupid stuff that I didn't really mean because I was mad. He said he wants a divorce...he says that everytime we have a big argument. He called me names, told me I'm stupid, that I'm ugly and fat and how he can't stand fat people and that he doesn't love me. This situation has repeated itself a few times throughout our two year marriage. Things always get better, he apologizes, I apologize, etc. I really love him. I've been working at keeping my impulsiveness under control and I'm trying to lose weight...both because he has said those things about me and because they are things in myself that need to be fixed. I really do love him and can't imagine life without him...that may sound kind of pathetic, given everything I've said here, but it's true. But I'm tired of apologizing and trying to make things right. Do I need to change or is this marriage meant to be over?

Answer 1

both of you need to change, you need to lose weight, assuming your over weight for health reasons, losing weight will help you physically and mentally (self-esteem), plus it will demonstrate to your husband your making an effort to help your marriage, he needs to NOT call you names and degrade you that will only discourage you, both of you need to start talking about solutions instead of yelling about your problems, he wants you to lose weight, then he needs to help you, take you to the gym, eat healthy together and give you compliments and cut out the name calling

Answer 2

Hi, me and my wife was kind of same in most situations. Sometimes you guys should live apart to feel the love. Not compulsively. However take the opportunities to do so. Try to lose some weight. This is you, so I am telling to you. Probably if this is your husband, I would like to tell some things. So do not think, I am just blaming you or something. I know the pain sometimes these kind of situations gives to both of you guys.
Try to lose some weight. Do physical exercises also as much as natural possible. Whenever you have an opportunity to walk, please walk. Clean the house once a week. Eat carrots in the morning. Do not drink coffee if you are. Drink lots of water. Change your dress style gradually to sexy (inside home only). Show your good body parts sexily to your husband. Your guy seems to be like me. He might want you to be inside him, not to stand outside and argue. He wants to be a master, lover, giver, protector, etc. Take it and be quiet and enjoy. Whatever you tell, think before. There are several ways to tell each thing. See what is the best way to put it so that he likes it. It is love, so it is worth doing it. Meditate or do prayer in the morning. This will give you the power to be quiet and accepting. Try this my friend. Wish you the best.

Answer 3

The verbal abuse, name calling, and threats have got to stop. It will never work if only one person is willing to change for the better. Besides that. It's normal to fight, but for him to throw the "D' word every time, is not healthy. YOu're not pathetic...you want your marriage to work. Suggest counseling (together or seperate). If he's not willing to go. Suggest having a "family meeting" once a week were you guys can speak freely, about your concerns, without being judgemental or threatening. Let him know that it is not a time reserved to lay blame but to encourage open communication between the two of you. It may be something much more than the sock that was left on the bathroom floor.

Good luck to you. I hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 4

Well, yes work on your issues, but is your husband working on his? His name calling and constant reference to wanting a divorce is abusive, could be a result to his over reacting too. The next time you have an argument, take 10 minutes to cool off and then discuss the issues calmly in a loving way instead of yelling and screaming at each other. Honestly, in my relationship, I've never had a screaming fight with my partner. We've raised our voices once or twice, but never let it esculate. What you are doing is not normal nor is it healthy. Perhaps marriage counselling is a good idea too.

Answer 5

The marriage is only over if you or your husband want it to be over.

What it sounds like you two need to do is to set some ground rules for when you fight. It's normal for two people to not agree on everything, but it's not normal to say hateful, hurtful things to someone that you love.

Make a pact with him that if an argument starts and the urge to treat each other bad pops up, you both walk away and cool down.

The bad thing about saying words that you don't mean is that you can never take them back, so it's best not to say them at all no matter how angry you are.

Answer 6

you and your husband need to seek some professional counseling both as a couple and individually. at this point there is resentment and a lot of dis respectfulness on both sides. you both need to grow up and act your age and not your shoe size. calling each other names, saying hurtful things to one other is very very childish. because what you both say to each other is exactly how you both feel for each other, because if it wasnt the truth you both would not say it. out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakth. which means that all of those hurtful words that you both were saying it has been in both of ya ll hearts and when you both are mad thats when you both let it rip. than when you both have had time to think about you both are sorry. what kind of mess is that. you are never going to lose weight living like this. you and your husband need to learn how to communicate effectively with one another. but first you both need to ask if you really want this marriage and agree to put the hurtful words to rest, and grow up so that the marriage can grow and grow to the next level. please seek some counseling ASAP. GodBless

Answer 7

If my husband ever, ever told me I was fat,{ by the way Im thin}, he would be out of my life faster then a new york minute! Any type of name calling is just flat out childish, you both sound more like siblings then husband and wife. You know, their comes a time in a womans life when she must realize that life is short, and is this the life you want to live? My word, what do you mean, do you need a change? If you are questioning your life chances are high that, yes, you do need a change, and my advise I give you is to, dump this loser, and move on with your life, dont date dont sleep with anyone, just be alone with yourself and find out who you are and what you want from life.

Answer 8

I would think that it is meant to be over. I would not put up with his verbal abuse. It would be easier to answer you if you said more about your impulsiveness. Is that what caused the argument? He should not be so mean to you when he is mad. I would not be able to forget that especially since he is telling you that all the time. Maybe you two should go to counseling and see if that helps. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

The mere fact that your arguments lead to someone saying that they want a divorce is a red flag. That is not a word that is tossed around lightly in a healthy relationship. You need to look into counseling now, because this is on a one track road to court.

Answer 10

First off..... He absolutly should not refer to your weight.. I'll bet he has a few xtra pounds too.... Listen you guys need a referee so that means counciling... I bet neither of you go to0 church do you? He is always mentioning divorce... Well not matter how much you love this guy.. Things seem to going down hill fast..... Quick.... Lose some weight and see how things proceed.. I do wish you well... Grant M in Pennsylvania