Married/Divorce only!!! Why? Do some people are more fortunate and luckier than others????

Question

Some marriages, turned out to be very successful and lasting, while some other marriages turn out to be very unsuccessful and horrible, thus resulting sometimes in a divorce or separation. I do not understand WHY some couples live a good successful relationship while others are not that successful in their relationships. WHY IS IT LIKE THIS??? Is this part of life, that everything and everyone's luck is different from each other or something???? Sometimes, I feel so unfortunate and unlucky as a husband in general with a horrible wife. Till tis very day, I always dream of a much better woman in my life. I am 40 yrs old and been married for 15 long years. I am positively sure, that I married the wrong woman in my life, but now its too late. I am suffering the consequnces. I only stay because of my kiddos. I feel trap in a tight security prison forever, a unhappy husband with a horrible wife in general.

Answer 1

i don't think just because a marriage is succesful, it is necesarrily happy. you know you can never can judge a book by its cover and movie by its title.

i think it has to with how much bs a person is willing to deal with and how much they are willing to sacrafice of themselves to make the other person happy.

now that you know you are going to stay with your wife, just for the kids then you are willing to sacrafice finding a person that will fulfill you on mental level. why are you so willing to do that? because deep down you love her and are just unsatisfied with her for some other reasons.

people change abe and you have to be willing to accept that. she may not have the desire to do the super extreme things you want because she is changing on a different level. you love her so stop pretending that you are staying for the children's sake (lol). 15 years is a long time to be with someone out of extreme torture. you married her knowing who and what she was about.

the other day i had this great revelation. my husband told me that what we have is not based on sex. at first i could not understand that because so many base their relationships of off sex. so i felt so hurt. but then someone said in ya that he still think about his ex wife eventhough he has been with women who were better than her in bed and more amazing in other attributes. it hit me like a mac 10 truck. why would he still want to be with his ex wife if he been with people "better" than her? it is because when you marry someone, they satisfy you deeper than sex does. they are the one that knows you without words being spoken. they are the ones that frustrate you, but love you at the same time.

you are with your wife because she is beyond sex. she frustrates you and it turns you on. i not saying that it okay for her to totally be a complete bore to you and yes she go out dancing and dining every once in while. however, success of your marriage is only when both parties are willing to sacrafice a part of themselves and become one/unity.

divorce becomes an option, when two says that they are tired of sacraficing.

Answer 2

Marriages that work are usually built on a solid foundation not to mention that the two have not had a lot of ups and downs before finding one another. A couple I know went to God in prayer and requested the specific type of mate. The question was asked how will they know when they find each other? Dumb question, You are God. It happened, the two have been together for 20 years, married almost 12 of those years and they act like they just got married. It cannot just be physical looks because after years the body will CERTAINLY change and a marriage cannot last on looks alone. If you've already dived into marriage it is never to late, you can implement some positive things. You have to find out what made you two nuts about each other in the very beginning. You have to spice up the marriage don't sit on the side lines wishing. Do something, if you start changing yourself your wife will notice. It's tough and a lot of WORK with kids they require a lot of her attention as well you, she is probably very tired. Best to you both.

Answer 3

It's not luck. It's the odds. It's extremely unlikely to find a good wife in the US because women have been taught to hate and fear men. Most men describe exactly the situation you have and will tell younger men not to marry.

The truth is that more than 67% of marriages will end in divorce. 92% of the time it will be initiated by the woman for no other reason than she is “unfulfilled” – oh, and because she gets the kids, the house, at least ½ the assets and most of his future after tax income for the next 18 years. The man will get raked over in family court. He will lose the house. He will see his kids 2 out of 14 days (if the ex doesn't level unsubstantiated "abuse" claims.) He will be forced to hand over 40-50% of his take-home pay. If he loses his job due to illness or downsizing, the State will toss him in jail. While jailed the arrearage will grow and the state will charge interest. The State will revoke his driver's and professional licenses, make him virtually unemployable.

If you were to take up sky-diving, and the instructor informed you that 67% of the parachutes were defective, would you take the plunge?

The men’s Marriage Strike is alive and well, thank you.

nomarriage.com

Answer 4

If you truely feel that way then you are not doing your children any favors sacrificing yourself to a bad marriage.

Children are very smart and pick up on emotions from their parents. I am sure they realize you are unhappy. Do you want them to grow up not knowing what a loving, happy married relationship is really like? Don't you think that will jeopardize their chance to have a normal, healthy, happy married life?

It is better for them to come from a broken home than live in one. Do yourself a favor and end this marriage. Not only would it be better for your children to see you with someone that really makes you happy, you will be better able to give them the love and father they deserve if you are happier.

It is not too late, 40 is not too old to set your life right. I am 53 years old and met the love of my life in 1997 when I divorced my husband of 20 years. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I am so happy now and I never was before. You just have to remember that you deserve to be happy and to be loved and respected and you deserve someone to give your love to. Your children will be happier and more well adjusted for life if they have a happy father to visit than an unhappy one to live with.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Well, I don't think it has anything to do with luck. It has to do with the two people that are in it and how seriously they take the vow that they made when they married. The happy marriages that work out in the long run are because the people in it take their commitment serious and they really love the one they are with. I feel that when you are married you have to cultivate a love for the person so strong that you are "living for them". Basicly you are there to make them happy. If you have two people that do that for the other one, you don't have any choice but to have a happy and long lasting marriage. Of course everyone has problems, but nobody should ever think that they married the wrong person or that their spouse is lousy or horrible. That shows that somebody is not doing their job!! What is marriage if it is not a loving companionship with another person?? I love my husband and I live to make he and my son happy. But, what makes that all worth while is the fact that he loves me and lives to make me and my son happy as well! You can't go wrong there.

Answer 6

I can understand how you'd think that. It does seem unfair. I've always believed that God dispenses things equally, but not in the same form. Maybe some people with wonderful marraiges have miserable careers, in-laws, health, or children. Who knows? Best to just focus on YOUR life and how to improve it.

That said, have you tried counseling? I know you're probably rolling your eyes, but think of it this way: it can't get any worse, right? So give it a try. And if you continue to be this miserable, for goodness sake, move on. You aren't doing your kids any favors by staying in a loveless marraige and being unhappy. You'll be a better man, father, and role model if you can do what's possible to make it work, and then accept reality and move on if your efforts fail.

Answer 7

Rather than trying to fix the problem, you are avoiding the real issue at hand, your relationship with your wife. A successful marriage is give and take, sometimes 90/10 to make the other person sit up and take notice. When is the last time you took a walk in the park with the kids, as a family? Go feed the ducks, take them to the pool, and things that allow you to get back to basics?
You need to do it as a family. There is a way to fix it , if you stop dwelling on all he negatives, you`ll see. When you wake up in the morning, stretch and shout " I feel great!" Then with alot of energy, play with the kids, ask your wife if she wants a coffee, just act like a crazy man, but not an insane man. Have fun with it, use your imagination. The key is to break the routine that you are caught up in that is causing the misery.

Answer 8

well halloween, we have talked a few times b4, but to answer your question, mariiage is what you make it. you shouldnt stay in an unhappy marriage because of children. i dont know know much bout marriage but i do know that if u do not love your partner unconditionally and if ur unhappy you shouldnt be in the relationship and should go separate ways, divorce is common and u are still able to raise children even if divorced. its prob hard to leave someone you've been with for so long. but if you cant compromise(and compromise works both ways, you with her and her with you) then ull stay horrible unhappy...mayb a divorce or separation is best in these cases. if u cant communicate it isnt worth it. theres no point in living a miserable life, if ur miserable your children will notice it and might follow in your footsteps...do u want this to happen..........good luck best of wishes and ill ttyl...jenn

Answer 9

Marriages last because of the following:
1) Communication
2) Consideration for the other party
3) Compatibility
4) Common interests
5) You have to be connected on many levels
6) Pick and choose your battles
7) Spontaneous and romantic relationship
8) Separate interests and things you also share together.
9) Sex
10) They take pleasure in seeing the other happy. They give and receive in return. Generous heartedness.
Obviously talking isn't cutting it. Counseling may be in order.

Answer 10

it is just a struggle to maintain a good relationship. It is very hard. I mean i just think thall all married people go through their hard times. Somtimes Ithink my other is horrible. and I feel unhappy too. But then he'll come out of left field and make it better just in time.
Maybe u should try focusing on the neg and focus on what u can do together as a couple to make each other happy.
Good Luck.