I have tried to forgive and forget,but I still get disgusted when we have sex,and am not aroused at all,this bothers him.
2007-10-26 14:26:07 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have two kids with him,he threatened to kill himself if I left. We went to counseling once ,they said it wasnt rape,and I guess thats kind of why I stayed.
2007-10-26 14:32:05 · update #1
YOU BOTH NEED PRAYER AND JESUS HE CAN HELP
2007-10-26 14:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by thestylistnayhe 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, the counsler was wrong when they said it wasn't rape. Anytime someone makes someone have sex against their will it is rape. It should bother him that you are not aroused. He did something wrong and you need to seek counseling to get over this should you chose to stay married. That is your decision and just because someone says they will kill himself or whatever does not mean you should stay with someone. He needs real help that you cannot give him. You are doing him no favors by staying if you are staying because you feel sorry for him. It doesn't really sound like you love him, you stay with him out of obligation and that will not work. Seek your local women's violence shelter out or your pastor and get help because you need it too. Along with some guidance on leaving him if that is what you chose to do. Good luck to you!
2007-10-26 14:37:41 · answer #2 · answered by Luvbuz01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well who ever counselled you is so wrong because it is RAPE and just becaues ehe is your husband makes it no different...NO means NO. when will these idiots get that!, you have stayed with him for so long after and I am amazed do not stay just because you have kids together thats the worst thing you can do. If i were you pluck the courage form deep with in and leave. You are obviously not attracted to him which is very understandable there fore I doubt whether you still love him, if you do how and why ask your selves these things when he obviously had no respect for you when he RAPED you!.. Also if he is threating to kil himself that is emotional black mail, in reality he probably wouldnt caryy this out he is using it to make you feel guilty about a crime he did because thats what it is, he is tyring to make you take the blame for his cowardly act.... just leave i bet he will still be alive and kicking till his old and grey. You do not need to be taking this kind of balckmail not from him or anyone, look after yourself and your kids and move on!
2007-10-26 14:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've not been married yet, nor have I had sex, but I have HEARD that your sex life in marriage is very important. If you aren't aroused AT ALL, this is a problem. But not as big of a problem as rape. Your husband raped you, and this is illegal. I'm not telling you to take legal action, etc., but this isn't just a forgive and forget thing. There is no question on if you should break up with him. If you are uneasy about the relationship at all, BREAK UP WITH HIM. Please, do it before you change your mind and you decide not to. He may just do it again, and again, and again, and every time he does it, it will just get worse. Please, listen to me, all of us, and leave him now!
The counselors were WRONG! Your husband did rape you. If a man broke into your house, tied you to your own bed, and raped you, what would you do? You would certainly tell someone, wouldn't you? This is no different from your husband raping you. Except he didn't break into your house, such and such. You have to leave him. Take your kids with you, just go!
2007-10-26 14:34:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person that you spoke to and said that it was not rape should get fired and go back to school. Rape is having sex against your will and it is wrong. It's time to stand up for yourself and take charge because you have let too much time go by without standing up to this man. Stand up to him and tell him what he did to you is wrong, let out all that anger you have boiled up inside. Now is the tough part, you have to leave him immediately after that because if he's threatening to kill himself he might try to harm you as well. Make sure you have a friend or family member on the other side of the door without him knowing as you confront him. If you care about his well being, go to the police and tell them that you guys are breaking up and he said he wants to kill himself. Leave the rape part out if you don't want him to go to jail. They should be able to handle him from there. Get on with your life sweetie, change is good and this change is for the best. Good Luck!
2007-10-26 14:56:07 · answer #5 · answered by Heaven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not stay married to him. I would have left a long time ago. He cannot have sex with you against your will just because you are his wife. I would have had him arrested when he did it. You cannot do that now. I am glad that it bothers him that he does not turn you on. Is he sorry that he did it? For your own sanity I would get out. I would not be able to let him touch me. I hope things get better for you.
2007-10-26 14:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never should have been married in the first place. Face it, you have a problem and unless and until you are willing to seek help it's not going to get any better. Feeling disgusted about sex is not a normal reaction.
2007-10-26 14:30:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well no wonder i advise against counciling , although I highly doubt the councilor told you it wasnt rape I think personally you claim they said this to excuse your inability to leave him when he did rape you and you in fact did not even attend counciling , Its been a few years and i think your inability to love him is what's bringing it to the surface now and you need to be honest with yourself abuot it and not try to excuse your past mistake.
Leave him , your not happy and he isnt able to give you what you feel you need.Dont keep making the same mistake's over and over again. Having children was NO excuse to stay with a rapist.A good mother will put her children's safety before anything else and you failed on that count.
2007-10-26 15:05:03 · answer #8 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not before seeking help!!!!!!!.
Ignorance, lack of knowledge,inexperience,youth, can end up in misery and it often does.
To be successfully in life we need study, and more often then not young boys and men get instruction from ??????????
To become a doctor , dentist , accountant , layer ( just to mention a few we need years and years study ( and then still make mistakes)
Please reflect on this, who teaches us to be good lovers ,husbands, wife, mothers or fathers no one!!!! There is no degree for the most important roles in our life
So mistakes after mistakes are made and we go on blindly with life..
You said you husband had sex with you against your will
I think I can hear that statement rebound a milion times over, lack of knowledge, ignorance ecc ecc, young man with no skills as a lover. No ! I am not making excuses for him, but a good kick you know were would have stopped him, but you did not, so take some responsability for that lousy scene, try to save your marriege, if it can be saved by seeking help.there are some good clinics that deal with sexual issues
good luck
2007-10-26 14:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And you haven't gotten past it? But you stayed with him? Some how I think there is more of a problem here. Have you tried talking to him about it , because if you don't come to terms with it, You will never be able to respond to him and that is not a marriage I would care to be in.
2007-10-26 14:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't that rape even though you are married? If you are disgusted when you have sex with your husband, something is not right. Get help or leave, that is messed up.
2007-10-26 14:29:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋