It's called "Fragments", and it's really sturctural and can be quite confusing. I just want to see if people will understand it...so tell me what you think of it, please?
The girl smiled sadly as she walked away. Woods stretched behind her, dark and unfulfilling. Her father was staring after her; she could feel his contemptuous gaze piercing her back.
She felt no regret for what she had done. Her father deserved it and she knew it. A bad childhood, nightmares every night, her life and future always hindered by shadows of the past.
Why hadn’t he ever left her alone? Why did her memories always follow her?
Out of her line of vision she knew her father was punching something, expressing his anger in some way.
“Is he remembering all those bad things he did to my mother? Is he remembering all the things he had planned for me, would have forced me into? Does he regret them?” she wondered. She felt the urge to look behind her. The creaking of branches and the wind rustling behind her seemed deafening. She began to turn around.
She turned, slowly, slowly, until she could begin to see a black trench coat.
And then she was hit with a flood. And all she could feel was hurt and regret and who she used to be.
~~~~~~~~
Veronica smiled sadly as she walked away. She took stock of herself: she felt totally secure, if only a little sad.
Veronica concentrated on nothing but the moment she was currently residing in, the step she was taking at that moment. She stared at the leaves under her feet.
Her father had mistreated her mother all those years, and now, right now, she was mistreating him.
Veronica could only feel the wind on her cheeks, she had shut her eyes. “I wonder if Mother is proud of me, wherever she is.” She wondered.
Rocks scattered under Veronica’s feet, and she could feel hair whipping against her face. “No regrets, don’t turn back.” She mentally chanted to herself.
It wasn’t until she stumbled over a root with her eyes closed that Veronica was hit by a flood.
She might not be able to see behind her, but she couldn’t see where she was going either.
~~~~~
Veronica Donahue smiled sadly as she walked away. She did not deliberately control anything; she simply said what she had to say to her father about all those years of hurt, and then she had left, feeling however she liked. Veronica was free.
The only thing she could see was a horizon stretching out to forever, it seemed almost comically metaphorical.
Veronica was eighteen years old, and her mother had died the year before. Her mother had been tricked into an abusive marriage by her father, and the doom of a housewife’s life was expected of her also. Veronica smiled at the thought of not having restrictions.
In front of her there was a clump of maple trees, and a small stream that bubbled cheerfully. And when Veronica stretched her neck, craned it forward and squinted her eyes, she could see her friend Luke waiting for her in his bright red car. He had come for support.
And then, the flood hit her. As she stepped out of the woods into the fading sunset, she was hit by the most powerful flood of realization she thought possible. She didn’t need to look behind her, or at her feet, or shut her eyes, she simply needed to look ahead, and she saw all that she could be.
~~~~~
Veronica smiled as she stepped into the woods. She saw a black trench coat waiting for her. She stepped forward and began to speak; Veronica knew what to do, and she swelled with joy as her path, and more importantly the way she would walk it, fell perfectly into place.
End.
2007-10-26 13:06:39 · 14 answers · asked by ~S~ is for Stephanie! 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Does anyone here in P&S understand the format, the consistencies...it doesn't seem anyone does, and this is one of my favorite pieces I've written!
Just give me opinions, thanks. :)
2007-10-26 13:07:18 · update #1
To me, it's like four different tellings of the same event, some with more background, some with less.
Like four different reporters from different newspapers or if you like, the same event as portrayed in the four gospels - each with it's own emphasis because of the target audience, or because of the specific knowledge of the author.
It's easy to follow the thread because the themes and events recur in a recognisable format - when you read all the accounts, that's when you get the fullest picture, but each account stands on it's own.
For what it's worth - I liked it.....
2007-10-26 13:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the question. See, if it's someone asking for a list of movies or music, I read first so that I don't repeat answers and they get the biggest selection of different ideas as possible. If it's more of a "What's Your Opinion?" question, I just type as I feel.
2016-04-10 08:39:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the feeling is definitely there but i have to be honest it is a little whimsicle and cryptic i don't know if you are going for a short story or a poem. It has potential to be a great piece of work I think you need to change a lot of the wording. There is just a lot of implications rather than facts you know. But creative.
2007-10-26 13:12:17 · answer #3 · answered by Roxanne G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know if I am a "smart" P & S er but I'll try:
This represents the years of hurt and fear from the abuse Veronica's father put onto her and her mother. She killed him in the darkness of that woods and left him and did not turn back.
2007-10-26 13:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by Ink Corporate 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i really love the way you described her memories flooding back to her.I do get the format, but i'm still a little confused. As the story goes on, does it go into more detail about her life?
2007-10-26 13:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by The Dreamer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It pretty good, but not perfect. I can't quite catch the feel of the story. I think it would've been better if you wrote it in first person point-of-view, especially since it seems to be based on a real life experience. It moves the readers more if it's like that. =)
2007-10-26 13:15:26 · answer #6 · answered by CoKi 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like it. I love how she finally is released of all that has held her back and even tho she feels a little remorse for what might have been she keeps going. Feelings of hurt and anxiety really jump out here.
2007-10-26 13:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its really good!! So sad that stuff like that happens in life. Ur a great writer. How did you fit all of that into the limit?? I always run out of space!! And yes, we P&Sers are smart =D
2007-10-26 13:12:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are clearly a "very, very gifted" writer. You need to do three things. Write, write and then write somemore!
john
2007-10-26 13:12:51 · answer #9 · answered by JOHN 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Far too long. It's past 1 AM, on a Friday night, come on!
2007-10-26 13:09:48 · answer #10 · answered by ǝsɹnuʎxǝs 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋