Will you read my short story please?

Question

It's called "Fragments", and it's really sturctural and can be quite confusing. I just want to see if people will understand it...so tell me what you think of it, please?

The girl smiled sadly as she walked away. Woods stretched behind her, dark and unfulfilling. Her father was staring after her; she could feel his contemptuous gaze piercing her back.
She felt no regret for what she had done. Her father deserved it and she knew it. A bad childhood, nightmares every night, her life and future always hindered by shadows of the past.
Why hadn’t he ever left her alone? Why did her memories always follow her?
Out of her line of vision she knew her father was punching something, expressing his anger in some way.
“Is he remembering all those bad things he did to my mother? Is he remembering all the things he had planned for me, would have forced me into? Does he regret them?” she wondered. She felt the urge to look behind her. The creaking of branches and the wind rustling behind her seemed deafening. She began to turn around.
She turned, slowly, slowly, until she could begin to see a black trench coat.
And then she was hit with a flood. And all she could feel was hurt and regret and who she used to be.
~~~~~~~~

Veronica smiled sadly as she walked away. She took stock of herself: she felt totally secure, if only a little sad.
Veronica concentrated on nothing but the moment she was currently residing in, the step she was taking at that moment. She stared at the leaves under her feet.
Her father had mistreated her mother all those years, and now, right now, she was mistreating him.
Veronica could only feel the wind on her cheeks, she had shut her eyes. “I wonder if Mother is proud of me, wherever she is.” She wondered.
Rocks scattered under Veronica’s feet, and she could feel hair whipping against her face. “No regrets, don’t turn back.” She mentally chanted to herself.
It wasn’t until she stumbled over a root with her eyes closed that Veronica was hit by a flood.
She might not be able to see behind her, but she couldn’t see where she was going either.
~~~~~

Veronica Donahue smiled sadly as she walked away. She did not deliberately control anything; she simply said what she had to say to her father about all those years of hurt, and then she had left, feeling however she liked. Veronica was free.
The only thing she could see was a horizon stretching out to forever, it seemed almost comically metaphorical.
Veronica was eighteen years old, and her mother had died the year before. Her mother had been tricked into an abusive marriage by her father, and the doom of a housewife’s life was expected of her also. Veronica smiled at the thought of not having restrictions.
In front of her there was a clump of maple trees, and a small stream that bubbled cheerfully. And when Veronica stretched her neck, craned it forward and squinted her eyes, she could see her friend Luke waiting for her in his bright red car. He had come for support.
And then, the flood hit her. As she stepped out of the woods into the fading sunset, she was hit by the most powerful flood of realization she thought possible. She didn’t need to look behind her, or at her feet, or shut her eyes, she simply needed to look ahead, and she saw all that she could be.
~~~~~
Veronica smiled as she stepped into the woods. She saw a black trench coat waiting for her. She stepped forward and began to speak; Veronica knew what to do, and she swelled with joy as her path, and more importantly the way she would walk it, fell perfectly into place.

End.

Answer 1

It's certainly different, but it is good. I like how you introduce the character little by little, giving us just a bit of the character in each paragraph. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

I read it, target audience aside. It was interesting. I took it as a memory lived with different emotional choices. But it also seemed like the undertone of regret was carried through out the whole story. If the char actor is fictional maybe you should write at different times depending on your mood. Also maybe you should explore yourself if your going to continue this style of writ ting. Interesting writ ting style though(if I got it right:)<--{i wish}

Answer 3

It''s a very different from other stories, but it has its own style...very nice! Very descriptive on her feelings and her situation. I really like how they were fragments, but they were all connected somehow, with the repetition of smiling sadly as she walked away. It was very unique how you used that in different times, then she seems to find her destiny. Very good!

Answer 4

I usually dont read, but i like this. and im sorta confused. what did her father deserve? did she kill him or something?

Answer 5

Love it.