im 33 she 27 i have 3 kids from previous marriage she none, we have been together 4 years ,engaged 1 half years,i just feel that i would like to grow old and enjoy what i have, i would love the married bit just not the kids bit, also she is an only child
2007-10-26 12:30:37 · 17 answers · asked by Scott D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are seriously contemplating marriage to this woman you had better be reconsidering the idea of not having any other children. Having children is a pretty basic urge and I am sure that she is thinking that she will be able to change your mind after the knot is tied. She has probably always dreamed of having a family, especially since she is an only child.I would be surprised if it was not also on the mind of her parents. If you are totally closed to the prospect of ever having children with a woman who is only 27 then you need to say that and back it up with a vasectomy to make it irrevokable. I doubt that she really believes that she won't be able to change your mind and "accidents" can always happen. Just be prepared that you are asking her to deny herself the same joy and pleasure that you yourself indulged in with your former wife and she would be well within the realm of normal to kick your butt to the curb.
2007-10-26 12:47:23 · answer #1 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She probably is understanding of your feeling on this but she isn't hearing you. The thing is, most women want kids or more kids if they're of a certain age. If she already had one, I'd say she might be willing to let the idea of another child go. However, she isn't a mother yet and I guarantee you, her biological clock is chiming. And keeping you both awake at night, obviously. If your relationship is perfect in every way, I say work through this. But this is a serious life decision. She isn't going to change her mind. She is going to want kids and resent you if you don't comply.
2007-10-26 13:01:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you need to make a decision, my friend. All I can say is protect your sperm. If she wants children so badly and you don't, then you need to come to terms about it or go your separate ways. Don't let this topic drag on. Make a decision to not have any more children (well it seems like you already made it). If she wants children...then you may have to send her packing so that you can enjoy the rest of your life (and time and money)...and she can find someone else to get married to to have children with. It's not fair for one of you to be bitter because of caving into pressure from the other one or to even put a guilt trip on.
2007-10-26 12:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so glad that you are talking about this before you get married. Do not have more children unless you are 100% on board with it. Resolve this issue before the marriage happens.
2007-10-26 13:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then it isn't a good match. She wants kids. You have a ton of them. Focus on being a dad and leave this girl alone to search for what she really desires.
2007-10-26 12:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by spinster wife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's only natural for her to want to have kids of her own with the man she loves. if this is seriously something you can't see yourself doing and she isn't willing to give it up either, then let her go. this is a huge issue to disagree on and neither of you are wrong for feeling the way you do. but you will always fight about it if you can't see eye to eye.
2007-10-26 12:46:01 · answer #6 · answered by hh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT selfish for not wanting to have anymore children. However, she should not have to compromise herself or her dreams. You need to discuss this with her. If she absolutely must have children of her own and you absolutely do not want more children then you MUST break up. If you have children you don't want then you will resent them and her. Likewise, if she never has the children she wanted she will resent you.
2007-10-26 12:46:00 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since the two of you don't agree on having children it would be best if you didn't get married.
2007-10-26 18:06:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eh, what's one more at that point. You really shouldn't deny her a kid because of your three from a previous marriage.
2007-10-26 13:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by x2000 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Then quit waisting her time Scott and dump her. There are plenty of unselfish men out here waiting to meet her.
Good luck.
2007-10-26 12:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋