I just lost my mother in June 2007?

Question

How long will it take for my emotions to get back on track? when will the pain go away? I know it's only been 4 months but I won't cry I always felt that crying is a sign of weakness but I know it's not true...But I've always been the type of woman that really don't others to see me crying...what should I do?

Answer 1

my friend lost his mother over 1 year ago and he is still sensitive about the issue.

Answer 2

You should let yourself cry, when and if you feel comfortable with it. Bottling up emotions has terrible repercussions, both physically as well as of course emotionally.

You ARE NOT on a timetable! Give yourself a break! You have just had a major change/trauma in your life. There is no "getting back on track," rather getting used to how your life is now. I really recommend grief counseling, talking with friends, a trusted clergy or community member. Despite the scandals, they do exist.

Age plays a big factor. I was 10 when I lost my mom, and it jacked me up but GOOD. Just be willing and able to let yourself experience your grief and heartache. If you believe in prayer, that can be a source of comfort. Don't try to self medicate. Exercise when you can. Meditation, yoga, being with people you love and trust, can all help.

I like to say that the pain doesn't really go away, but your ability to deal with the pain grows more each and every day. Again: don't put your grief (or you) on a schedule, or a time table. You'll only mess yourself up if you do that. Be patient with yourself!

Answer 3

You lost your mother, give way to your emotions. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength to keep on going. There's no time limit on grief, people experience it in different ways. You shouldn't care what others think, they are not your judge or jury. You are human, with feelings and emotions, not a machine. Sometimes the pain eases over time. Sometime, there are things that might make you remember something special and you cry and that's okay to. Take your time. I lost my mother also. Take your time.

Answer 4

Ia'm sorry , about your loss!!?? I hope the Lord give you great strength and courage to endure this pain , so you can move on with your life, your mom it's in a better place, know you pick up the pieces, this mean is ok to cry you off to that way you will feel better, It's very hard to cope with the death of a love one , it may take a long time it depends on how Spiritual you are, just pray and give this burding to the Lord he promise , that He will keep you in perfect Peace to those who Mind stayed , focus on Him, and yes i do know that some people doesnt'like to cry in fron't of others , but we are humans and that is what we suppose to do, our flesh is too week, Jesus weep and th e Bible tell us that he did weep because He was a very compassionate person he love every one and he couldn't, stand seen any one suffering. And His compassion would never fail us, So you just hang in there we all will see our love one again if you are a christian and believe this it will happen in the Resurrection of the body, May the Grace of God watch over you, in all your ways. be bless, joyce_ m rosalinda.

Answer 5

There are a lot of factors that effect it. Know that you will be different from everyone else. Having lost my dad a little over a year ago, I can tell you there are ups and downs, progressions and regressions through stages such as denial, anger, bargining, depression and acceptance. Many things effect your time needed. The more you loved them the more you will grieve. If you knew it was comming you probably did some of your grieving before hand (I had no warning). How much time and how easily you let your self grieve will also effect it (I tended towards total collapse early on, yet seemed to get through it faster then some of my family members that were too busy to have a chance to mourn early on). Also your age, theirs, and the effects on anyone who depended on them effects your feelings (I was 25, he was 64, my brother was only 17 and not yet graduated, my mom suddenly had huge new burdens on her). You will grieve each role that person played (family mechanic, protector, mother, grandma, cook, etc). Finally, I personally don't know if one ever gets over it if they don't really believe that the deceased person is in a better place and that you will see her again. And you will always miss them some, but it won't hurt to do so, kind of like with a good friend on a long trip.

Outsiders likely will not understand. I broke down in front of a teacher like six months after losing my dad. I don't think she understood how much I was still hurting on some days, being in the depressed stage. Yet others have had such experiences in similar timeframes or even later. It was 9 months before I really felt like I wanted to go on with life, but I think I could have continued with something consistant long before that, like a pre-existing job. I did with school for a time but had to make arrangements for delays since much of my homework time was spent grieving. I also had to take a semester off since I wasn't ready to step it up a notch to the practical portion of my program. By a year later, though I am doing fine, having succummed to the new normal.

I was really helped by seeing a councler (available free through my school) and a free group session called Grief Share. Grief Share has a website where you can look for such a group in your area if you want.

Hope this helps. God be with you.

Answer 6

My poor friend.... Crying is not a sign of weakness, where did you get that from? I am a very strong individual but crying just makes me human, not weak. The pain never goes away, you just learn better ways of dealing with it. Share your loss with others, talk about your Mum, accept sympathy it does not make you weak, you are not alone in your grief. Life goes on and we do what we have to do but in "private" moments allow yourself the privelege of grieving, rant, rage, weep, whatever, but you must let your emotions have free rein. You have suffered deeply, society demands that we are strong, that we can be as "usual" but this is not the case. The face we present to the world is ok but we must vent our emotions in private if necessary. The secret is to differentiate between the two. In Victorian times whole streets came out in mourning for a neighbour, today we are expected to be back at work within five days of losing a parent! Do not let society dictate your grief. I know you will be ok, it will just take time, as it has for me and countles others. Bless you and take care x

Answer 7

I'm very sorry.

I lost my dad about 6.5 years ago and I very often think about him, and whenever there are sentimental scenes (father/daughter) in movies, TV ads, songs, or when there are moments - like holidays - or things that remind me of him I still cry sometimes. I first couldn't cry when I learned he had passed...... then I cried a lot for a few days but after a few days it stopped. My mother was mad at me cuz she didn't see me crying all the time so she felt as if I didn't care enough.... but each one of us handle pain differently and what works for some people doesn't work for others. I don't think my dad wanted to see me crying all day long just to prove I missed him. I tried to move on with my life, but of course it often hurt so I just let it out whenever I could, whether I was alone or with someone else. I also hated people to see me crying, because I felt they'd take advantage of my vulnerability, but believe me, if there's someone that wants to do that they will do it whether you cry or not. So just give yourself some RELEASE!!! It really does help to cry. You feel as if you got rid of a big load.... if you don't feel like, don't force it and do other things that help you feel better. But if you do, don't care about what others say!! Just live your mourning as you feel is best, and probably consider taking therapy, as this is very helpful too. There are tanatologists that can really help you through the grieving. Other than that, only time will help you feel better...... just try to continue with your life as normally as possible and time will give you comfort. Just think that your mother IS in a better place now, and that she wouldn't be happy to see you feeling miserable. Take care..... blessings.

Answer 8

I am so sorry, it will get easier, in time, and you'll be able to reflect on all the good times you had with happiness,

don't beat yourself up, all the emotions you are going through are normal, its part of the healing process,

talk about how you feel to a close friend or your partner, if you don't feel you can talk write it down, you need a release, don't bottle it up inside,

crying is not a sign of weakness, its our release valve, take a walk into the countryside and let it go, if you don't want anyone to hear you, but no one would think you are weak.

please take care

luv cathybaby x

Answer 9

Let yourself cry, and others will comfort you. The pain will never go away unless you not think about it. I, also, lost my mother in December 2006, so I know how it feels. Letting yourself cry is not a sign of weakness, but it means that you just gotta let it out. It's not good for you to keep it all cooped up inside yourself, it'll cause a great depression again.

If you dont FEEL like crying infront of others, then don't. but it's okay to cry wherever if you've suffered a loss.

R.I.P. to your mom

PS: I used to hate it when people said "She's in a better place now" because I thought she would NEVER be happy without me. But then I learned that she can see us and be in paradise.

Answer 10

Honey a lost expecailly your mother the most important person in the world.The pain takes time it will never go away it just seems less hurt full as time goes by.And you need to cry just let it all out you need to Moran. pray to god in a private space and cry crying is not a sign of weakness it a natural emotion. and every one cry.

Answer 11

Unfortunately, I don't think the pain ever real goes away. You start to feel better, but you may be reminded of your loss from time to time. It's okay and completely normal to feel sad and also to cry. I got over people seeing me cry long ago. I feel like life is to short to worry about what other people think of us. I think loss and pain also serve to remind us of this.

I am so sorry about your mother. I hope you find some peace.