One of my closest friends has been involved with a married man for over a year. She cooled it off because she felt wrong for cheating on his wife with him. Now he claims he's legally seperated and says he's in love with her. She's also been casually seeing a coworker for a long time and even miscarried his child all while she was still communicating with the married guy. She says her relationship with the coworker is purely for sex and is now about to cool that off to give it a go with the married man even though she seems happiest when with the coworker. While I want her to be happy, I also think that she's making a mistake because the married guy has disappointed her before and seems very manipulative in guilting her into seeing him again. She thinks she's in love with him too but given how miserable she's been over him in the past, I'm concerned. I know I should not make it my business but I'm the only one who knows what's been going on. Am I wrong to be worried for her? Any advice?
2007-10-26 10:56:39 · 16 answers · asked by HackerGirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As a good friend, you can be worried, give some gentle guidance, but I'm afraid that is all...She's an adult, the "ball" as they say, is in "her court". She knows the situation and proceeds to carry on with both a married guy and another at the same time. You do know what this makes her, don't you? Hm. The girl has no values or morals per se...unfortunate.
What kind of a friend is this exactly? Someone one, I surmise who needs a whole lot more help than a good friend like you - but some time on a shrink's couch. She is one confused gal, to state the least - and not truly fit at this time in her life, for a sustainable, long lasting, loving relationship - WITH ANYONE.
I would encourage her to seek help from a completely objective, qualified source, such as a counselor. I really would...she's on a collision course with herself, and apparently, doesn't even know it.
Truly sad. I wish you luck...and if it gets to be too much too handle - give yourself a little distance from her, to protect your self, your feelings and worry.
Grace
2007-10-26 11:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After being involved w/ a married man for a few yrs, I can relate to him telling her they are seperated. Tell her to ask to see the legal seperation paperwork. I have learned the hard way that his use of 'seperated' only applies to when he is not w/ his wife every minute of the day. Been there done that. Unfortunately, the casual relationship w/ the co-worker doesnt sound to casual if they are having unprotected sex enough for her to get prego. She really needs to decide which one she wants, but before she does that she has to determine whether or not married man is really seperated? And is he seperated b/c his wife found out? Is he seperated b/c his wife left him or is she just wanting a break while they go through marital counseling? I later learned that the above reasons were the REAL reasons they were seperated. A married man is extremely unlikely to leave his wife for her, how much heartache is she willing to take. If she loves him, and he loves her, then he should have no problem w/ filing for DIVORCE right away, right? In the end if she is as gullible as I was, and loves him till she ignores the obvious, there is nothing you can do... Just suport her through the inevitable troubles, and gently try to steer her right, but expect that your words will fall on deaf ears.
2007-10-26 11:05:21 · answer #2 · answered by Avodah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong to be worried for her, that's what good friends do. I would just tell her to find a guy who's not involved. If that married guy can cheat on his wife to be with your friend, he will do the same thing to your friend if they get together. Just sit down with your friend and tell her exactly how you feel about the whole situation. Tell her you are genuinely worried for her and want to see her happy. Eventhough she may not do what you wish she would, atleast you know you've tried and it wont be all on you if something does go wrong. Hope this helps!
2007-10-26 11:03:47 · answer #3 · answered by Victoria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're not wrong for being worried. but it's always a tough situation for people when it comes to friends' relationships. when it's good they want you there to hear all about how great it is and when it's bad they want their head on your shoulder and your ear to listen to what an a.... bsolute meanie the guy is. but they never what your input when you think they could get hurt. you could try telling her wait until the divorce is final because before then, he could get back with his wife anytime. or you could just root for the coworker. positive reinforcement you know... just tell her i thought he was a really great guy and you should give him a chance. or just be honest tell her you don't want to see her get hurt by him again. and you are worried about her well being. good luck with this. if you are still friends in the end i bet she'll be back on your shoulder in a month giving you an earful.
2007-10-26 11:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by bernel1403 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her exactly what your feeling. maybe this is some painful feelings she is going to have to go through. its all part of life. both guys dont sound good to me. and she already admitted to likeing the coworker only for sex. its very clear she wont end up with these guys for very long. the married guy is not a good relationship because he's a lier, cheater, and doesn't care about womens feelings (didnt care about his wifes did he?). so let her know that. she may be stubborn and agree with you and just keep up the relationships. its her life. your a good friend for worrying about her.
2007-10-26 11:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by "Your Name" on my *SS 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your not wrong to be worried for as a good friend you care...but you can't stop your friend from the choices she's determined to make and follow thru with...all you can really do is be there when she falls, and she will, for she's headed down a path that she'll only find heartache at the end of
2007-10-26 11:03:16 · answer #6 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are a very good friend, and that's why your worried. Your friend should stop going around with that married man. This man can hurt her again, and if not, his wife can hurt her. I think you should just tell your friend that you don't want to see her get hurt.
2007-10-26 11:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if you're worried, then there's a reason for it. Talk to her and give her some ultimatums about later in life and what will be best for her long term. Give her a lecture about hurting and toying with men, because that sinks us to their level. You won't want to sound like a mom, but you do what you have to to protect those you love.
2007-10-26 11:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by Alicia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but she sounds like a total slapper. I would tell her that unless she lays off other folks men and gets one for herself then you are out of the picture. I can appreciate you see her as the victim but if she was so in love with this guy then she wouldn't have been off with the work colleague. I would tell her your honest opinion but then back right off and let her deal with it in her own way, I certainly wouldn't feel guilty!
2007-10-26 11:13:51 · answer #9 · answered by kdee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would be worried. if the married guy cheated on his wife...who's to say that he won't cheat on her. unfortunatly, it's her decision. just be there for her to have a shoulder to cry on. cause she's more than likely to get hurt!!! always be there for her. if you are a good friend, you already know that.
2007-10-26 11:02:11 · answer #10 · answered by Madison 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋