Why do people knock people that aren't married and pregnant down...?

Question

I am 8 months pregnant and NO IM NOT MARRIED.... But why do people always look down upon, frown upon, etc to those that are pregnant but not married?

I just asked a question not to long ago about being jealous about my boyfriend and me possibly driving him away with my wondering mind and hormones since I've been pregnant and almost all the answers I got in response to why I was being jealous was because I wasn't married therefore leaving me to wonder what he's doing, and if he'll leave...which is not the case.

HELLO the last time I checked husbands leave and cheat on their wives so being married wouldn't change my thoughts or feelings

I am one of the few people that do not want to get married, but I don't criticize those that love the bond of a being husband and wife I think it's great but not for me

Answer 1

There are many reasons to marry and NOT live together:

1. The children you have will not be illegitimate
2. Couples who live together before marriage are TWICE as likely to divorce
3. Couples who live together have more unstable relationships. Only ONE out of ten actually stay together for more than 5 years. Imagine how this instability affects the children!
4. Cohabitating women statistically shoulder not only most of the housework and childcare load, but also end up contributing 70% of the family income
5. Men in cohabiting relationships are FOUR times more likely to be unfaithful than husbands.
6. The rate of STD among cohabiting couples is six times higher than among married women.
7. Depression, poverty, abuse and violence are much more likely in couples who are living together.
8. Children suffer in higher numbers when a couple of living together - they are more likely to be poor, be the victims of physical or sexual abuse, do poorly in school and have emotional and behavioral problems.
9. 75% of children involved in criminal activity were from cohabiting households!
10. Compared to a married woman, a woman living with a man is THREE times more likely to experience physical aggression, and nine times more likely to be murdered.

Living together is one of those things that sounds good in theory but rarely works well in practice.

A group of women posting their "success" stories on Yahoo cannot blot out the facts and the statistics. They speak for themselves. Living together is bad for women and children.

Now, just because many marriages are ending in divorce these days is NOT a reason to say "ok, let's get rid of marriage and start living in sin." Our response should be "how do we make marriages stronger and more committed?"

We shouldn't abandon marriage.

We should work to make it better.

Answer 2

Newsflash: people love stereotypes. Since some men don't marry their women and cheat on them and leave them then all unmarried couples must belong to that group. There couldn't possibly be a couple who truly loves each other, values their committment to their family, who simply doesn't feel the need to buy a piece of paper and have some stranger tell them "now I say you're married!"

I've stopped caring what other people think of my relationship. Everyone in my life that matters knows my relationship is strong. I've been with my man long enough to see other friends get married and divorced - some more than once!

The only people who care and think I'm doing something bad are those who don't know me and my husband and our shared values at all. These are the people that hold their rigid view that man-woman love relationships are defined in a very black and white way. If you don't get married, you're sinning, you aren't commited, you'll be poor parents, etc. No matter what I say wouldn't change their minds, so why try?

Oh, and for the record, I've "been there, done that". My unmarried relationship has long outlasted my marriage. And I was totally committed to my marriage, don't get me wrong. HE wasn't as committed as he professed to be.

Answer 3

It's more of a religious belief that has turned traditional. It is widely believed that marriage guarantees a two parent household which in turn provides the stability needs to raise a child. Also all of the recent studies that are trying to prove that single parent households damage a child's development in one way or another. However, I totally agree that it is much more important to have to healthy and happy parents than it is to have a married man and woman. Some parents may be same sex, some may be a one night stand who still want the best for the child, and some may be an unmarried couple who love each other more than most married couples. Only you know what's best for your baby. Don't let anyone discourage you. Your only job is to be the best mother you can be. Prove them wrong.

Marriages have so many ways to go wrong that people don't realize how much an unhappy marriage hurts a child way more than living in an ummarried household.

Answer 4

I will tell you, I don't care either way. I was married, got pregnant, got divorced, got with my boyfriend, had a baby boy with him, had a miscarriage, and am pregnant again. And he also has a daughter. So I am only 24 and have 3 kids usually to myself because he is always on the road, have 1 more on the way and no ring on my finger. I have been married and know that nothing changes just from signing a piece of paper. We will eventually get married but what is the point of rushing to get married when we are faithful to each other and love each other with everything we have. If we are willing to continue having a family together its just as good as being married. Let them judge, you are the one who is happy. If they are judging, they are not happy and they are just looking for someone to look down on.

Answer 5

I believe that two people should marry each other because they love each other, not because they are having a baby. That will only create more problems in the future and the child will be raised in an unhappy home. I think that as long as both parents are happy and willing to both put 150% into that child and their relationship they shouldn't get married "just because". They can be perfectly good parents and they're relationship will probably prosper because of it. There is a 50% divorce rate in the US after all.

Answer 6

I don't know why.I think people just want to be on a high horse.I'm 20 years old, 8 months as well with my first,and married.Its not easy being pregnant,young,and married so I personally wouldn't judge a female who isn't married but is pregnant.But in this day and age where the significant other can be just that and nothing more..people should know better and keep their noses in their own bussiness because I'm sure their lives aren't peachy.Noones is.

Answer 7

I am unmarried and pregnant right now. I always have believed that just because you and a guy have a child together, there is no reason to get married. I am also from Quebec, and there is a very liberal society here. I know my parents got married because they were expecting me, and that was a big mistake, they were always arguing, and never got along, as a kid, I felt responsible for their misery.

I have spent my entire life working on my career so that in the event that I wouldn't meet Mr. Right, I could still have a family as a single mom, and offer stability to my family.

I love all the celeb single moms, look at Heidi Klum, what a strong role model for single moms, She actually dated while she was pregnant with her first child, Nodbody ever put her down for that!

Well, wouldn't you know it, I did meet Mr right, and we were already planning our wedding when I found out I was expecting....

Stay strong!

Answer 8

I personally agree with you, although I am married.

I don't judge anyone. I definitely don't judge someone who is pregnant and not married. It isn't my place nor am I remotely qualified to judge.

I have often wondered why people who are married judge those that aren't married who may be pregnant or already have children. I think no matter what, people will judge and have their own opinions. You could walk into a room full of people that don't know you and they will have something negative to say about you. Everyone's doo doo stinks and I'm sure everyone has done something that would not be to the liking of someone else. I will never understand people.

However, I wish you many blessings for your pregnancy, your relationship and your life.

Congrats and be blessed.

Answer 9

I am not knocking you down at all. I have lived both sides of this. I know that having a baby while married is so much easier than having a baby single.

Answer 10

well people look down on it because they see it as more taxs being spend on single parents being married both perents should be able to support their child and give them the benefit of having both parents around for sure because they are married but when there is just one parent people look at it as if the child is missing out on half of its life because the other parent is not around but i feel you im not married and my babys father is now stating that the child is not his because he was not ready but people elook at it as married couples stay together longer and just partners can leave anytime they want but its all bull to me being married is bull and being married is bull because in some point cheating on the other person is always an issue