Am I the only one who was not sheltered as a child?

Question

It seems to me that many parents are extremely over-protective and try hard to keep their children in the dark about the issues of the world. I know that there are many who don't do this, but I am surprised to see how many that do.

I knew all about the issues taking place in the world, both the good and the bad, and about the functions of human relationships, and all of that other good stuff, when I was no older than 6.

I was never banned from watching rated R movies, and I saw many horror and psychological thrillers at the same age, and it never bothered me, or screwed me up. I think it does depend on the child, but I was quite mature for my age, and able to understand the difference between fiction and reality. I even used to rationalize things to myself.

My point is, my parents never hid the facts of life from me when I was younger, and now I feel like I am more stable and able to face the world than many other people I know.

What does everyone else think?

Thanks to everyone that answered! I like to hear what people think!

Anyway, I'd like to note that I am in no way perfect. Nobody is. We all have our quirks and issues, and I think it's what makes the world a bit more interesting. I do not want to sound like I am worshipping myself, or telling anyone how to parent. I am also not saying that you should sit down with your toddler and talk to him or her about rape, etc. I'm just saying, that when issues do pop-up, instead of hiding it, I think it's best to explain and to educate. Every child is very different, and some can take things other's cant. I know that my younger brother is a lot more frightened by things that never bothered me. So it should all be within context. I just think that people should allow their child to explore before they ban, because maybe they won't react in the way you think they might. That is just MY opinion, and there is no right or wrong answer. It is subjective. ;)

Answer 1

well, this is a very complicated issue...

the reason that most people do not allow their children to watch anything violent, sexually provocative, offensive, etc. is A) because they don't want to have to explain it to them, B) studies have shown that these things tend to leave lasting impressions on children (more to be explained later) and C) some people simply don't know how to parent. (though there are more, in my opinion, these are the top three).

First and foremost, no matter how you slice it, people are lazy. They do not want to have to sit and explain to a child about the birds and the bees, especially at the age of 6, because the child simply won't get it and it will take hours and hours for it to sink in. On top of that, they do not really know HOW to explain it to their kids because it was never explained to them as a child.

Next, people don't want their child watching anything that will adversly effect their child's impressionable little mind. This is all hogwash because a parent who knows HOW to parent would explain to the child the difference between right and wrong. You have to instill morals at a young age. Most people turn to the bible because it is what we have been doing for a long, long time. We even have cute little illustrated versions of the bible with cute little lambs in it so children can relate (the equivalent of Joe Camel in my opinion). Parents should not turn to the bible, but in fact should turn to real life, along with experience, to teach their child right and wrong. This would help to eliminate some of the garbage that we have to deal with, like pro-life and the abolshing of gay people's civil liberties. But, because our country was built "under God," we have to suffer. But I digress. Those who study "bad children" are always looking for a reason why the child acts the way he does. It's always, "I don't understand. Johnny was so good. I don't know why he shot up the school?" So researchers immediately ask, "what were his hobbies?" "Well, he like to listen to loud heavy metal music." "Well then, we have our answer." Complete idiocy. It wasn't the damn music. People have been writing poetry about death for years. You don't see a group of kids quoting Poe after killing anyone, do you? Of course not. In fact, they couldn't because their parents won't read it to them. It's not the kids, it's the parents.

Most people are just BAD PARENTS. It's not the child's fault. He was told to turn off the Simpson's because they use foul language like "***" and "damn." So instead of the parent instituting some sort of punishment for acting out what the child sees on T.V., the condemn the Simpson's and attempt to hide the program from them. Of course, I am only using the Simpson's as an example, but you should be able to get my point. People need to stop blaming others and start taking their child's actions and character on themselves. As always, there are always exceptions to everything and every where something bad is it's own, but in general, people need to start parenting better. It's a tough time we live in and it takes a WHOLE LOT to raise a child. That's why it very well might not be the right fit for everyone... but hey, that's never stopped anyone before.

Answer 2

I don't know how old you are now, but I wonder if you really had a childhood. I think that when kids are watching things like you watched at an early age become numb to things such as killing, sex, drug use or other things depicted in R rated movies. I can tell by your writing it has had some effect on you. Maybe you're a little too matter of fact about things. The problem with seeing the things you saw at such an early age is that you can't really process them correctly, making it difficult to have feelings for the object of the ordeal in the movie ie. the young lady who is being slashed. How do you feel when you hear a baby cry? How do you react when you see an animal in pain? How do you feel when a friend who has been sheltered, tells you their problems? Do you just think "deal with it!" I don't know. Are you really asking "Does this mean my parents really didn't care about what I saw?" Your question is difficult to answer here, but I'm sure someone else will do better than Me.

Answer 3

How do you know you're not screwed up in some way? I've never met one single person who didn't have issues of some kind.

Everyone is different. Generally, allowing young children to watch horror films is not advisable, because they get nightmares and have problems. Not everyone is like you remember - many adults never learn the difference between fiction and reality!

There are a lot worse things parents do than try to shield their children from some of the more unpleasant sides of life. There's nothing wrong with letting a young child keep his or her 'innocence' - there's plenty of time to find out about everything as you get older. I know I wouldn't want my 3 year old niece knowing about murder, rape etc - she just doesn't need to. She has no knowledge or comprehension whatsoever of how hideous people can be to each other, and I think that's a good thing. She'll find out in time, when she's old enough. She certainly won't be watching the news and discovering that in fact, the world is full of people shooting/stabbing/raping other people until she's quite a bit older. And in fact if I met any prepubescent who did know of these things and wasn't disturbed by them, I would find that worrying!

Chalice

Answer 4

I think it isn't right for parents to hide things from their children and be overprotective of them. How else are they going to be able to cope with the many bad things in the world as adults? You can't just shelter them and then expect them to be able to deal with those things when they turn 18. My younger daughter was 7 years old at the time of the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks. I did not try to hide the news from her. She saw footage of people jumping out of the windows and it didn't seem to do any permanent damage to her. She just said they did it because they were trapped and had no other choice. On the other hand, I knew parents with children her age who did everything they could to keep the news from them. I can't help but wonder how these children will be able to cope with tragedies when they're older.

Answer 5

I was exposed to many things as a youngster that I will not allow my children to be exposed to. I have images in my head from movies and news stories I saw when I was 8-10 and they haunt me 20-some years later.

I think extended childhood is a good thing. There is no reason to strip a child of his innocence. In the "olden days" kids were allowed to be children well into their teens. They had long childhoods and short adolescence.

My children know there is a dark side to this world, but they are not allowed to partake of it. They are exposed to good, so they learn good.

I'm just guessing, but I'm thinking you can't be older than college age and will realize your lenient upbringing may well have implications later in life. The fact that you are stable and able to face the world, shows that your parents were there for you and allowed you develop confidence, not that exposure to bizarre, horrid images dulled your fears.

Answer 6

My parents are very conservative and so I was (and still am) living an extremely sheltered life, and I don't regret this. I have to say that I'm glad they kept me away from things that weren't age appropriate, and I would do the same to my kids. I truly believe that kids who are allowed to learn things that they shouldn't learn grow up a more troubled life than one who isn't allowed this. My friends who were allowed to watch whatever they wanted are now not doing as good in school and are spending their time on their social lives...what can I say...sheltering may be a struggle, but it works.

Answer 7

Well, my mother remaried when I was 10. Two weeks after, he kicked me out to the curb. I was about two months shy of my 11 birthday. From that time one I had to support myself and spent the years before joining the Army living and paying board from classmates parents. I made my keep mainly raking leaves, mowing lawns and shoveling snow. All non powered equipment. Later working in a veterinary hospital and church-synagog dish washing. My school grades suffered as a consequence. Biggest problem was competing with classmates that had their parents do the work. That was readily apparent with science projects. Mine always looked pathetic by comparison.

So, no, I think you have it pretty good. Look around and compare. Things could be worse and apreciate what you have.

Answer 8

I agree with you. Not only sheltered from the real world but also spoiled rotten. I see you can be emailed. If i find this writing I have about the way things used to be vs. the way things are today concerning growing up, i will send it to you. It's not boreing it just kind of makes you wonder why things have changed so much. It shows how silly some of the changes really are.

Answer 9

I would think not, there are children who saw too much and others not enough. It has to be a just balance.
I will agree with you that watching hard movies won't make you a serial killer, as parents we are the teachers. We do have a duty to prepare our children to the good and bad of this world, but at the right age. If we show to much, too soon, they will age too fast and lose a part of their childhood.
I always told my children, that this world is a jungle where there is lots of beauty to see as well as dangers. The trick is to be well prepare, not too much, not too little!
Good day!

Answer 10

People only do what they think is best within the context of their own experiences.

If you really want to make a change... write a book on the subject and then get people to try out your techniques then wait 20 years and see what happens.