I've never had a long term relationship b/c I don't really bealive that two people could stay together more than two or three months, and, to be honest I don't want to get involved.
Now, the point is that all my friends, and especially my family are always critisizing me because of that. Sometimes they become so enoying.
I know that a real relationship might be so ok, but who can ensure me that he'll never cheat on me or ever deceive me?
And, moreover, many men that I've met are so interested in how i look that i wonder whether they ever appreciate me for the way i am not for the image they've created into their minds?
2007-10-26 09:26:39 · 17 answers · asked by AnneMarie 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's hard when everyone around you is telling you to do something. It's very difficult to figure out wether it's something you want or it's just something to make everyone happy.
Remember that you don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes. Your life is your own. You can do with it what you want. As long as your friends aren't threatenning to abandon you if you don't get a relationship you really don't have to listen to them. You are not defined by what you do or by your relationships. You can go through your whole life and never get married or have children or buy a house or a car even hold a job and still be a good person. Once you think this and know this and really believe it, you will be that much better at exploring and finding out what YOU want, what makes YOU happy. Otherwise you will always get confused between what you want and what other people want or think is best.
This is also one of the keys to intimacy. A relationship where you can't validate your own feelings, express them even if the other person doesn't like them or think they are valid, stand up for yourself when you think you're being stepped on, is too scary to enter into and won't be done.
Once you feel you can be yourself with another person, to be happy when you're happy, sad when you're sad, angry when you're angry, bored when you're bored, exited, depressed and so on, intimacy becomes less scary and you don't need guarantees anymore.
2007-10-26 09:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by LG 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go into a relationship with a certain attitude, chances are it will affect the way the relationship turns out. You have to give people a chance. You can't ever be assured that bad things won't happen (cheating etc) but if you never try you never know. Live and learn, you know? Also, isn't physical attraction usually the 1st thing you notice about another person? You know, your eyes see what they see when they first meet someone. You can't just walk up to a person & say you look like you are a good person or whatever. Seriously, give people a chance, you will be better off for it.
Good Luck
PS-I didn't have any long term relationships either, before I met my fiance.
2007-10-26 16:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar Magnolia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard that love and friendships are just emotional transactions between two people. You make friends with other people who are interesting and make you feel better, and your friend in turn gains the same from you.
Love is the same, except you get some 'action' with that. Maintaining a long time relationship with someone simply means the couple thinks they can both grow together and forever have things that they can bring to the table for one another, sometimes it could mean just being in existence for the other person.
If you don't believe in 'love', there is absolutely nothing 'wrong' with that. It just means you don't think you can gain anything from anyone on a long term basis, which may be the truth. Most likely, however, it may just be your own perspective that you can change. There are a lot of people who seek a higher power, or just live in solitude. If that is your choice, then go for it, it's not 'wrong' in anyone's standards.
2007-10-26 16:35:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll reap what you sow. If you judge people by appearances, and pick boyfriends for their looks rather than personality, then they'll do the same.
My wife and I (married 4 years) were attracted to each other when we met, but our relationship is based on shared goals, honest communication, and a commitment that over-rides our own desires.
We believe that we have chosen to live a shared life, and have made public promises to the effect that we will stay together for better or worse throughout our entire lives.
We do not believe there is any way those promises can be dissolved, and we are glad of that, and confident in each others fidelity.
I haven't used the word LOVE in here on purpose. We do love each other very much, but pretending the concept doesn't exist doesn't mean our commitment to each other is any less enduring. If you've never learnt to love, and perhaps never seen what love is like from the outside - never known what it is to be loved, or to see a couple who are genuinely in love - then you really, really, really haven't lived.
2007-10-26 16:35:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No-one ever gets a guarantee that their partner will never cheat or fall out of love etc. But thats what its all about - you make a committment to each other and then try your hardest to live up to it.
One day you may meet a man who you want to be with forever and can trust enough to give it a shot. There are some good guys out there.
2007-10-26 16:30:53 · answer #5 · answered by jeanimus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a cruel biological trick for us to be at our sexual peaks before our mental maturity has developed completely. On top of that add that the vast majority of humans do not define love in terms of; truth, integrity, commitment, giving, intelligence, or partnership. We seem to settle for what our patience will allow us to wait for instead of truly seeking a life partner. To me appearance should be nothing more than a bonus but, it seems to be the primary method of selection. Appearance does have some value in estimating some ones level of self esteem and respect for life but it is used as the primary lure for prospective mates. Animals do behave animal like.
Many people set up criteria for what is expectable for them like; he/she must go to some church, must have attended collage, or maybe some thing to do about employment. But to me these situations do not uncover the truths that you are seeking in a relationship. So, how do you find some one of personal integrity that will see you for what you are and love you? Generally it happens when you are being true to yourself. For instance; if you enjoy art go to a museum and enjoy it for yourself, or music try a symphony by yourself and enjoy it.... what ever it is that you enjoy go there and do it for your own fulfillment. Life happens while most people are sweating the details. Most of all respect yourself so much that you don't settle. You will discover that some one has been waiting or looking for you. It's very easy to test if some one is at any event simply to pick up a beautiful girl. Just ask them questions about the environment that you have chosen to be. You can not do this at a pick up bar. But you can just about every where else.
Good Luck
2007-10-26 16:49:32 · answer #6 · answered by Old guy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know, so many men now are only interested in shallow relationships. What are you really interested in yourself, any serious hobbies or interests? Join a club or go to a class where you meet people with similar interests, and you may develop a real friendship with someone which could grow into something more meaningful, who knows, you may .....'FALL IN LOVE!!!' It does happen! It happened to me, but he died, so you should be prepared to get hurt. But its worth it to have been loved like that!
2007-10-26 16:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by Norah B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try growing up! People can have faithful long term relationships but it has to be what they want and they do have to work at it. You have to learn to trust and be trusted.
2007-10-26 16:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by coffee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find urself a thoughtful honest faithful loving caring good looking creative strong man ,
Oh , they don't exist ?
then I think u have to take the best of the available and accept it for its bads and goods ... Appreciate it , and care for keeping it by ur side ... ^ ^
hope this comforts u a little ./.. !
2007-10-26 16:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by Haitham Emad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself. Love yourself. Even if you get hurt, believe in others., believe that there is integrity in people. Learn to trust. Just because you see others not lasting, doesn't mean yours won't.....
2007-10-26 16:57:35 · answer #10 · answered by Fugitive Peices 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋