if self honesty is so important , then why do people so grossly self deceive all their lives ?

Question

and completely destroy their lives in doing so ?

Answer 1

I think it's usually because they want to do something they're ashamed to do, so they build up self-deceptions to give themselves an excuse. If they weren't ashamed, there would be no reason for all the excuses.

The second reason is that people really, REALLY want to think well of themselves, and once they've done the above they need lots of little lies to justify themselves in their own eyes.

These two processes become habit, and before too long people forget that they were intentionally deceiving themselves in the first place. And since so much of their behavior is based on lies, new lies are continually necessary to cover the old ones. Eventually the line between reality and fakery gets blurry. That's when lives really start to get destroyed.

The biggest trouble is that this sort of thing usually starts early, and by the time people reach their 20s they're already wrapped up in a pretty mix of illusions and self-deception. That's one reason why they're so quick to lap up lies in university and seem to have no concept of critical thinking. Critical thinking requires first to undeceive onself ABOUT oneself, and that's too painful for many to contemplate, so they call their present thinking critical and yet another lie gets piled on.

And the fact is you really can't spend your whole life gazing at your navel trying to figure out which of your beliefs are true; life includes lots of business that simply must get done. It's no easy thing to divest onself of many layers of lies (as I know only too well) so the easiest thing to do is NOT to do what you're ashamed of in the first place. Don't look for an excuse to DO it, find an excuse NOT to do it.

Answer 2

Often self deception feels better than the truth. The truth hurts or can hurt anyway.