His parents currently live with him, and he has never lived alone. He plans on selling his house and moving to the area I live in to keep my 13 year old in the school of her choice. He has a brother and 2 sisters, but due to circumstances, my fiance is the most practical choice, as they both have a full house with their children/grandchildren living with him. The father is retired, the mother has never worked, and currently, the father pays utilities. The thing is, I prefer my space and I am afraid that if they move in, I will feel like a visitor in my own house. The parents will be there more than I am. I am afraid that my daughter will be uncomfortable as the marriage and move is going to be a big enough of an adjustment. The parents SEEM easy going, and I don't have any problems with them so far, but I haven't been around them very much either. I am afraid that I will resent the situation and that there will be tension once we are married, where we have had no tension thus far.
2007-10-26 07:24:02 · 33 answers · asked by lbar7442 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's better if you and your fiance get your own place rather than live with the in-laws. Newly married couples have the challenge of adjusting to each other and getting to know each other, it would be better if you would not add to that the challenge of getting along with the in-laws on a daily basis. Best thing to do is discuss it with your fiance, find out if he's open to having your own place. The two of you should decide on this together to make sure no resentment arises in the future.
2007-10-26 07:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by ruby_alabar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have pretty much answered your own question. he has never lived on his own. that means when there's ever an argument over something -- ANYTHING -- he will take mom's side, and she his. you will be like a female island alone in the middle of the sea. if you are an independent girl by nature -- don't marry him! It will be a mistake you will regret always, because men don't change, and can't BE changed once married. It's not like rubbing a genie lantern. he's a mama's boy, and you will lose out every time.
You will feel a loss of control, and maybe identity. And one tip about men: they behave the way they do while dating, because they haven't married yet, and see the need for extra effort -- romance, being respectful of your feelings, talking, going out places etc. But once he's married, things will change: they always do. His model for how married couples act together will come from how HIS parents interact with each other.
And no matter WHAT he says now, about selling the house etc., trust me -- he won't leave once you're married. My fiancee moved only a few miles away from Ma, and I was the outcast in every argument, no matter how small.
2007-10-26 07:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're considering allowing them to live with you, possibly consider a house with a guest house - you could even build one pretty inexpensively these days. You could possibly even turn the basement into an apartment for them.
I think it would be perfectly reasonable to tell them to treat your home as YOUR home. If they want to come over, they call first. That also means they're not to be the built-in babysitter.
You have to decide if you want your life to look like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, without the laughs.
If not, suggest they rent a place close by. An efficiency apartment can't be that expensive - they should be able to afford it on his retirement income. A little freedom would do everyone a little bit of good.
Go with your gut. You have to live with your decision, it's going to be so difficult to change your mind a few months after everyone's all settled in.
2007-10-26 08:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys are older and need your space and family time. You guys are going to be starting this life together and to add all these family members to the picture in one house might not be such a good thing. My father lived with my husband and I and it caused such a bad problem. My dads a great guy and so is my husband but there can only be one king in his castle. Think about this mom is she going to want to tell you how to keep your house and want to take over certain things and details that should be what you want. You really need to think about all this before making such a big decision. You have to think about if you can deal with so many people in your home and you having little control.
2007-10-26 07:41:36 · answer #4 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, well, i agree that this is not an ideal situation for newlyweds, but you can't just put his parents out on the street either. if there is no way for his parents to live on their own or to move in with the other kids, then you will have to deal with this. it'll be very difficult, but it can be done. tension? of course, but you and your fiance can sit down now and discuss what the rules will be when everyone moves in together. and you absolutely must make sure that your husband will be on your team and not theirs. that will cause extreme tension between the two of you.
in a perfect world, you and your husband would not have to deal with this. but this is not a perfect world. my sister-in-law moved in with me a month before my husband and i got married, and we all just moved into a house together. is this ideal? absolutely not. would i rather it just be my husband and me? of course. but, his sister needed stability that she wasn't getting and she needed support getting through school, so we stepped up. you have to accept responsibility in life, especially when it comes to family. you make sacrifices and you deal with it, even when the situation is not what you wanted or expected. you can get through this. and you should do it for your husband.
2007-10-26 07:38:50 · answer #5 · answered by hh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him sell them his house. Going into a marriage with a child from a previous relationship is going to be stressful to start with, (trust me) I am sure you both will work it out. You two will need some time to yourselves, with his parents there it is no way you will have the quality time you need. I say his family has a responsibility to help him as well. I especially think you need to talk to him about this as well and tell him how you really feel about the issue.
2007-10-26 07:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by stefanibrown74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would NOT live with my in-laws - or even with my own parents, for that matter. I come from a culture where this is an accepted way of life, but I've lived in the US way too long, and have absorbed the Western ideas of privacy and personal space. I love my in-laws, but living with them would be out of the question.
2007-10-26 07:33:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
even in-laws who get along should NOT live together. Trust me I learned the hard way and I adore my in-laws. For 1 it is true that 2 women CANNOT live together, because only one can be the queen of the home. I would suggest they move into an apartment complex close by so your fiance can still be in close proximity to them but DO NOT move in.
2007-10-26 07:34:00 · answer #8 · answered by Doh Doh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts. I would never put myself in this situation. I'm sure there are some times and some families where this could possibly work. But there are way more where it wouldn't. You don't need your in-laws telling you what type of marriage you should have, and they will. Start fresh. Get your own place. He needs to learn to be independent too. It will be good for him, and you both as a couple.
2007-10-26 07:30:54 · answer #9 · answered by trapeze 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My own opinion on this would be its not a good idea because you need time to be alone, and with this many people, its going to get somewhat crowded don't you think so? Its a hard way to start off a marriage when you are living with inlaws! I wish you luck on whatever you decide to do :)
2007-10-26 07:40:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋