What Should a Stay at Home Mom/Wife Be Doing?

Question

Ok, I am a stay at home mom. My Hubby works from 6am-2pm (First Shift). I get the kids ready for school, which anyone who has kids will know it can be a pain in the a--. When I get done doing that I come home, clean, do laundry, normal stuff. When the hubby gets home, he gets on the computer, then sits around all day either playing his guitar, or watching tv. When I ask him if he can do the simplest things, he gets upset saying that he worked all day, and he is tired. Ok, I understand that but don't I work all day also? His day ends when he gets home mine goes till I go to sleep. Am I doing something wrong by asking him to help out, am I not doing enough? What do you think? I am going crazy here.

I was working for about 5 years while he was in my position, he was the at home "dad". I would get home a lot and still have to pick up his end and mine. I am not working because my son is having a lot of problems in school and I need to be here for him. If it wasn't for that I would work.

Answer 1

The easiest way to solve this is to just STOP doing everything you're doing after he gets home from work.
If his day ends at 2, so does yours. Stop cleaning HIS laundry, don't cook dinner, let the house turn into a complete hole. He'll see that you do a whole lot. When he gets frustrated because his clothes are dirty or he's hungry, ask him what he plans to do about it.
Stand your ground. You're not his housekeeper.
I went out of town for a week on business and my bf was BEGGING me to come home early because he'd run out of clean clothes, the house was a mess and he didn't realize all that stuff took so much time and effort.
If he's too tired during the week to help out, maybe he needs to start spending the weekend mornings doing chores. Be willing to compromise, it'll work in your favor. Would you be happy with the weekends off? He gets to take care of the kids, house, etc - for 2 days a week. Sounds fair to me!

Answer 2

Why don't you relax and hang out with hubby when he comes home? I try to get all of my work done so that we both have free time in the afternoon or evening. I get the kids off to school, clean, do laundry, work in the yard, pop dinner in the oven and by the time he gets home we can relax unless there's something going on that night. We both run the kids to activities and we both check homework. We have a nighttime routine that the kids know and can basically accomplish themselves. We both kind of work around what's going on that day. You might be having trouble relaxing (I can be like that). Jut learn how to relax like he does and work together. If you've done all of the housework what exactly do you want him to do? My husband does a limited amount of things around the house. Mostly garbage night and fixing things. He pitches in if I need a hand but I see the house as my job. If he's not working he helps out in the kitchen at dinner time. Figure out exactly what it is you want from him and then ask.

PS. When I first stopped working and he wasn't pitching in with the kids that much, I left on a long weekend with some girlfriends. When I got home he was begging me never to leave him alone with the kids that long again! (Haha) After that he really appreciates what my day is like with kids all day....might give that a try.....;)

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you are married to an overage adolescent.
You do all the things his mother probably did and he never thinks about them.
Maybe you should get a job ...say from 2 PM until 7 PM.
Then he can look after his children while you work.
Or he could do the laundry and grocery shopping and help the children with their homework.
Unless he understands that any marriage is teamwork you won't get anywhere.
Unless you stand up for yourself you won't get anywhere.
A stay at home mom's job is not exactly easy. That you don't get paid is why society says "you're not working."
And your husband will never grow up if you enable him in his adolescent behavior.
Also, what are your children learning about women
from your acceptance of this situation? Whatever it is, it isn't good.
Is there any counseling help in your area? If yes, seek out some professional advice. Your life is valuable. And your husband doesn't seem to recognize that you also have needs, wants, desires, etc.
If you can afford it, why not go back to school and learn something you can get paid well for? Become a tax accountant. A teacher. A lawyer. Anything is possible.
One good sign: At least he is not drinking and doping.
Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Make up a chart with all of the things you do each day (a calendar sort of chart) that shows hour by hour what you typically do. Share this with your husband and point out what you've said about your job being 24/7 and his ending when he gets home. Another thing you can do, is research jobs in your area that match what you do (nanny, housekeeper, etc) and maybe try breaking it down that way so that he can see that you do work ALL day, whereas he works 8 hours. Just because you don't get a paycheck, doesn't mean you aren't working! Also, you need to understand that if you got a job his behavior may or may not change; this is something he expects you to do. You guys need a serious talk, maybe even counseling to get yourselves on the same page.

Answer 5

OMG u just explained my life to a T... The only thing I ask for my hubby to do is take the garbage out and omg u'd think I asked him to make a 6 course meal...then of course he'll tell me ok in a minute and go figure he then 4gets I asked him to do it. What I believe it is , is that they really don't know the extent of what we do in a day cuz their not here to see it...just as we don't actually know how hard they worked...so regardless it will always be an endless battle for yrs to come!

so w/ that NO ur not going crazy

I do work by my choice to collect sanity, its like 6-8 hrs a week but still I get out and do my thing! I work at night while the kids are asleep...

Answer 6

That is the exact reason I've decided to get a job myself. I had always worked until very recently, when I decided to be a stay at home mom. Well he still expects me to pay for half of all the bills, plus stay at home. Basically I'm paying to cook and clean around here. So, I've decided to go back to work and make a crapload of money again, whats the point of sitting around cleaning after the pigs in this house while i'm paying half of the bills.

Answer 7

I had the same problem everyday of my life but what I started doing was if he refused to help out with the simplest things then i refused to do things for him such as pick up after him and his laundry ect.. when he realized this we came to compromise i do realize he gets up alot earlier then me at 5am and since your children go to school you have a little bit of down time during the day i would imagine..anyway he has Saturdays and Sundays off so on Saturdays i get up with the kids and let him sleep in and lounge around and on Sundays he does the same for me but as for housework i give up hes useless in that aspect lol he can never get it right anyway lol

Answer 8

well you just explained my life also. i am a stay at home mom of 2. and my husband works from 8-7:30-8 or later. UPS driver. he never comes in am complains about the house or clothes but he just comes in and does NOTHING!!!! he don't help with the kids or anything. i ask him to take out trash and OMG he just can't do that. i feel your pain. i am with you. yes i understand that he works all day and so do I!!!! my job never clocks out!!! so i think your doing your part and your not doing something wrong. just keep your head in there for the kids. he is a jerk (just like mine) and they both need to get a grip!!!! good luck to ya!!!!

Answer 9

How about you 2 roll witch. On the weekend You have him get up with the kids and do all things you would normally in aday. You leave the house for 8 hrs. Then when you come home act the same way he would when he comes home from work.Trust me if he is sincere he will help you out alot more good luck

Answer 10

Ask him to pay you a salary from 2pm till you go to bed.
You know they calculated how much a stay at home mom should make, by listing all her tasks they what it would cost to have someone else do them. The salary was like $156,000 a year. How about those #s. Someone pay me even a third of that, it'd be more than I make a year outside of the home.