Cancer: Why keep fighting for my life?

Question

My friend has terminal renal cancer and he's tired of fighting for his life. He is emotionally and physically exhausted...and he says he is ready to die. He recently posted a question which I could not answer... I'm hoping someone else can... He wants an answer about why he should keep fighting....what is the "benefit of going through hell to stay here a few extra months and it is intelligent and based on fact, history, statistics or science not fear and emotion."

Answer 1

you have to look at his from his point of view. quality of life versus quantity. sure there are some people out there that just don't want to die. my mother was one of them. she suffered through chemo and medications that made her sick because, even after knowing she wasn't going to make it, she didn't want to die. my grandfather has alzheimers and can't stand the way he is living. we've all prepared ourselves for the day when he will take his own life. then there are those family members who just don't want to lose that person and want to keep them alive by saying, no you're going to be okay, we need you, etc. that is selfish and causes the sick person more pain. whatever decision he makes, you need to support him. help him live his life to the fullest while you still can. if he knows he isn't going to survive, help him deal as he needs to.

Answer 2

He has to live. It's obvious it's not over yet, he's not dead. I understand he must be so tired of his poor life and everything, but I know that, if I was sick I definitely wouldn't spend last few months of my life moaning over my current situation. I would do everything that I can to make my life matter, to change or impact someone's life about how my willpower can defeat everything, even cancer. Cancer is not a reason to give up. He is going to die, just like everyone else, except that he know how much he has left to live, not exactly, but he knows he has a few months.
I wish I knew how much am I gonna live, he just has an advance. I believe there's nothing after life, there is no hell or heaven, there is just this and he should use it the best way he can. Honestly, if he decides to die, I would consider him one very, very weak person. There is no dignity in death or something like that, he is not going to be a her if he dies. A true hero fights for his life and he should be a hero, at least for these few months. Tell him that he cannot give up.

I know I would use all the time I have to see all the things, all the beauties I didn't see and he should do that, too, because life is not just the pain that he feels, there is so much out there that is beautiful and worth seeing.

Answer 3

There are good and bad reasons to not give up the ghost. Too many people are really just filling up all of the minutes between birth and death, and it doesn't matter that much if there are a few fewer minutes to fill. For others, they have goals and purposes and needs, and getting them even a little bit further is worth some suffering.

You can convince yourself that you're waiting for a miracle cure to happen. It's possible, it does happen, it's just not common. If you die, however, then there is definitely no cure comming down the pipe.

Are you sticking around because loved ones want you here? This is sometimes a good answer, but you have to balance that against the question of why loved ones want you to continue to suffer.

Is there something that you haven't seen, haven't done? If so, go do it, and then revisit the question.

Is there something that you haven't accomplished? This is tougher. It may be that every incremental step in that direction is beneficial, it may be that dying in the middle leaves it to be just a bunch of unconnected parts. Are you doing this for yourself or for others? Will anyone even notice?

There are other reasons to stick around. Mostly, though, it's very difficult for people to get over their base survival instinct and religious convictions. If the pain is so bad that these considerations aren't enough, then you're going to have to do some serious consideration. I can only send my sympathies.

Answer 4

A person's attitude about quality of life is important and should be honored as the only choice.

Depression and resignation are part of the five-step grief process, perhaps to prepare the person for what they view as the end road --- death. Also, anger, compromise and denial.

If he wants more time or just to let nature take its course, honor that choice. It is HIS life and NO one should tell him how to live that life, as short or long as it is.

Instead be there to listen and if he asks your opinion, talk about the wonder times you have had together, how you will remember him, and how you will miss him; putting the same value and emphasis on all those areas.

Had a friend who spent years and years fighting his cancer as it spread and spread, trying even experimental treatments, as based on his religious beliefs and his family, he wanted to survive. He never gave up, never. And all of us supported his decisions.

It is hard to know someone is dying but as my doctor said years ago when I was undergoing surgery that could discover cancer, "The moment you were conceived, a time clock started toward death. You cannot make the clock last longer but you can shorter how long that clock lasts."

Good luck!

Answer 5

A few months is all he has left of life. To go through the pain, he would have to see a larger purpose. He could take that time to spend a couple hours with each person who he has had a relationship with and say everything that needs to be said. He could record his life story and his philosophy for those left behind to cherish. He might further research by inviting interns to ask their questions about what he is feeling.
He could stay awhile longer out of love for those who must say goodbye, until they are ready to let him go.
He could prepare himself to face whatever he believes is his next role. If he doesn't believe in God, he could speak with those who do out of curiosity and to gain insight. If he does believe, he could pray for everyone.
When he has done all he cares to do, he can be patient.
I am so sorry for him and for you. To live without hope and in pain is a great challenge. I don't know if I can do any more than trust that you and he will be able to overcome this.
C. :)!!

Answer 6

The question I would ask is "Are you prepared to die?" I am a Christian and a cancer survivor myself. As a Christian, I know that it is better to be "absent from the body, but present with the Lord", meaning that I know that if I were to die, I would go to heaven to be with my Lord Jesus. If your friend knows Jesus as his Savior, he should have that same hope and expectation. If not, I would encourage him to find someone to help him understand how to know Jesus. Perhaps his life has been spared as long as it has so he can have time to prepare for death. After all, eternity is such a long time, compared to the few years we are given on this earth.

I want you to know that I am writing this in all sincerity, not trying to be smug or self-righteous, and certainly not trying to further my religious agenda. I really believe that there is a God, and He wants us to know Him personally, and I believe the promises that the Bible offers, of forgiveness and eternal life. God often provides the only hope possible in seemingly hopeless situations such as your friend's.

I hope and pray that this answer will be a help to you, and I pray for your friend as well.

Answer 7

I believe this is one of the most honest questions I have ever heard in my entire life. It is a very difficult question because it comes down to the heart of something with which the entire medical profession (along with the entire political/judicial system) cannot come to terms. And, I have often heard it labeled as Quality vs. Quantity. I agree that those who are fearful of dying do not see that their argument falls on the side of Quantity of life only. They are so scared of dying that all rationale is about staying alive and Quality becomes a lengthy second. However, merely seeking Quantity in no way offers an argument about Quality. Quality of life is important to some, even above the argument of Quality of life. And though Quantity of life can be measured and equated by many people, there is only one person who can ultimately judge the Quality of life... YOU. I am a believer that there a much worse things in life than death... suffering and torture. I do believe that life is precious and should be fought for, however I am weeping now at your friend's plight (as will continue to be the eventual destiny of us all) and I say that your friend should look deep within himself and come to terms with measuring the Quantity of life with the Quality of life for himself. And he should be open to the idea of respecting Quality now versus Quantity later with more or less suffering. We all should do this. Only then will we have peace in the rest of this life and beyond.
My heart goes out to him.. and you his friend.

Answer 8

That is a very hard question. It seems to me that I am surrounded by people who have cancer. My great uncle and aunt my other great uncle, my aunt, 3 people I went to church with. All of them are dead except my great aunt and one of the people at my church.

When they were suffering they always held on for the sake of those around them. I know that might sound selfish to some people. Look at kids when they have cancer. They usually mask their pain for their family

I am sorry about you friend and I hope I helped. If you ever need anyone to talk to email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

i know its hard to grasp but if he says he is ready to die and wants to die, then he should be able to...
i guess the only benefit would be to either relieve those around you so they can be with you longer or just because you havent dont some of the things that you have wanted to do in life....
hope i helped<3

Answer 10

If I had cancer I would refuse treatment and just hope to die as soon as possible. Cancer is like a "Golden ticket" or "fast pass" to heaven, if you are a Christian that is. I wouldn't mind if i got cancer, it would save me from this miserable world.