5 months ago I found out that my husband for 18 years has had an affair, He said it's over and he wants to be with me. can i trust him again.
2007-10-26 05:16:57 · 19 answers · asked by unsure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you may be able to forgive but you will never forget. you might eventually be able to trust him (to an extent) but it will always be there -there will always be a little question mark in the back of your head
2007-10-26 05:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by beast 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust takes time to rebuild. Five months is not long enough. It will take time and he will have to earn back that trust he destroyed. Gradually, if he is doing the right things, you will slowly trust him again.
He needs to be very honest and be open with his life, his schedule, his communications. He can let you see that he is doing the right thing.
Look for a counselor who is certified in couples/marriage counseling. It will be helpful to have a third party to get some of the problems out with.
A good book about affair recovery:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
A good support group of helpful people who have been through this also:
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
An ebook that is written for the former wayward spouse, to help them understand what the betrayed spouse is going through and what they can do to help heal the marriage:
http://aftertheaffair.net/
A yahoo group site that has many helpful articles and links. Simple to join, look under FILES:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
2007-10-26 10:42:18 · answer #2 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on how remorseful and sorry he is. Then comes the hard part on getting down to the reason as to why he cheated and what he has learned in what makes him think he will never cheat on you again? He has to be accountable for his actions and understand what this has done to you emotionally and how it severed your trust in how you look at him now. He needs to give you precaution measures in never acting out unfaithfully in your relationship ever again. He needs to realize that he will not have the same freedoms as before the betrayal of the affair. Also you both will need guidance through marriage counseling to both know where to go with things on an emotional level to know if you can learn how to live with it? You will never feel 100% trust in him again but the trust you manage to find in him will be on how he treats you through this hurt and pain and being right to you form here on out. He needs to know from you that if he ever cheats again there will be NO second chances.
2007-10-26 05:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That depends on you, and that also depends on the husband. Do you believe him, have you guys resolved the whys and also put a plan in place so that this never happens again? and have you decided what will the consequences be if it does? I think the best way to trust is to live in truth, own the hurt and humilation that you feel over this situation and decide in this moment
what your values are and live your life by them. If your values say that cheating is wrong, its unacceptable and deserve better, articulate this to your husband, and live your life by your values, bc remember values are not what you say its how you live.When you live in the truth that no matter what happens, you know what the results will be, there is no fear. Bc you faced it head on. You won't feel the anxiety that a person who doesn't know what they will do if it happens again will face. Bc you already know your values and thats how you live your life!! Go with the your personal truth each time and nothing else can stand in your way.
Good Luck
2007-10-26 05:42:25 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you could come to trust that he regrets his mistake and would never want to lose you. But now you know that his character has allowed him to have an affair. And that is something that you may not have realized when you married him. The fact that you did not realize that may not be practical, but its definately an emotional adjustment that you would have to make.
I think our society sets people up for heartache in a manner that isn't the case some some other societies. We have a standard of character and behavior that a lot of people fail to live up to, but our society seems to want to pretend that the vast majority of people do. Everyone starts out with the assumption that they have this increadibly mature and wise character that can somehow overcome disappointment and temptation, desperation, and other feelings that come to us in varying amounts, depending on many factors.
To think that somehow you have seen deep into another persons soul and found something that will never change and never let you down, seems a bit of a stretch. But its sold as the standard package to everyone who professes love and marries when they are in their late teens or early 20s.
I think you can end up throwing out something good in some cases, or saving your self respect in others. It just matters how he responds and how you feel
2007-10-26 05:26:41 · answer #5 · answered by John M 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can try by mending the situation between you both that is you have decide to consider working things out with him....Theres always going to be doubts even while working on the trust but, try to take it one day at a time...Be patient and allow yourself to be open about your feelings...Don't hide them because that will only stress you out even more...Pray on the situation on hand that god leads you and gives you the strength to get through each day...It will be hard but, if you love one another then rely on that to help get you there....I truly wish you all the best....You will be OKAY...
2007-10-26 05:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was this his first? It will be hard to gain the trust once it's broken. If he's worth keeping still then you may want to work on trusting him again but you must heal from this first.
2007-10-26 05:25:07 · answer #7 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been struggling with the same issue. It's been a year since I found out and I still can not get past it. I'm not saying your gonna wrestle with it like I am. But, I'm not getting over it. The emotions I went threw are still as raw as the day I found out. My email is open if you ever wanna talk.
2007-10-26 06:00:23 · answer #8 · answered by be happier own a pitbull 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is possible if he is willing to work on the restoration of the marriage. when he cheated on u he took something away. trust is something he is going to have to earn. u will be able to tell if he is sincere by his behavior and attitude towards u.
2007-10-26 14:42:29 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its up to you if you can trust him again...but like all of us, you probably wont, you will ALWAYS have that in the back of your mind...so can you trust him again, sure...but will you trust him again, no.
2007-10-26 05:23:53 · answer #10 · answered by Raz9Caz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋