My wfe and I have been having problems for 1.5 years. We are legally seperated but are still living together for financial reasons. She wants us to work things out and get back together. We have an 11 month old daughter. I don't like the thought of my daughter not having a real family. I don't think I love my wife anymore and I am not happy in my marriage. We haven't had sex since June and I am not really interested in her that way anymore. I am so confused about what to do. Should I just get out of this marriage even though it will hurt my daughter? Don't I have the right to be happy? I am just curious about what people think.
2007-10-26 04:44:37 · 83 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We went to 4 sessions of marriage counseling. This has not helped.
2007-10-26 04:53:45 · update #1
Well if you leave her it doesnt mean your daughter will suffer. It just means she'll have to deal with having two homes! but i think its best if you walk away now than later. if you do it now, she's still a baby, it wont be as hard as if she's older and she understands, kids have a hard time when their parents divorce. I think you SHOULD walk away, your happiness is really important!! the baby's too but like i said it doesnt mean she'll live an unhappy life. So if you want to do this, do it NOW... don't wait until your daughter realizes what's going on. She's still a baby, she doesn't know right now, that way she'll grow up used to her parents not being together. Also, YOU need to be happy in order to be a good father. I really admire you though, not many men sacrifice themselves for their kids. but you need to think about yourself so you can be happy and be capable of taking care of her. It's hard but if you're happy its much easier for you to make HER happy. Also, think about it. Make sure you dont love her anymore(your wife), what if you take some time to yourself maybe you'll miss her, i mean, that's a big step so think about it really good, if you are sure you dont then walk away, and be happy, you deserve it!!! good luck!!!
2007-10-26 04:58:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Yes i would say you have the right to be happy but so does your wife and daughter... In the last year and half have you put an effort into the marriage.. I do believe people fall out of love but i also know for a fact that marriages get in a rut so to speak especially after having a child... Think long and hard before you give up the only family you have... She may not be there later just waiting for you to figure out whats wrong... maybe try seeing therapist together... most important let your wife know what your feeling talk with her. maybe the decision will come to the both of you... and the sex thing well a real marriage doesn't require the sex just the love.....All in all i'd say you have some soul searching to do and good luck!!!!
2007-10-26 04:52:50 · answer #2 · answered by KING AND ME 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well if you do not love your wife and are not happy in your marriage you should get a divorce you said you have tried the 4 sessions and has not helped. If you stay in a loveless marriage that is so much worse and it gonna hurt your daughter more in the long run. I think she would rather see two happy parents apart then her parents together and not happy at all. If I were you I would leave because it would be a lot better for you then anything else. Good luck!!!
2007-10-28 12:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been married to your wife started having problems 1.5 years ago you are legally separated from her and still live together for financial reasons. She wants the both of you to try and work things out correct. you have a child together the thought of you not being there for your daughter is getting to you is that right. But you don't love your wife anymore or your not in love with her. Sex is not all there is to marriage communication plays a big part in marriage also and the two of you have got to be in agreement. when you took your vowels you should have became as one now the both of you are separate. First of all it is your choice to stay married if it will make you and your family happy. You have the right also to be happy in your marriage as well don't try to hold this marriage together because of the child do it because you love your wife and she loves you. Dont worry so much about what peole think.
This is your choice not mines.
good luck
2007-10-26 11:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely have a right to be happy, but is there no way to find happiness with your wife as you once had? I dont know what the problem is with your marriage that has you at this stage , but I just always think that most everything can be worked out. Our society is so quick to throw in the towel nowadays. We always want the easy way out. Nobody wants to fight anymore. Can you remember when there was a time in your relationship when you couldnt imagine being without your wife? Think about what made you feel that way about her . Im sorry to tell you all of this if you've done all of this already. I just hate to see a marriage end. Anything short of abuse (of any kind) can be worked out. You have a baby that needs both of her parents. So many people think I'll always be there for the child, but your not sharing dinners everyday, your not checking homework, daily. Your daughter wont have the priveledge of seeing interaction between Mom and Dad. I wish that people would have the commitment to a marriage that people once had. Staying for the child is not that healthy, and that's not what Im saying. I just think that you made a family and a commitment you should give it all you have to make it work. Every one's relationship has challenges and again I dont know what your challenges are but I just think that you should honor your comittment . Now if things arent able to be worked out and that's not an option by all means get out of it while the baby is young. I think that its better that way , because your baby wont be used to you all being a family that lives under one roof and it wont hurt in that way later. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
2007-10-26 05:01:17 · answer #5 · answered by that hot chick 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps you should look within yourself and what you have done to dampen the relationship. I do not like it when people say they have fallen out of love. If you were ever truly in love, that would not have changed. The problem is that too many people attach emotions to love. That does not work as one cannot sustain a constant state of emotion therefore may not have the same emotional feelings for their significant other all of the time. The word love originates from the Greeks and was not attached to an emotion but rather symbolized a triangular bond. At each corner of the triangle were Love, Unity, and God. Therefore if one was truly in LOVE they are unified through God, whatever God they may believe in. Therefore Love actually identifies a unified commitment to another person.
There are many things that can change how we emotionally feel towards another person. What I would recommend, is look at what brought the two of you together in the first place. Find those things that attracted you (not just physical but emotional as well). Look for the good that you once saw. Keep in mind that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Finally, stop looking at all of her faults and judging her based upon those things. I am sure that you would not want someone looking at your faults and judging you that way.
Before making a rash decision that will undoubtedly affect your daughter for the rest of her life, seek some counseling, check yourself, and try to make it work. You owe your daughter at least that much. If in time you find that there is no mending your relationship (after honest effort), do what you feel you think you need to do.
2007-10-26 05:03:36 · answer #6 · answered by Joe W 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am really sorry you are going through this. Are you really sure you don't love her anymore or is it cos since she has had your daughter things just aren't the same anymore. Please get help Councelling/Relate, where you can discuss your problems and feelings out in the open with someone mediating. You didn't say how long you have been together, what has happened in the last 18 months to make you feel like this. You obviously loved her enough to get married, what's changed your feelings now. You say you had sex in June, who instigated it. If you really don't like someone and are very unhappy, I am sorry, then no amount of tantalising would make you have an erection. You must still have feelings for her. Talk it over and I hope you come to the right decision. All the best and Good Luck
2007-10-26 04:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by susie h 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do have the right to be happy? Sure. But not at the expense of your daughter. Divorce affects children FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. (I didn't mean to yell, there's just no other way to emphasize words here). Girls who grow up without a father in the house tend to become more promiscuous, because they are always looking for a father figure. You and your wife owe it to your child to do everything possible to save your marriage,and family. I would strongly recommend getting the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage", by Dr. Laura Schlesinger. You and your wife should both read it. You could also benefit from some counseling. What ever you do, don't tell your wife you don't love her any more. Feelings come and go, and you may not feel that loving toward her right now, but that can change. One of Dr. Laura's tips is to ACT like you love her. Keep acting that way, and the feelings will likely follow. I know it sounds corny, but it really works. Good luck!
2007-10-26 05:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have every right to be happy and so does your wife. It's not a good idea to stay in an unhappy marriage, ever. Your daughter will sense that you two are unhappy and that will make her unhappy. Would you want your daughter to stay in a relationship/marriage where she was unhappy? No, i'm sure you wouldn't so why make her grow up in one. She is only 11 months old, she hardly knows what's going on and it's alot better doing this now then when she is 5 years old or better yet old enough to know exactly what's going on. I suggest you calmly talk to your wife and tell her everything you told us here and explain to her that you think it would be better if you both just went your seperate ways, avoid court if you can, both you and your wife come to a decision of who has the baby when and what days and please try not to fight over the baby. Try to make is a easy and painless as possible. You can try and remain friends with your wife for the sake of your kid because you two are always going to have to see eachother and it would be better for your daughter if you two didn't fight whenever you see eachother.
hop i helped!
2007-10-26 05:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you should see a counsellor to understand where you're coming from. I agree that you have a right to be happy but you also have a responsibility to your wife and daughter. Make sure you've covered all your bases before getting divorced. Marriage is hard work sometimes. So give it your absolute best. When you've done that you'll have your answer.
Don't just tell her you don't love her unless you really want a divorce now. Your decisions will affect more lives than just yours.
2007-10-26 04:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by mlemt76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have the right to be happy. Everyone does and if they are with someone who honestly is not making them happy there needs to be some kind of change. Long story short, I was in the same situation with my X wife. She made me miserable and depressed because nothing was ever enough and I wasn't making enough money at my job (like I had some magical control over that!) while going to school full time to make a better life in the long run.
We had a daughter also who was 2 at the time we split up. I'm a much happier person and feel a lot better about myself because I don't have her bringing me down adn I have a very supporting and loving wife now.
This didn't seem to effect my daughter very much. She's the happiest lttle kid (now 7) loves me, her mother and even my wife.
Whatever you do, DO NOT neglect your child in anyway, always be the good father. It doesn't sound like you'll have a problem doing that, right?
2007-10-26 04:54:58 · answer #11 · answered by Sean C 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋