I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He recently bought a ring for me and plans to ask me to marry him TOMORROW. We have been having some problems lately, specifically involving his jealousy issues. I'm definately not perfect, but he really scared me last night. One of my good friends expressed an interest in me a while back, but said he respected that I was with someone and just wanted me to be happy. My boyfriend told me last night after making love that we hated my friend and dreamed about violently murdering him while making meI watch. He said he woke up aroused afterwards. I was really freaked out and he passed it off as "just kidding". Is that funny? Should I start running? He doesn't know what my friend looks like thank god.
2007-10-26 03:23:29 · 31 answers · asked by SweetChild a la Ingenue 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you so much everybody. I was really sheltered and even the idea that someone would think that up was crazy to me. Thanks to all!!!
2007-10-26 03:57:11 · update #1
Even if your boyfriend was 'just kidding,' the fact that he said something like that is alarming.
It's one thing to feel a little jealous once in a while, its quite another to dream or talk about violently eliminating your competition. If that wasn't bad enough, he was aroused by the idea!
The warning signs are there girl, you'd be wise to heed them.
2007-10-26 03:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you need to lose this guy fast! anyone that jealous is a time bomb waiting to go off and the fact that you have been having problems lately is all the more reason to either say no or make it a very long engagement. the good friend sounds like he may be worth looking at since you have to be friends before you can be more and the fact that he wants you to be happy is a good sign as well. The soon to be - or not -fiancee sounds like a very controlling person and that is never a way to live.
2007-10-26 03:37:20 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you mental? Smile and nod and back away slowly, make no eye contact. There is something quite sick bubbling away there and if you do want to end up in a controlling and abusive relationship, now is your time to move on. Don't get all soppy and say "yes" just becuase he produces a ring, don't let him guilt you into feeling sorry cause "he bought a ring" blah blah blarrr, he can return it, it's his problem not yours. If you say yes to the ring, he is going to start to be even more controlling and steer you right into his hellish idea of a relationship.
2007-10-26 03:34:18 · answer #3 · answered by Diamond Dogs 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is NOT normal. Pathological jealosy and violent fantasies are creepy and a recipe for disaster.
If I was you, I would say no and break it off. You don't know what you are getting yourself into. He seems controlling and the proposal is a way to control you and mark his territory. Soon he will alienate you from your friends and family and you will be too scared to talk to anyone, go to work and live a normal life. Be aware.
BTW, that wasn't a dream, it was a warning.
Good luck
2007-10-26 03:28:09 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
There is a possibility that your boyfriend is a control freak. After marriage he might show his real colours because he will feel now that he owns you as his property. You should postpone the wedding and find out more about your boyfriend and his past, who knows it might surprise you to the point where you have to decide if you would want to marry him at all.
2007-10-26 03:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ummmm yeah.. I would say "PSYCHO" lol You need to express your feelings to him... Never be afraid to say what you feel and just let him know that you love him yes, but his jealousy problem turns you off and makes you less intersted in him... Let him know that it will be a problem as far as is you want to be with him for the rest of your life! Tell him that you are a great person and that you deserve to be happy as well...But only if he decides to change his jealousy ways..And that you will not stand for it and the problems that it is going to cause... Good Luck ! :)
2007-10-26 03:33:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are obviously way too young to get married, because this seems to be so immature.
STOP RIGHT THERE! Unless you are together 3-5 years, you know eachother inside and out, mentally, emotionally and physically, you are ages late 20's, early 30's, you are so in love with eachother that you could never be apart, you do anything to make eachother happy and you are definitely ready to commit to share your lives together till death do you part, THEN DON'T EVEN SAY THE WORD MARRIAGE!
Before you make a major mistake and get married, then get pregnant and then become a single mother, just enjoy life dating different men. That's when Mr. Right comes along and believe me, he is worth the wait. Good Luck
2007-10-26 03:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
A mans jealously can get really bad especially when you are married. You DONT want a guy like that as your husband. DONT get into a marriage you WILL uncomfortable in. After a while it will get real UGLY. He may try to sweet talk you into believing him that he was kidding but DONT MARRY THIS DUDE.
2007-10-26 03:33:15 · answer #8 · answered by SandraD 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are uncomfortable with the relationship as it stands now, and your boyfriend's behaviors, remember it's not going to improve over time.
Do what is best for YOU. If you feel marriage won't work, then don't get married to the guy. Why put yourself through misery?
2007-10-26 03:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run away. This guy is a train wreck waiting to happen. He's jealous and insecure and it doesn't sound like you're all that sure he's the man for you. Think about it marrying this guy before you commit your life to him. Good luck.
2007-10-26 03:29:14 · answer #10 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋