After our ultra sound I could tell he was really disappointed not to be having a boy but he was just acting really ridiculous about it. He even went to the extent as to saying he felt sick to his stomach that we are having another girl. All he could talk about was how that was two weddings we were gonn ahave to pay for.. seriously, who thinks of that? Plus Its not my fault he made himself believe we were havign a boy.(not to mention hes the only one who can give the Y chromosomes) anyway i got really upset and started crying after he made his rude comments... should I have just disregarded them? I mean really those kinds of comments are better left unsaid, especially to a pregnant woman. I understand that he was disappointed but now I feel as though he is not excited about this baby because its another girl, and not the boy he really wanted.
Im personally just happy that the doc said the baby looks healthy. (21 wks along)
(we have a 2 year old daughter)
2007-10-26 03:07:54 · 30 answers · asked by lindsrobpark 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I doubt he's really concerned about paying for two weddings. It's probably more about wanting a son to share "guy" things with. And your two-year-old daughter is too young for him to realize how many "guy" things he actually can share with her. Plus there's also the issue of having a son to "carry on the family name."
In all likelihood, he'll come around. If it doesn't happen soon, perhaps you could find one of his peers who's a good father to a little girl who could talk to him about the joys of having an older daughter and the special bonds that exist between daddies and their little girls.
Good luck.
2007-10-26 03:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by ferrgus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat as you are now! except we already had 2 girls when the doc said Looks like it might be another girl. I could see the disappointment in his face and its very upsetting but in my case my husband knew better than to say anything rude or mean about having another girl. then at 26 weeks ( i as bleeding and they done a sonogram just to be safe) they said the baby was a boy and now i have had about 4 more sonograms since that they keep saying boy, girl, unsure and the cord was between the baby's legs. Now i am 33 1/2 weeks pregnant and we still aren't sure of the baby's sex but hubby is happy now because our oldest has turned out to be the biggest TOMBOY ever. LOL but you shouldn't disregard his comments tell him how you feel and that he's being an *** and should stop. It causes you too much stress which isn't good for you or the baby!
2007-10-26 10:26:18 · answer #2 · answered by dixiedarlin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read your question the first time and thought of it on the very unfortunate "surface" level. His unjustified, shallow, and selfish reaction; and, your very understandable heart ache as a result of his reaction. It tugged at my heart strings.
I read your question the second time, and read between the lines. I don't disagree with the other people who answered your question. Their anger and disgust are a normal reaction.
But, they do you no good. You need some professional advice over a period of time. Your husband has some serious emotional issues regarding, not just the value of women, but about the value of life.
This isn't about fault. It is about love.
It is about his love (and respect) for you, for your children, and yes, for himself.
Does he think that he was going to live his life through a son?
It doesn't work. It only builds resentment.
Does he think little girls don't do things other than dolls, like baseball or even hockey.
The BIGGEST QUESTION is WHY can't he accept and be completely JOYFUL in fathering another baby girl?
Is it cultural? Have you read "A Thousand Splendid Suns?" It's basically a novel about the lives and relative "value" placed on females in traditional Afghan society.
I could go on, but the bottom line is that you and your daughters do not now, or ever, deserve this type of "emotional" abuse. And don't think it will just get better on its own. He needs help.
For now, you must be happy with the life God has placed in you. Love her even though you don't know her yet. Love your two year old. And, if you can, love your husband enough to get him, not you, to seek out a (male) therapist to talk to.
Good luck.
2007-10-26 11:11:41 · answer #3 · answered by Ernie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in exactly the same boat as you....
I am 18 weeks now, and won't go for my "gender" ultrasound for another 4 weeks.
My husband was slightly upset when we had a girl last time....she is almost 2 now.
My stress level is increasing, knowing that my husband will probably be devastated if we have another girl.
I personally would be ecstatic if we have another girl. A boy would be great too.
Do you somehow feel like you are to blame? You are very right in saying that the FATHER is responsible for creating a boy child.
My husband's problem is that he thinks that mom and daughter pal up together, and he has nobody to hang around with! How ridiculous.
He'll get over it.
As far as paying for a wedding, nobody HAS to fork out $thousands for any wedding. I won't fall into that trap.
2007-10-26 10:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by gg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awwww. I feel bad for both of u. I found out that I am having a boy and honestly, I was deeply disappointed because I wanted a girl so badly. That is not to say that I will love my son any less and that I am not thankful he is happy, I just had my heart set on a littel girl.
Your husband was wrong to be so mean. We all deal with disappointment and let down differntly. You should tell him that you really were disappointed by his reaction and that you understand but that you would appreciate him keeping those rude comments to himself.
Good luck......
2007-10-26 10:54:10 · answer #5 · answered by cwrayvoa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! on that healthy baby girl. Now on to the issues with your husband. I think that was incredibly insensitive of him to make those remarks (and to your face). I'm sure it must have hurt to hear him say those things, and i don't think you should ignore them. You both need to talk about his feelings on this pregnancy. Was he happy about it before you found out what it is? I'm very sorry for you and what you are going through right now, but try and be optimistic about how things will work out for you and your family. I'm sure given time he will realize that what he said was wrong and actually apologize for saying those things. Drawing from personal experience: I know 3 sets of families that went through the same thing. All girls and husband would have liked at least one boy. For two of them, they were fine with it (in time) because they know that you can't predict what you will have. In the other, it didn't work out. Not that you would want to hear this right now, but the husband was such an A****** about things he divorced his wife. In all cases , though, the children are very much LOVED by both parents. Good luck to you with this and with your pregnancy.
2007-10-26 10:32:34 · answer #6 · answered by rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... he made her (considering it's his chromosome that determined it!) If I were you I would have said that back to him when he went on and on about it. He has no right to make you feel bad about it or to act silly over it. Daughters are such a joy. He should feel really excited that the baby is just healthy. I'm going to be having my second and if it's a girl I'll be happy. It will be my DBF's first girl. He has two grown sons. If I have a boy, great. It will be my first boy. So to me it wouldnt matter. To your DH though he's being foolish!
2007-10-26 10:29:08 · answer #7 · answered by sweetypie9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband wanted a boy really bad as well. We found out on Monday that there is a 90% chance that we are having a girl. This is our 1st child. My husband is already planning our 2nd pregnancy in hopes of a boy. He also is holding on to that 10% chance that she is a boy. He has not been too bad with his comments to me but I hear him on the phone with his buddies and he talks crap about her being a girl and how the tech is wrong it is a boy. One of his friends told him his sperm has lace on it. I don't let any of this bother me. I know my husband will love his little girl!!! He has said several times that he is just happy she is healthy. Congrats and good luck!!!
2007-10-26 10:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by kristifinch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most guys always dream of having a little boy of their own. Some to teach how to play baseball, football, work on cars. Just another male in the home. Relax. He will come around. He said some mean things he shouldn't of said but you dont need to get your self all up set. I am sure he will love this baby just as much as he loves your 2 year old.
2007-10-26 10:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by someone in Nebraska 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is only normal for a person to wish for a son AND a daughter - no matter which part of the world he/she is from. But, there is a big difference between wishing for something and actually getting it. We men can be immature sometimes (!), but we do realize our stupidity finally. So, just give your husband some time and I am sure he will overcome his disappointment.
One more thing... maybe he thinks: "two girls means two similar girls, and that is so boring". Well, just tell him that I have twin sons (but no daughters) and they are as different as apples and french fries.
2007-10-26 10:29:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋