Why do parents go about the wrong way protecting their children?

Question

Why do parents react to their kids being online in a paranoid, rash and illogical manner, instead of a constructive helpful one?

C'mon, when you were kids, how often would you actually listen to your parents. If you tell your kids "no you can't do this", chances are they'll just go behind your back and REALLY get in trouble.

So why do it? Why not instead be constructive and helpful? Hold their hand, make sure they're doing the right thing? Tell them it's ok to get on MySpace or Facebook or Yuniti, but that they need to keep you in the loop? Tell them it's ok to talk to strangers online, but that if they ever ask to meet you that they should come talk to you?

Tell them that if they ever really trust and like someone online, and want to meet them, that you'll chauffeur them? (how many sexual predators will agree to THAT?)

Simply put, what happened to being a constructive helpful parent instead of a fearful and overprotective?

PeterK: I'm a 26 year old male who had awesome parents growing up who were always there to help

Snoopy: Insulting people because they do not believe what you do is rude and judgemental. I'm happily engaged, thank you, and I have close friends of all ages (from 11 to 40)

havasnana: You're right, you can't. But if you show your kids that you trust them and that they can trust you, they'll go to you when they're in trouble or scared. As for your son, sadly you can't always prevent that. But isn't a parent's job to help a child grow and learn so that they can deal with problems on their own, instead of protecting them from everything? Kids grow up and you won't always be there, they need to learn to deal with issues on their own

Tikva: Agree 100%. Just hoping maybe I could get the ball rolling to change society a bit

roseprinted: Agree, 100%. The world can be a scarry place, but as you said, scary things happen all the time, so we must be doing something wrong, right?

BSOD: Why not? Sooner or later your kids will talk to strangers, correct? You won't always be there to protect them. How many kids go behind their parents' backs and sign up for MySpace at their friends house?
I never said you should allow your kids to talk to whoever they want and not care. You SHOULD care. But hovering over them and watching their every move will only make them not trust you and make them want to go behind your back.
The way to avoid the bad things that happen is to let your kids know that they can trust you, isn't it? Otherwise what's to stop them from getting in danger without you even knowing?

libragurl: Hindsight is 20/20. Obviously now we look back and think "MAN my parents knew what they were doing". But no kid thinks that. Kids will always try to do what they want, and we can either support them so that when the situation gets tough they call for help, or not let them experience life only to have them go behind your back and get in REAL trouble.

Becky B: I never said encourage. If your kid never once asks you to get on Yuniti or MySpace, I never said you should tell them "You REALLY need to get on!". Much to the contrary.
I simply believe that in today's age where all kids want to do is watch TV and play video games, social networking isn't the worst of it. Better to be reading, writing, and typing, than letting their brains rot with today's TV shows, don't you think?
I don't think you give your kids' enough credit. You're making it seem like they're dumb and stupid, and I highly doubt that. Youngsters are smart, the problem is usually that they KNOW their parents will be against the things they do and not support them, so they simply do it behind their backs.
Lastly, it's been proven that teenagers do not have the sense of danger that adults do. You really think scaring them with all the bad things that can happen is having any effect? Schools try to scare kids away from drugs and sex, and that hasn't worked very well

Becky B: As a parent, you have a right to do whatever you want. No one can argue that. But isn't parenting about being the best parent you can be, not having the right to do what you want?

Answer 1

Most parents try to do the best they can with what they have. Our society has become overly protective in general in response to endless news of kidnappings, child abuse, violence, gangs, etc. There is also parental peer pressure to act a certain way and alienation if you don't follow the "code."

Answer 2

There are still many constructive and helpful parents. The ones who are involved in there children's lives. The ones who give them encouragement and let them know they can be whatever they want to be in this world. Being a constructive parent also means being a slightly fearful and overprotective one as well. Fear is a signal to the body that something isn't 100% safe. Why would I encourage my child to go online to a place that is not safe. I would much rather be a responsible parent that shows news reports and newspaper articles on what happens to children who endanger their lives and the lives of their families by giving out information on those sites. Give them a slap of reality because I am a good parent. There are far greater things that kids can be doing with there time than sitting on MySpace. I believe websites like that should be banned. They are a breeding ground for preditors. They pressure children that want so desperately to fit in and be loved, they make everything sound as though parents are wrong and don't understand..but I (the preditor) understands everything completely. These youngsters are being subdued without any knowledge of what wrong doing is going on. This is the type of constructive parent I am, and will continue to be. I call it in the name of love. You call it overprotective. It is these types of twisted messages that our children are buying into. ALL PARENTS: Be a parent, you have that right to say no to these websites.

Answer 3

WoW! Are you for real?
Uh, NO! We protect our children because the world is so much worse than it was when we were growing up. Yes, I will admit that I did not always listen to my parents, but now that I have grown up, I realize that they only wanted the best for me and that I probably should have. I love my children, I want to know what they are doing.. I want to know their friends ~ meeting strangers online doesn't fit in there anywhere. Furthermore, predators are very cunning individuals, very good manipulators. How could a parent actually live with themselves if they were fooled into a situation like this? I know I could not, so therefore it would never happen.

Answer 4

Parents are only human and make an insane amount of mistakes in life let alone bringing up a child.

There are so many terrible things that terrify parents in the news like paedophiles, kidnappings, beatings, murders, teenagers taking part in gun crime and gangs...alot of these things weren't so prolific or threatening in previous generations (our parent's) so they try and do what they think is best. What they assumed is the best way around it usually isn't because they most likely won't have had to cope with such things in their own childhood.

Answer 5

See the thing is it's NOT OK to talk to strangers anywhere, online or not.

If you do not know the people your kids are talking to it is not ok to allow them to do so.

It is up to parents to make the decisions for their children. When you leave important decisions up to kids that is when the trouble begins

Answer 6

you cant protect them every second. my ll year old son was following some suggestions for sites for kids to play and opened up the vilest porn site . Did not want him to see something like that. How do you prevent that?

Answer 7

You sound like a predator.

In response to your question about why parents are not perfect, there is no handbook.

Still, you sound like a predator.

Answer 8

You sound like a kid who didn't get his/her way and is now sulking.