I was in love with this girl and we had been serious for about two years and out of the blue she one night asked me to marry her and I told her that I loved very much but that I did not want to get married until I was financially set. She later cheated on me and we never spoke again. I've asked many people if this was a good enough reason to say no. What do you think?
2007-10-26 00:45:44 · 20 answers · asked by Sexy Bear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it's the smart thing to do.
She didn't cheat because of this, she cheated because she was selfish.
Most marital problems stem from financial issues, so if you're financially stable, you're giving your marriage a better chance at success.
2007-10-26 02:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that was a good reason to say no. What is financially set? Marriage is a partnership and getting financially set together is half the fun. I could see if you were homeless and had no where for the two of you to live. If everyone waited until they were financially set there would not be very many marriages. When my husband and I got married we did not have much money. It did not matter because we had each other. We have come a long way together since then and I would not change a thing. Most women today do not want you to take care of them. We can take care of ourselves and we can take care of you if need be. She probably felt like that was an excuse. She might have felt that she was wasting her time and that you would never be ready for marriage. Money is not the most important thing in the world. It helps to be set but you will still live if you are not.
2007-10-26 02:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it would depend on what you mean by financially "set". If you're talking about simply enough money to live - then yes you should wait until you have that money before marrying. If you're talking about having "extra" money then probably not. The reality is that once you are married and have a family there really is not such as animal as "extra money".
Marriage is about a commitment to each other - not each others checkbook. Couple fight over money that's true, but overcoming financial issues is also a huge part of marriage. You might be financially "set" today - and tomorrow your world falls apart and your set situation is anything but. This to me measures the metal of any relationship - it's easy to be in love during the good times, but how well do you handle the bad times.
You should say "no" to marriage until you find the person you can look at and think - I don't care if I was king of the world or living in a cardboard box...this is the person I want to live the rest of my life with.
2007-10-26 01:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by Susie D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is. I have no idea where people think that finances should stand in the way of a happy life together. My husband and I didn't have two pennies to rub together, but we got married anyway. Why do you have to build your financial empire alone? Why can't you do that WITH your spouse? That is what we did. Sure we ate a lot of hot dogs and mac and cheese in the beginning, but we did it together. Now we aren't rich, but we are financially secure. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years. I am now going to school to do something I want to do since our youngest started kindergarten this year.
Anyway, my point is, we didn't need money to be happy or build a life together. Anything we have is because we worked for it. We can be proud together for what we have accomplished. We are very close emotionally and physically. We are genuinely happy. Been married 9 years, together 10.
2007-10-26 00:56:39 · answer #4 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You were absolutely right considering that the main reason for divorce today is not being able to provide(financial). For her cheating on you is just a big wake up call for you Know that she isn't worth thinking about. If she doesn't acknowledge your view and understand it, then no point in pursuing a relationship with her. Financial foundation is more important nowadays. You cannot live on love alone. Love is not something that happens overnight. It has to be built by overcoming difficulties together. Surely that girl hasn't shown her love for you.
2007-10-26 01:15:04 · answer #5 · answered by im@home 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take both sides. Money isn't ahppiness in marriage. I mean my husband and I don't have any sepnding money. The only thing that sucks is that we can't go out or buy new things. But we married for our love, not money, lol. Then again I think you were being considerate. Like you wanted to make sure her and you were set, avoiding financial hardships. Good thing you found out the truth though. Best of luck.
2007-10-26 02:19:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. In your case it didn't matter. She wasn't the one for you. If she loved you, she would have waited on you. She cheated because she wanted to cheat. Good thing you saw her traits in the beginning of the relationship before you decided to walk her down the aisle. The next relationship you get in just be upfront with her.
Depending on your age, saying no to marriage until you're financially set is wrong in my opinion. If two people really love each other there is nothing either would do for each other. Two bank accounts are better than one.
2007-10-26 01:18:53 · answer #7 · answered by KSR 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Financially set is relative. There is really no way to ever truly be financially set. The more money that you have, the more you spend.
I would say that your reasoning was not great, but she cheated on you later and that makes your choice to not marry her a good one.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-26 01:53:03 · answer #8 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im so happy to hear that their are still some people out their who think before they leap! I see that someone taught you that its not ok to marry before your ready financially and mentally. This tells me that you are gonna make a great husband one day, and dont worry about losing the girl, if she cheated on you as a boyfriend, she would have cheated as a wife, so its much better that you found out about her charactor defects now, and not after marriage. So dont have regrets, you did the right thing, its only to bad this girl didnt noctice what a mature man she had, I think your ex, was not so much interested in marrying you, but more interested in the idea of marriage itself, and her actions prove that she wasnt ready nor capable of such a responsibility as marriage.
2007-10-26 01:35:14 · answer #9 · answered by penelope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey do not even let that girl worry you. You did the right thing. How does she expect you to take care of her in a home without finance? For you to have a happy family money is involved other wise you would have ended up being destitute. She is not worth marrying no wonder she cheated on you.
2007-10-26 01:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by mwilaeuzaih 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋