how do i get over a 7 years abusive relationship?

Question

i have been together with my ex for 7 years. his 5 years younger than me, with had 3 young kids together, oldest is 5,the youngest is 5 months.

since the first one he has become physically violence. every week we would argue, an wen the argument gets to much he punches me about.i've been suffering like this every single month for past 7 years, i dont no why i tolerate it.
now i've finally come to my sense.since baby been born, it made me see things clearly, no matter how many time he said sorry, it wont happen again. it made me think, leopards never change their spots. all my friends and family say his young. i say if his old enough to have kids,then he should be old enough to take responsibilty.
now his gone im left on my own with the kids, im finding it hard to get over,that this could be the end. how do i get over it? he said he dont want to know the kids, their not his. how do i help myself to deal with this? im trying to be strong for them, but inside i feel like cracking up

Answer 1

Give yourself a good cry. Mabey get some couseling. Know that is it NOT your fault!! HE is imature, you are the mature one taking responsibility as you should. Getting help and talking about with some people will probably be the best thing. Talk to some authority figures (cops) to let them know how he is and how he needs more help than you. He will do this again. Save someone else by reporting him. Just give yourself some time.

Answer 2

I sorry that have have to feel this pain, and I will admit that is a lot to take on, But on the flip side of that, you should be grateful. You should be happy that you are free that physically abusive man, and grateful that your kids are too. It couldn't have happened at a better time. Also, be grateful for your kids, they are really the ones that bring us through the tough times. So use that fear, anger, and resentment as motivivation, to be the best person you can be for your kids. How sad is it that a someone doesn't want to know his own kids! and that he would disown them! But with that being said, this is why your gonna have to be your best self so that you can fill that void for them. I know its hard, but try not focus on him but on them. I mean for real don't you think Shaq's(O'neals) dad is kicking himself all over for walking out on his life? I mean I could name so many examples. So don't let that grief consume you. Get yourself enrolled in a class or something, just get busy improving your life and yourself and then you won't have time to worry about him.

Answer 3

you have to stand tall and know you are better than what he was treating you like. if he doesnt want to know the kids he wasnt a worthy father in the first place. and i know that if he had stayed and kept treating u the way he did, the kids would most likly hate him anyway, cos a family member of mine was just like that, cept i cud never get out. try and think what your relationship wud have been like 6 years down the track if u had stayed with him the way he was. the kids would have picked up on his violent rage, and no kid should go through that. now think wat ur life is gona be like 6 years down the track without him. you left him, this proves you are a very strong person and you know what is right for your kids, i think u have done a great thing and i wish u the best of luck on dealing with this problem. many wishes sent out for you !

Answer 4

File for child support, and tell him it is over.He needs counseling.Also ask yourself if you were in the wrong for some of the things you did that provoked his .I am not saying that excuses what he did, but it will help you later on if you get in another relationship.
Trust the LORD to help you.You could probably use some counseling because first you said you came to your senses , then mention that he left you, not the other way around.
Next pick a man who is in church and watch his life closely before ever going out on a date.

Answer 5

Please get some help from anywhere you can.
Don't EVER take him back, as hard as it might be now, it will get so much better without him.
You don't deseve to be beaten.
He is a low life, you have children to protect.
Please get some help, surely there are some support groups in your area?
You have taken the first step by asking this question on here.
You are worth every bit of help that you can get.
You do have to be strong for your children.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Dear Dil,

i read ur story and was feeling quite sorry. All i can say is Dont chill out what you have done is right. MOVE ON..... NEVER GIVE UP ..... its purely your will power and GRACE with which you can win the BATTLE of LIFE. i will share with you some thing more wonderful...
A couple loved so deeply and married and were inseperable ....... you know she ran away and the GUY is deeply depresed its almost 8 years that they are seperate and till date he loves her the same way what it was years . BUT she is adamant on Making MONEY ...
MONEY IS NOT LIFE ALONE she feels the PINCH today ........... they are now patching up .....
this mail will not necessarily give you guidelines, but to learn from the beautyof LIFE.. IT has to go thru a FULL CIRCLE.....
Come what may it needs to be completed....
Rgds

Answer 7

Darlin' your not alone on this. Get help!!! Be strong and tell yourself, I'm a human being and I deserve better then this and I will take my pride up in the air move on. I know it is hard and both of you share those happy moments in life. But think of him everytime he hits you and forget about him. YOu have the kids, why bother. File for child support and move on...Everytime you wake up in the morning tell your self that I will do this better for me and my kids. Be strong....and it is okay to cry. Ask for help ---your mom just to lend a shoulder to cry on to.

Answer 8

With self respect, pride, dignity and value you have to focus solely on your children. Don't forget that ahole was not just abusing you, he was abusing your children too!

Keep that useless fool out of your life and don't let him near those children. He will pay for this and payback is gonna be a b i t c h!

Cracking up will make you a failure too, so stand up tall, lift your chin and just enjoy your new life. You will have the best life. Don't let some idiot destroy that opportunity.

God will take care of you and you will be so happy when the man that you're meant to be with arrives. He's out there. The man of your dreams. A real man! You get out of this world, what you put into it, so put the love and happiness into your children and you will get it all back. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 9

tell me. is that man ever changed a bit during those 7 years? or is he still the same man that react like a child, defensive and sensitive. these peoples ( and i say peoples cause some women can also be like that) are always the same. they do not grow up therefor it`s very hard to grow with them. they can be 25-35-45-or even 55 and 65 and they will still react like child. the main thing is to remember that their problem is related to the emotional level of their being. they are usually possessif, very jealous, manipulative and controling and that`s the way they learned to control their own emotions. they just don`t know how!!! to control themselves so they control others, animals, situations etc...when you start arguing with him, what does he usually do? does he repeat always the same old thing? same nicknames? if you look closer to what happen in the past, was it always the same? was it a pattern? they all have one!!! find yours with him. and then, the next time an arguement start, YOU stand still in the front of him with courage and say it in once. everything that he usually say to you, to hurt you, even if it`s not true. you will do to him what he does to you and even agreed with him. this is what i did, and it does work believe it!!! his first reaction will be to leave, he won`t know what to say. because you already said it all and the surprise will fu...ed him up.
read a book on CO-DEPENDENCY the one i suggest is
--CO-DEPENDENCY NO MORE--- sorry can`t remember the writer, but i know it`s a woman, just remember, BEATTY, i think it`s her family name.
you need to give yourself and the kids at least 2 years to, get rid of the dirt, do your laundry ( as i like to call it) of your family life. i suggest that you go to some family counseling services. this in itself could be of great importance for you and the kids as it could help yous in many ways. relearn to live, healthy this time. read this thaught, i hope it will motivate you.
TAKE TIME TO THINK- it is the source of power. TAKE TIME TO READ- it is the foundation of wisdom. TAKE TIME TO PLAY- it is the secret of staying young. TAKE TIME TO BE QUIET- it is the opportunity to seek GOD. TAKE TIME TO BE AWARE-it is the opportunity to help others. TAKE TIME TO LOVE, AND BE LOVED- it is GOD`s greatest gift. TAKE TIME TO LAUGH- it is the music of the soul. TAKE TIME TO BE FRIENDLY- it is the road to happiness. TAKE TIME TO DREAM- it is what the futur is made of. TAKE TIME TO PRAY- it is the greatest power on earth. THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING...
TAKE TIME TO HEAL, BE AWARE, PATIENT AND EXTREMLY PATIENT. this is the secret to overcome abuse. nobody knows everything, this is why i advise you to seek for counseling. good luck in your journey and don`t give-up. you will only make it then and only then can you be proud of yourself.

Answer 10

Be +ve. If u wnat to stay in the relationship stop any arugue with him. Always force him not to talk any -ve. & ofcourse u do the same. Its definite he is not liable with u. but try to win his heart with ur doings. U r some late to take decission.