my ex is telling me if i want to see my child i must drop and pick her up when and where its conveniant to him

Question

although i pay no maintenance i signed the house over to him and it was agreed this was a lump sum for my daughters upkeep he now tells me im getting off lightly and have no rights and if i want to see my daughter it has to suit him and i must supply transport even though he knows this isnt always possible and i must drop her off at his girlfriends house which is further away and says the deal is she gets picked up and droped off to suit him this cant be right

i came out as gay to my husband seven years ago i then signed the house over to him this was a one off lump sum payment for our daughters upkeep he now after 7 yrs he says im getting off lightly and must pick her up and drop her off at his convenience and at his girlfriends house which is further for me and i dont always have transport he says thats "the deal" if i want to see her

i came out as gay to my husband seven years ago i then signed the house over to him this was a one off lump sum payment for our daughters upkeep he now after 7 yrs he says im getting off lightly and must pick her up and drop her off at his convenience and at his girlfriends house which is further for me and i dont always have transport he says thats "the deal" if i want to see her

Answer 1

you both need to sit down and sort this out its not going to get better by leaving thing as they are at the end of the day you both have a child to bring up whether she lives with you or not if you both put her first then you cant go wrong stop the tit for tat i do have to say i think he might be enjoying hurting you cos you have hurt him by leaving
my son is in the same kinda of thing what do is he picks her up mum collects we have every other weekend and one over night stay in week ( xmas ) every other xmas eve and morning and the next year works xmas dinner and all day boxing day share birthdays buy cards each mum and dad little pressie nothing big but she is a happy little girl you have to make it work for HER.

Answer 2

Welcome to the world of the non-custodial parent. Words of advice:

Take the high road. By this I mean always be friendly and smile. You did get off very easy since you do not have to make monthly payments. These monthly payments do increase over time because of inflation, cost of living, the child's extra needs--such as clothes, courses, etc. Pick the child up when the time is agreed upon--NEVER miss an agreed time/date to pick her up. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE: there are buses, friends, relatives, taxis, etc. Always be polite to both him and the girlfriend--she is a 'back-up' parent no matter what you may feel or want. In the long run you will appear to be reasonable and his attitude will change because YOU HAVE CHANGED. You can only control HOW YOU ACT. (The do unto others theory...) The MEANER he is the NICER you will be. Put your daughter's need to be with you before your own pride and his meanness.

You have a legal right to see your daughter. I hope this 'signing over the house to him' was done legally. Make sure you have all this in writing so your daughter as an adult will understand why you didn't make payments of support for her. Also just because you signed over a house, you still need to pay for 'extras' for her, and do so in a polite manner. Never miss a gift for her birthday, religious holiday, etc.

This will all take time, but the effort will be worth it. I hope you understand what I'm saying here. Do not let him set you up to get angry. It sounds like button pushing on both parts.

Good luck. Be calm. Eventually he too will grow up and hopefully you can both treat each other with respect.

Answer 3

Irregardless of the age of the child, this is truly an immature ex-mate, therefore, affecting the mind and future of something precious brought into the world and not by choice. Not knowing either parent; yet assuming you have visitation rights, legally speaking, this is a matter that falls into the hands of your attorney. The final court decree should specifically specify your rights and privileges. I seriously doubt that it is anywhere in the legal paper work that she is picked up and dropped off to meet your ex's schedule and needs. And I must say, my thoughts go to the child when I hear the words, "....and I must drop her off at his girlfriend's house." How cheesy that sounds. This is a serious issue between two adults, mother and dad, and not anyone else. See and talk explicitly with your attorney, keep the child out of the conversations concerning this raffled situation. You know, I so often ask myself - why do we as adults question why so many parents are having difficult times with their children. In most situations, just look in the mirror.

I wish you the best.

Betty Duerr

Answer 4

ha ha, yeah I agree cool off a bit and then kill him with kindness, Sweety you can get him good, if he as much as raises his voice to you in front of your child weather it be in person, on the phone or through a window its child abuse and you could get full custody of your daughter. Keep track of every time he does anything in front of your child. Explain to him that you feel that he do some of the transportation, its law in most states that the parents meet at a neutral meeting place so that no one feels like they are being taken advantage of. You may have to take him back to court or get on-line and look up (yourstatename) codes and find the ones on transportation for visitation of a minor. Then print it out and give it to him, show him the law, if he don't comply call your local police department explain the situation to an officer and ask for their advice. You can do all that without him knowing, just remember the nicer you are to him the more chance you have to bend him over and allow him to take it where the sun don't shine. I did it, and I have full custody of both my sons, I moved 2,000 miles from him and there ain't a darn thing he can do now to stop me. Good luck and remember, make friends of the local police department they can be your best friends, cause everything you call and have an issue with him its a legal document that you can use in court against the S.O.B.!

Answer 5

Parting company with some one is so difficult especially when children are involved no wonder people always say before you part think of the poor child, now she is at your messy. You didnt say how old the chid is and why you went separate ways. From my judgement your ex is trying to punish you ( make you feel jealous) at all cost and making you look stupid by you picking and droping the child at his girl friends. Let the Laws that govern your land guide you in this matter. The man is a wicth. Sad for the poor little girl who has to be pushed around like a ball.

Answer 6

Well your ex probably wants to have time alone with his new girlfriend without your daughter being there so use this to your advantage .Cool off a bit and tell him you are willing to have your daughter but he must do some of the transport . He probably thinks he has you over a barrel ,get him over one instead.

Answer 7

Does he have full custody of your little girl? If so then he can do what he wants unfortunately. If not then he has no right to say that.

If I were you i'd pick your daughter up from wherever she is, and tell your ex before you leave that if he wants her back HE has to come and get her or she'll just have to stay with you. He won't really have a choice in the matter then.

My sister and partner have an arrangement for their son where if my sister is looking after him, she'll pick him up, and if her ex is looking after him, he'll pick him up. It works fine and is fair!

Answer 8

take him to court let them know how the 2 of you made an agreement about the house. .He can not tell you when and where to pick the child up from..Let them know about transportation he can not legally do this..But you must go through the courts..

Answer 9

See a solicitor. Any arguments that you have with your partner will only upset your kid, and he can't be allowed to get away with treating you like a doormat. Your children have the right to see you, and if he isn't willing to play fair then you can't argue in front of your kids.

Answer 10

Ok first of all, there should be visitation guidlines in your divorce decree , stating when you allowed to have visitations with your child, if you do not have that, you need to take him to court to recieve that. Now as far as transportation, it is the non custodial parents responsibility to pick up and drop off the child , because a judge can not force a non custodial parent to see their child, nor can the custodial parent force the non custodial to visit their child so the courts leave the pick up and drop off responsibility to the non custodial parent. NOW with that said, YOU DO NOT have to pick up or drop off your daughter to anywhere but his place of residence. At that point it is his responsibility to either have someone there to recieve your child if say he has to work, or for him to be there himself.. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE CHILD TO THE GF'S HOUSE NOR IF U WANT TO BE A PAIN YOU TECHNICALLY DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER OVER TO ANYONE BUT HIM.. you do have rights, dont let him try to bully you, you are just as much of your childs parent as he is only difference is he is the custodial parent, which yes at times it feels like they have all the power, but on your time.. your visits, you do not have to go by his rules.. it is his responsibility as custodial parent to make the arrangements necessary for someone or himself to be at HIS residence when your visit is up. Not your responsibility to take your daughter to HIS babysitter. And if i were you.. id tell him that from now on that you are only picking her up and dropping her off at his residency, if she isnt there, u will hold him in contempt of court for not having her where she's suppose to be to pick her up for your visits, and id tell him from here on out that u will go to his residency when u drop her off, if he isnt there, or if he doesnt have someone u feel comfortable with dropping her off with at his residency that you will take her back home and he can pick her up from your house. Now u will have to prove that u went to his house to try and take her home to his house and if he's not there u leave a note on his door, and perhaps one in his mail box as well just to cover your own butt.. then u take her home with u, till he comes and gets her. Now the reason i say on the door and in the mail box, is because he's probably going to bulk the first time or two that u do this.. and may even get the police officers involved and when he does, u will need to prove that u attempted to bring her home and he wasnt there, and well he could easily throw the note away that u put on the door, so i'd have a back up plan with one in the mail box as well to prove that u were there. And when he realizes that your taking his power away, he will back down and be more respectful of you rather then thinking he gets to call all the shots.. couple times of him having to retrieve ur daughter from your house, and he'll make sure he is there when she gets home or atleast someone suitable to watch her is there.