My wife and I have been married now for 6 years. To say that we have trust issues would be an understatement. We seperated once at which time she immediatly moved another man in with her, in front of our children. Unfortunatly we have once again serperated, this time I have evidence that it was planned long before she left. She has been talking to several men on the internet both before and after she left. Now, after letting her use my computer, I have found that she has been sending nude photos of herself to at least 6 men. One minute she wants to work things out, the next she can't stand to look at me. She refuses counseling. I want to save my marriage for the kids and our vows to one another. Is it possible to save it now? I have no idea what she is capable of anymore. Should I just let her go and try to get the kids so that they have some stability in their lives? I know I have my flaws but this is getting out of hand.
2007-10-25 20:13:41 · 12 answers · asked by Mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I lived through a VERY similar situation. I really can't tell you what to do, that you have to do yourself. It is your family, so it is really up to you. It depends on how bad you want to make it work. Do you trust her at all? If not, I think it is time to move on. I didn't ask if you loved her becuase obviously you do if you aked this question. If there is no more trust in the relationship, there is no relationship. I think it would be worse for the kids to see you two fall apart in front of them. My two boys were young, and they still don't really understand it. It is a tough road my friend, but if you love your kids, you will get through it.
2007-10-25 20:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children are what should take priority and in such, a damaging situation such as this is not something you want your children to be a part of.
What is worse and this is something you don’t see much discussion of is the fact that you are taking a chance with your life with her. What I mean by that is I will use the example of a close friend of mine. His wife cheated on him, the first time he took her back. The second time she gave him a death sentence. That is right; she contracted HIV and loved her husband so much that she decided to share it with him from her lover.
I mean what are you going to do, ask her “well if you are going to cheat on me, at least use a condom?”
My friend, a loving father of two boys got a death sentence for not leaving his wife after she cheated on him, and she showed him her sincere appreciation for that by taking a chance with not only her life but his as well and there is a very good possibility that neither will be around to watch their sons graduate from High School.
I have no sympathy at all for cheaters. Adultery affects more people in more ways than many other things that have our prisons full. Maybe if it was treated more like the crime it is and people were actually sent to prison for their act it would lessen, but until that day happens, don’t let yourself be a victim by trusting someone who knows just how to manipulate your trust for their selfishness.
2007-10-26 04:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by Quinnor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids and get out asap she is no good for you or the kids if she does this garbage in front of them, she does not want to save the marriage and it is a two way street so boot her to the curb grab the kids and leave or through her butt out, I would never stand for that and she is lucky she is not dealing with me cause boy I would have some fun with her, she likes to send nude pics of herself I would make sure to send some of her photo's to her friends, family, her boss and I won't forget the world wide web. I always get the last laugh.
2007-10-26 04:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by carm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids and go. She is not going to ever change, so you might as well save yourself from any more heart break. It won't be easy, but at least you can give the children the benefit of a stable home life, and the sense to know that they should not be like that, or put up with someone else that is.
2007-10-26 03:19:34 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No trust me I have been in a similar situation, you need to start doing what makes you happy not just what you think is right for the kids, because that is usually the wrong decision in the end. I would go and get the stability for the kids.
2007-10-26 03:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but you cant make this woman truly love you, staying for the children is not the thing to do, just get the children and get out she obviously does not care about anyone but herself, stability is important for both you and the children....
2007-10-26 05:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than this. I'd say take the kids, get a divorce, and find someone worthy of you. You do not deserve to be treated like this and you should not put up with it.
2007-10-26 06:34:46 · answer #7 · answered by Kay S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Mike, I hope this will help you. I'm married and my husband is the most important thing to me however, i like things he is unable to give me. i like mystery plus as i've gotten older i find i want, no wait I NEED the attention from others.. Mostly to make myself feel better. although it's unfair to him. and even i realize this he's to the point now where he trust me to know i wont cheat again and i've learned to start being honest to him about what i am doing.
when i talk to another guy i get very detailed, i'm intimate, i even go so far as to tell these guy's i'm falling in love. however, i don't mean any of it. it just feels good at the time. it's like a fantacy. it's harmless. of course i don't ever let anyone know where i live.
Over the years my husband has seen the patteren with many different guys. You said she's sending her pic to 6 guys... then more then likely she's like me. you can't give her that attention she needs because your her husband. she knows you love her she knows you think she's great. even thou normal society says that should be enough it's not to people like me.
And to be honest you should give her space when it comes to that part of her life. she will eventually tell you things. like i said i now trust my husband not to judge me or yell at me for it and i tell him all about it. when i get bored with the guy as she will too she will even laugh with you about all the dumb **** he says. If you love her and can deal with her quirks then i say keep trying. but remember this is a part of her. it's not that she physically wants to cheat on you. She just wants to feel special again. She wants to feel that sensation that a girl feels when she first meets that mr. right. your her mr. right cuz your the one she married. all these other guys are so she can feel that feeling again.
and remember its nothing you've done wrong or anything you can do to change it. if you try she will only resent you for it. so like i said if you can deal with the quirk then more power to you. I got lucky cuz i met a man who understands that i need this in my life. he knows i love him and knows i would never leave him. plus he knows i never mean the things i say. and yes i do feel guilty because i couldn't imagine the thoughts he had at the begining. all the insecurities he had. but after many many many fights i finally realized this is just a quirk i have and he's ok with it.
the whole thing sounds crazy but to me it's not.
2007-10-26 03:31:58 · answer #8 · answered by It's me 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sorry, hon. take it from a woman, its time to move on and gain some stability for you and your children. first time shame on me, second time shame on you. you cant let anyone play with your emotions. its gonna hurt like hell for awhile, but from what I read, I think it's the best thing. sorry!
2007-10-26 03:21:53 · answer #9 · answered by Lynne M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a breather before things get worse and affect the kid's upbringing....if u are confident enough to raise them and manage career...do the right thing
2007-10-26 03:18:23 · answer #10 · answered by nikhil r 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋