I am a 23 year old housewife...I feel so useless sometimes...I don't have to work because my husband...?

Question

makes plenty of money, and he doesn't really want me to work which is fine with me because I have never really had a good work ethic about me. (Please don't criticize me about that!)

I just sometimes feel useless, and really bored. My typical day goes like this-
I get up anywhere from 9AM-11AM. Usually when I get up I watch the news and check my email and stuff. Then my husband comes home for lunch from 12-12:30. Then after he leaves I usually do my chores like washing clothes, dishes, etc. A few days a week some of my girlfriends will come hang out with me and we will just hang out and talk or go shopping and run errands. I am always home by 5PM when my husband gets here and we usually talk for a while and then go out to dinner (I am a sorry cook, and don't really care to learn how to either). After that we come home and watch tv and hang out. Then he goes to bed because he has to leave for work early in the mornings. So I tuck him into bed and then play on the net or watch tv...

I usually stay up late...at least till midnight and sometimes till 3 AM. I just feel like such a loser sometimes. What can I do to feel better? I definetly don't want a job. But I would like to feel like I am doing something to contribute. I do all the house chores, pay the bills, and all my other "wife duties"....but I just don't feel like it is enough. We don't have any kids. And I really don't know if I want any. So what kind of advice do you have for me?

Please don't be critical or rude...I want real ideas that could help me get out of this rut that I feel that I am in. By the way I have been married for 3 years, and been with him for 5. If you want to know something else just ask....I just need something to feel better about myself and my life.....I know that I prbably sound like a spoiled ***** for complaining about my good life. But, it is just not what it is all cracked up to be...I never saw myself being a bored housewife that felt useless. My hubby is great to me and...

takes great care of me. He makes sure that I have everything that I need, but I just always feel like there is something missing. I feel bad about my sleeping habits. I feel bad about not contributing financially and lots more....What would you do to feel better if you were me?? And please don't say get a job. That isn't the kind of answer that I am looking for. I know this was really long. If you read it all I really appreciate it. Thanks for all your help and answers.

Yea I finished college...and I worked for a year or so, but it just wasn't for me.

Sorry you are so jealous Trojka...Apparently you are or you wouldn't of went off like you did. I didn't ask this question to be criticized. I asked it because I want to better myself and be a better person in general. And your comment about a "little housework" shows that you obviously have no idea what goes into my day, or any other housewives. It takes me at least 6-8 hours to usually complete all my chores. My house is always spotless. I am always complemented about how lovely my house looks, and I do it all by myself! I never ask my husband to lay a finger on anything at home because I know that he works really hard supporting us financially. I knew there would be at least one smartazz in the bunch that would have something rude to say. For all of the rest of you who took the time to consider my feelings and think of legitimate things I could do, Thank you! Lots of you have given me some wonderful ideas. I don't plan on feeling bad about myself one day longer. Im takin your advice!

Answer 1

God, girl -- go VOLUNTEER!!! Find something that interests you and do some volunteer work. You need to get your mind off YOURSELF -- plus it will make you feel useful, not useless. And you will be a more interesting person to your husband and friends.

You could also take a class or two in something that interests you -- photography, whatever. Get a hobby.

You have a great life -- now go DO something with it.

Answer 2

Nice that you got all that out there. And not to be mean or judgmental sounding (because I'm not trying to be its my way as well). But I think you should actually get a job and learn to do some of the things you aren't good at. Especially the cooking. I mean its cool to go out to eat but, seriously fast food only leads to health problems down the road, and spending so much money a week when you could be saving it up for something worthwhile is senseless to me. Another thing is if you don't have kids, then I don't believe you should just be sitting at home. I mean no wonder you are bored. It doesn't take all that much effort to do simple laundry and what not. But again as you said " I just sometimes feel useless, and really bored." I think that is a clear message you need to take some action and do something with your life. I mean even if you don't have that great a work ethic, I say work on that. Because even though your husband has a great job now, who knows he might get laid off, so you will need to pick up the slack. Or even if you have kids, what if you and the husband get a divorce? You have to work to support them too as well as yourself. So again not trying to sound judgmental or negative towards you, but really you need to set some priorities. All things may seem good right now and what not. But things change with the snap of your fingers. And you can't be one to sit back and say you don't know what you are going to do if he divorces you or he loses his job. A marriage is a partnership, not one person doing all the work and another sitting around being deadweight.

Answer 3

You don`t work, u don`t cook, u have poor work ethics, wonder why u feel useless. My God, the term, "get a life" surely applies to you. Instead of hanging out with the g/f`s, why don`t u volunteer at a local nursing home where u could at least do minimal chores for the poor elderly people who can`t write letters to loved ones or just spend time talking to them. Another place where u could be of some use is ur local animal shelter, walk the dogs, help feed them, give them some much needed attention, combing, brushing, etc. Do something beside occupy space and breathe air. Get up off ur lazy bum and volunteer for something. U don`t have to have a 9 to 5 job, but u can be productive in other ways by helping those less fortunate than you. Get motivated girl.

Answer 4

I'm glad you're able to spend time with some friends throughout the week. I understand your feelings of wanting to do your part in this world. You're definitely not a loser simply being at home a lot. One thing you can do to get more involved is right here at Answers. Helping others is a passion of mine. A lot of people have a lot of serious questions and problems. If you're there to talk things through and help out, it can do a hell of a lot. It's beyond a hobby because you're bettering another person's life. It's not the variety of things we do that help fulfill our lives but the reason we do things and the effect those things have on ourselves and everything else. We can talk more about it or just talk about anything, if you'd like. Just send me an e-mail. I have instant messengers as well, so we could chat through that.

Heath

Answer 5

Volunteer somewhere. Look into Big Sisters. Take your old magazines somewhere that they can be useful: nursing home, school for the mentally challenged (at the one near here they use the pictures), help someone learn to read, offer to do some clerical work at your church, visit someone in the hospital, mow the yard of someone who's been sick, walk around your neighborhood and get to know more of your neighbors, set up a party for low-income children, etc. Look around your community and see who needs help. Ask around. It's almost winter and temperatures are going down, how about setting up a coat and/or blanket drive to help the homeless? You don't seem as if you have a 'purpose' to your life, you need something to aim for. Helping others less fortunate will make you feel like a hero!

Answer 6

well if you're doing all the household chores then you ARE contributing. he does his part by going and working and making the money and all. and you do your part by taking care of the household that you both live in. so you ARE contributing. but i can understand your boredom. maybe find some kind of hobby? or volunteer somewhere? get involved with a good cause or something like that maybe? other than that i cant really think of anything but getting a job. maybe even a part time one. it would help you contribute financially, get you out of the house, kill some time and keep you from being so bored. maybe start a workout program? i dont know. im trying my best to come up with something. ;P

Answer 7

It sounds as though you are in a rut and a boring one at that. There must be something you want to do, some interest or talent you want to develop. Where do you plan to be in 5 years? Still doing the same? For many people it's not easy to know what they want from life or what they want to do with their lives. If you aren't sure just try something, anything, new-sports, hobbies, take a class or two, help out at some charity, just get out of the house and do something. At the moment you are just killing time and time is the raw material of our lives.

Answer 8

I can relate. I stay home as well, though my reasons are slightly different. For awhile I thought I'd go out of my mind. But having hobbies definitely helps. I keep an aquarium, and have my darling chihuahuas. My most recent hobby is sewing clothes for my little girl Chihuahua. Other hobbies I've had and still dabble in from time to time, web design, machine embroidery pattern design, memorizing I Love Lucy, lol, j/k on that one. but seriously, my husband took me to hobby lobby a few monthes ago, and told me I needed a hobby. I looked thru the whole damn store, didn't find anything. Let it simmer abit, and decided I wanted to dress my chihuahua. I've been having a blast ever since, and the days fly by! So explore your interests, and don't let others get you down, as they aren't in your shoes!

Answer 9

Look , as to your statement , many many ladies out there would love to be in your shoes . But for them , here is a good example that , life is not that rosy over here too !!!!
1 > what you should do, is to take up exotic cooking lessons and prepare those dishes for your husband , Friends and family.
You will get a satisfaction as to what you are capable of!!!
2 > Gym exercise to maintain your figure so as to rub shoulders with high society. Driving skills , swimming etc.
3 > Others social , beneficial activities if you wish .
All in all , answer the question - What are you capable / fit for ?? Then it will enlighten you.

Answer 10

WOW there is sum1 out there feelin' the same as me. Ive been with him for 4 years married 3 years. The one thing I would and could recommend is volunteering. There is always someone out there that may use and need your help. I think if your husband is not complaining about you not working and "contributing" then dont have any bad feelings towards yourself. He sees it as you contributing in other ways. Like you said you do the house chores that is considered work. Dont be so hard on yourself , you did the first thing and reached out. Take care girl