Say, has anyone out there had an emotional investment in a relationship in which they thought the other person was The One... By this I mean never (or seldom) an arguement and you are seemingly PERFECT in every aspect... Then you find out that this person is either on a completely different page than they are regarding marriage, they are dating you but seem to be still looking for the BBD (Bigger, Better Deal) or they do something that just screams, "I'm not as serious as you are?" It might be that they pulled a fu*k azz stunt or you caught them in a lie or anything at all. Then you realize you made a grave mistake. Your opinion of relationships in general is shattered. Stories?
2007-10-25 19:13:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the wonderful and informative answers!
2007-10-26 12:49:00 · update #1
Men rarely express their emotions. How long have you two been a couple? If its been a good while (over a year), then by now he should know where he is wanting to take the relationship, and if he isn't expressing any intentions to go for the "long haul" then it may be time for "the talk". Some of us men are understanding when it comes to "the talk" but some get freaked out and don't know how to react, so just warning you.
In my past, I married young to my first wife...but when I started dating my current wife (AND LAST...she's a great woman), we dated about 18 months and we always talked about our feelings about "the long haul" and it was easier cause we actually talked and it made me open up more cause she never pushed me.
That's my little story, and now we have been married 1 1/2 years and now have a 3 week old baby boy...
Good luck!!
2007-10-26 04:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by jim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should always be able to respect the person you are with and you should always be respected by that person.
I think one mistake we all make is not seeing what is right in front of us at all times,we are so blinded by emotions sometimes that we can't see red flags,we want so much for that person to be the one we want and need them to be,we want so bad for the excitement to always feel the same.
I do believe in love and romance,and I believe that the one is out there for everyone.
People do change and that hurts sometimes people turn out to be a holes sometimes after we have invested too much into the relationship,But don't let that stop you never give up keep looking he is out there if this guy is not the one!
And to everyone who has lost at love You were in love and wasn't that the greatest feeling you ever had? When we lose is when we don't allow ourselves to love again because one person has failed us!
we are all human !we will all screw up!
And I bet we have all hurt someone !
Respect who you are!
show respect and demand the same! and never give UP!
2007-10-26 07:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by me1234529 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Testing, testing...1-2-3. Been there, done that.
Look up to heaven and give thanks that the only investment you have made is 'emotional.' Some of us have given
22 years of our lives
our homes and all our personal belongings
our respect from friends and family
Perfect is as perfect does. If YOU aren't his 'bigger, better deal' as you say, HE SHOULDN'T BE YOURS. You can't build anything on a LIE. Don't let him do it or you'll be sorry.
Clearly he's too immature for a secure relationship. Send him hunting for that bigger, better deal. Wish him well in finding it.
2007-10-26 02:29:19 · answer #3 · answered by Jeannie Welsch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got out of a 7 yr relationship I knew he was the one we had our ups and downs like every relationship and you never saw one without the other one. We went through so much together. 5 yrs ago I became pregnant and at 5 months into the pregnancy the dr. realized my baby was going to die. They tried to get me to abort the baby but I said I wanted to be able 2 say I tried everything I could. My ex broke down and was there by my side the whole time. In Sept of 2002 our baby boy was born stillborn. Then after all this he there by my side when I was told i probably would never conceive again because of tumors and cysts, etc. Luckily I had surgery in Feb.2006 and became pregnant in Aug 2006 we have a healthy 5 month old son and 2 months ago we began to buy a house. He started going out all night, not coming home so I threatned to leave and he took me granted so I left . Plus theres more to the story that i dont wanna get into. Its just we had been through so much together I cant believe he could do me and our son this way. Thats all he talked about was wanting a family. I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN...he's a loser.
2007-10-26 02:29:15 · answer #4 · answered by luv2luvudee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember that men do not show their emotions like women to.
We tend to put them right on our sleeves and men keep them tucked away tight.
My daughter was dating a man she really cared for. She had a daughter, 1 yr old, that was from a previous union.
Well this baby started calling her new date, daddy.
I could see his heart swell but he would NOT admit it at all. Very guarded and everyone said, oh your daughter seems more in love then he does, sure hope she does not get hurt.
Well to make a long story short, they are married, he adopted the 1 yr old, and they just had a son, life is complete and he did not show emotion until the wedding, guess he felt safe to do so now...
2007-10-26 02:23:20 · answer #5 · answered by kitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we focus on the wrong things from people, but don't get disappointed, just learn about it and move on, not all the people is the same (yay!) believe me that is better that you learn this sooner than later (married, kids, etc...etc) at least the next time you will have more things in general to pay attention, before actually the disappointment feeling get over you.
Remember that mistakes are for learning something about a particular thing, but you have two choices: Learn and move on, or stay there and just suffer the consequence.
Be happy :)
2007-10-26 02:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by Dragonheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have finally found a man that is on my level. We have been dating for 2yrs. All has been going great until lately, I feel disappointed to know that the only thing he feels comfortable talking to me about is having a child together. I have just composed a letter tonight to tell him that we are too old to be waisting each other's time. If I am not what he is looking for then we can end this now. When he finally talked to me about marriage he would say that he wants me to clean more and wash our clothes, etc. I told him that if he wants a maid I suggest he leaves now because this is what you get! I will be waiting to see his response once he reads my thoughts about him lately.
2007-10-26 04:25:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, one i invested 3 years of my life in. The other I invested 12 years of my life with.
Both knew the game very well. I was so caught up in my love for them, I couldn't see the red flags. I wasted 15 years of my life, and am starting over again. The one I am dating now I really care about, but I am seeing red flags again.
What makes them think that they can just use you until they get tired of you, play with your emotions, then dump you. I treated these men like gold. I actually worshiped the ground they walked on. Both are with bi#ches that cheat on them and treat them like shi# now, and they seem content!! Go figure!!
2007-10-26 02:27:02 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My would have to be a girl I was going to marry. Then she came to me on a rainey Monday morning while I was a diner and she came by in her car and motioned me to come the car. She rolled down her window and told me through her tears she had been seeing another guy for the last year!! You could of knocked me down with your finger! We had been together for 5 years and I was in shock! Years later a guy I worked with knew the guy she was seeing. And in the midst of the conversation he kind of made my day! He told me that she and this guy got in an arguement because she kept calling my instead of his! Oops!! Looking back, it ended up being the right thing because my wife and I have been married 17 years now and have beautiful daughter too!
2007-10-26 09:23:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know were always looking for the perfect mate...we have to realize we are living in a inperfect world with inperfect people.we will argue ,have good times.sometimes are expectations are too high for real humanbeings.I think most people expect the (supers)to come rescue them.anyways,yes I have ups and downs it's normal I came to realize.don't set your bar to high.how do u know when it's too high,ask yourself can I accomplish or do the things I want my mate to do.if refus to,keep waiting on the sequel to "incredibles".
2007-10-26 03:38:10 · answer #10 · answered by keke T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋