Suppose your spouse belittled your child, spent the family money in bars and stip clubs, blamed his actions on you and basically ran your life into the ditch with repeated acts of selfishness and irresponsibility for ten years (with periods of stability in-between the crisis episodes).
Suppose he then woke up one day and felt great remorse, realizing all the damage he had caused and time he had wasted. Suppose he moved out and and was determined to change his behavior, but only after almost physicallly injuring your child while in a rage.
If he went to counseling while you were separated...and seemed to have learned effective ways of handling life, would you take the risk of rejoining the family? How would you know he had changed for real? If you decided to leave him even after all the work he had done to turn things around, would that be immoral?
2007-10-25 18:33:20 · 12 answers · asked by whereRyou? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is in counseling at this time.
I am in counseling at this time.
Our son is in counseling at this time.
When hubby was good, he was very, very good, but when he was bad, he was horrid. I am tired and remaining skeptical. I have lost respect for myself and him both. I just wonder if one could even get it back and if there is a point in bothering.
2007-10-25 19:08:28 · update #1
I wouldn't take the chance, but that's me and only me. Unless I have been in therapy to overcome the abuse, to be able to trust in him (specially if thinking to let him rejoin the family)... but to be honest, I would take the therapy just to be able to move on, but no way again the same mistake.
Life is one, and you can not afford to give chances to people that doesn't seem to care on time, after time well, what for? ... regrets don't build happy life's ... and you are not alone, you have a child to fight to give the best you can, so focus in you and your child, good for him that he look for the help.
And about your second question "would that be immoral"... not at all, unless being unhappy is moral nowadays..... if that happened overnight, then don't follow morality please....
Be happy, do the best to make your child happy, that's all what it counts.
2007-10-25 19:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by Dragonheart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel uncomfortable going back to him, don't feel obligated to do so. He had his chance in the beginning. He needed to get himself together for his own sake, not just for yours and your child's sake.
You did not say how long he has been in counseling either. If it has only been a short time, I would give it time for him to start actually living like he has been taught in counseling. Going to counseling is one thing, living like that is another. Takes a serious lifestyle change that some people have a hard time adjusting to. A few months is not enough to prove anything.
Has an addict recovered when they quit drugs? No, they are IN recovery. It is the same with violent people. You can not change, in a few months, what was developed in many years.
2007-10-26 01:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, I would be all about the reconciling of this family if it were it not for the part about the "belittling" of your child , and the "almost physically injuring" the child, then his blaming of the marital problems on you.
NO, deciding to leave him after what you have described is completely just. No "work" he has done considering the toll taken on your children has been effective.
2007-10-26 01:55:33 · answer #3 · answered by Trauma31 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must be married to Ed. I was, too. Mine never changed. I subsequently divorced him. However, I'd suggest giving it the ole college try. WITH BOUNDARIES! The only way you're going to know for certain is if you take the chance. However, let him know the consequence is that you will leave him FOREVER, should he return to his old ways. It wouldn't be immoral to leave a man who is this mean-spirited and boorish. Put the safety of your child first, then consider your own feelings. Weigh the pros and cons. Good luck!
2007-10-26 01:58:42 · answer #4 · answered by MWestbrook 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never, if only for the safety of my child. Such behavior cannot be cured. Remember what your mother said about bad habits? It's hard to break. You have no obligation to take him back. It's not immoral at all. Even God gives us freedom of choice.
2007-10-26 01:50:37 · answer #5 · answered by meg g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should set up a meeting with the cousellor he was seeing and speak to him/her.
tell them about what was happening in the past and see if he/she thought that his behaviour had really improved etc and if he/she thought that it was a good idea to have him rejoin your family.
he could have easily seen a cousellor once, if that, and then returned to you as a "changed man" or maybe he really has changed and the one person who could really vouch for him would be the counsellor he saw.
maybe, if you do decide to take him back, you should get marriage couselling to see if you guys can make it work??
good luck...i understand your fears but i hope it all works out.
2007-10-26 01:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Especially when he injures his own child.
There's nothing moral when it comes to child abuse.
How do you know he went to counseling, he might be giving you more b.s.
2007-10-26 01:59:31 · answer #7 · answered by Rudy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would never ever go back to that pathetic slime u call a man. after injuring your child? what re u dumb or smth? this is your baby we re talking about. i would not only not go back, i would press charges and see that this slug will be punished for what he did. counselling. are u joking? he should be loading shi''t in a local prison
2007-10-26 01:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by yeahright 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off let me say this i'm not very happy with the answers some have given you for people need to have more knowledge about marige and life together befor they can even begain to giv proper answers.
Ok my answer to your qestion is . from what you say in your qestion i feel you do care about this person and you are already wanting to give this man a chance to finaly be a real part of your life.
And you also i feel realize people all make mistakes and people every man and women will sin in this life and commit small crimes sometimes large crimes of the heart etc.
Jessus knew that we all would sin and he knew that no man nor women could liv a life of no sin and there for gave his own life to save us all and to show the world there is forgiveness
one time god spoke to me when my life was as low as it could get and god spoke to me and i can still remember his words i felt and heard him say.
How can all of you not forgive each other when i have forgiven all of thee. and how can all of you not know love when i have loved the world so much to give my son who then gave him self to save you. and how can yee not know love when my love is all around you. the love of a mother who has bared you and carried you and not just felt is also shown and shared with all around it.
We know if we love another and we know this by the warm calm feeling we have around another although at times we are blinded by hate lust fame and fortune and foolish desires and fevers from disease. God has given us a gift ther gift of the holly spirit and for who cast a stone of hate and not repent has lost touch with the spirit and need to let it behole with them. and who can give to the poor and find love in the one you hate will come closer with the spirit and who can forgive another for somthing they know not of what they done wrong shall have shown they are with the spirit for the spirit is one with in us all and is a sense of love and hope and faith and trust in each other for no man and women can liv a life of no sin for sin is all around us and one that is close with the spirit with god in there heart will have strength to see past what blinds them and one close with the spirit can help to heal and cure the ones that are lost and controlled by lust hate greed and fame and fortune and un forgiven sorrows.
God blessed us all please carry his blessing and let his spirit be one with you and its not hard and you know its there cause you have already felt and heard it and tis why you have asked this qestion in the first place .
well i hope that helps and god bless you child and may you see the answer and understand it.
2007-10-26 13:09:01 · answer #9 · answered by mb 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nah. That would be done for me. You and your child will be walking on eggshells. Its not about him and all his "work" ( and since when is it so admirable to "work" on not being an abusive ******). Its about your kid, what is best for your kid is not growing up walking on eggshells. I say nopenopenope. Let hubby work alone. good-luck.
2007-10-26 10:22:18 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋