im very vain and hung up over my appearence, is there any point?

Question

im a bpd and ptsd sufferer, im 30 years old. my plight now is to recover from these illnesses.....accomplish a happy life....attain things ive never had.... a loving woman....friends....move away from the uk to a nice hot place

but the problem is, ive prematurley aged quite bad, im an ' old ' 30, not a young looking 30.
im bald, i have physical imperfections, damaged nerves in my right knuckle...two missing teeth...at the front, bottom row.

i have torn ankle tendons in my right ankle..

i have a crooked little finger due to mallet finger, where i injured it.
my face has aged....dark lines under my eyes..
im trying to save up for dental implants.
but im worrying because its not like i will be able to attract an attractive partner once ive worked on my problems..

who will want me?
its all about looks now, and looking young, having a full head of hair, young skin. full set of teeth etc..

does anyone else have an opinion about this or is aged & has imperfections?

Answer 1

You are right about the teeth - but really, the rest of it - eh, not so much.

Women get used to the idea by the time they are 30 or so that if you get a BF withhair - he will lose it - so we aren't nearly as attached to the idea of having a BF with hair as you think.

And as far as the rest, I think you are simply being hard on yourself .Crooked finger? whoopeedoo. really, no biggie. And perhaps having some unrealistic expectations? I mean, are you hoping to date a 22 yr old hottie?, or someone you more appropriate for your age and such?



being single is hard, we all have these same worries, but life is hard enough....try not to be hard on yourself as well.

Answer 2

First, you are not alone. I see you are depressed, taking it out on yourself and see no future. Chemical problems are destructive; I know, I've been there. Put the relationship, move, and material things on the back burner for now. Forget your baldness and other things about you that don't damage you physically. Get treatment for chemical balance and talk therapy. You are young and have time to seek medical, dental, mental and physical treatment. Take them one at a time. Recovery is a process, not an event. Be very patient. Work with your diet, exercise. AND most of all, seek self esteem by seeing what you like about yourself. Seek a spiritual life, not a religious one. You never know, while 'becoming' who you want to be you will most likely 1) become satisfied and have fun tackling these things - QUIT WORRYING (it saps your strength & soul); 2) find a loving woman who 'digs' bald men with crooked fingers; 3) start slowly to aquire what you need; 4) you might get a miraculous opportunity to move to a 'nice hot place'. Along the way, remember that it's what's inside you that is most important and what you project to the outside world is key to new relationships and your experiences.
P.S. By the way, I live in a nice hot beach town and I want to move to the U.K. Go figure! But, my american dollars are pffft in other currency. Good blessings on you friend.

Answer 3

Oh boy, you are a typical victim of this society with their superficial self images. Do you really believe that the physical is the most important? I can't believe that you are that naive! If you think that no woman wants you because you have some missing teeth, etc. then you have programmed yourself in the poorest way possible and with this of course no woman wants you!
To change your established self image you will need to work on this and that's real work and not that easy as letting make an implant or putting a wick on your bald head.
When you are talking about your healing, then the most important is that you heal yourself from your attitude and your limited self image. That's the problem you need to work on and for sure not your crooked little finger.
Oh boy, stop this infantile games with yourself and grow up! You are ready for this!
BeiYin

Answer 4

Here are things you can do to boost your self esteem.

Listen to "your song" that always boosts you up when youuare low, and sing it outloud.

sit down and write down your talents. So you sing, write, talk to people well, help others, sports, whatever it is, write it down.

After you write it down, look at it and say outloud, "I am good at..... and go down the list." Then go and do them. Doing things we are good at always makes us feel more confident.

Exercise and do it at least four times a week.

Cut out all sugar from your diet. It has been known to cause depression and addiction in somepeople if eaten in excess.

write a letter to all people who have had a negative effect in your life, whether your fault or theirs. Tell them you are sorry and why, or why you are mad at them. You don't have to send it, just get it out of your system. It has been proven to help people who are grieving, and we are all grieving to a point...

Read an entire book. A good book, not a trashy novel. Read Angelas Ashes, or a Map of the World, or Running with Scissors. When you read about a life that is more messed up then yours, you feel greatful for what you have, and it opens your eyes a bit. Also, finishing something makes you feel more confident.

Take a class and learn somethingyou never thought you could. I am taking a math class that I never thought I could, and I am actually doing pretty good. I know now I can do it and that makes me feel smart.



The point of all of this to to find confidence in yourself. Once you tap into your confidence and draw that out, women will come to you. Confidence is the biggest attactant than any muscle or full head of hair there is. And it will make you a better person and feel great.

I wish you luck... don't worry... everything will fall into place eventually.

Answer 5

Sounds like you are having a rough time right now. It will get better. I was recently involved in a life changing accident which has left some scars and a couple of limitations and like you I thought who is going to want me now. But there is someone out there who does want you. Rather then focusing on your outer beauty, try and find out what makes you so beautiful on the inside, and let that shine through. Besides when you do find that loving woman are you really going to be worried about what she looks like 40 years from now? Love yourself and you will be surprised how quickly your life falls into place.

Answer 6

The dark lines are from worry once u feel beeter they fade that happens to me when i'm in bad shape. I'm prematurely balding and i wear a hat to cover it. Most of the things u mentin tendon fingers etc are not noticable one u get the implants u be fine. Even without that looks are overated unless ur in with the hollywood set it is not as important as tv would have u think

Answer 7

You need to stop worrying about your looks and worry more about your PERSONALITY. If you put as much time and energy into making yourself a fun, interesting, NICE person, you could attract a fun, interesting, NICE woman. She might not be gorgeous -- but she will be someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Get a hobby, one that women enjoy too. Take some classes. Lighten up. ENJOY life and you will find someone to enjoy it with.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Don't worry so much, it will cause you to age. As we all get older looks aren't the only thing we want. A caring man who wants to enjoy life with us is more important to us. Getting your teeth fixed will help but don't worry about the hair. It happens to a lot of men and us women are used to it. Good luck!