he cheated with someone that he let became my friend afterwards. then when i filed he would not pay the court cost and it has not been final yet. he says he loves me and wants me back. that it was a one time thing. i do love him still with all my heart. but i am not sure of what to do. i need some advice on what other people think. help me.
2007-10-25 17:22:27 · 32 answers · asked by ermykatie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be free and go with one of his friends and see how he feels about that, then take him back.
He wouldn't take you back if you cheated on him. If you go back to him he will cheat remember this when he does it again.
2007-10-25 17:47:30 · answer #1 · answered by Guessing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember, loving him means you love everything about him. Even when he is with another woman. Love can not be measured in units. It's like this...."I love you when you do this and you dont do that. That is very conditional.
You may hate some of the things that he does, but you still love him, right? Ex. Do you still love him when he pays more attention to the football game than he does to you?
However, love and marriage are two different things. While love has no boundaries, marriage does. What do you expect out of the marriage? What does he expect? What do you two expect from each other? Maybe you should sit down and talk about what your expectations are of each other, yourselves, and the marriage.
Also... Remember, every action has a reaction. It also has a pre-action. What caused him to cheat? Maybe the two of you can get down to the root of the problem. You can fix the symptoms, but the disease will still be there.
2007-10-25 17:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by jcdunton30 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd finish off the divorce and make him sweat it out. Hey, he wasn't thinking about you then, right. He knew all along what he was doing. Stand firm and don't back down. Men will push at almost anything to get their way(men like this anyway). Their usually great liars. I know cause I'm going thru it w/ mine. Well, not any more as of very recently. That's why us women get shi....on so much cause our hearts melt when we feel were in great need for passion love care ect..... You can still have this and not be married to the guy. If he lied to you about the other w then what else is he lying about. Guys like this ly all the time and can't be trusted unless your willing to suffer the consequences later on. Get rid of him and move on. A good woman deserves a good man. Keep it movin and don't look back. God Bless.
2007-10-25 17:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen he doesn't want to spend the money for the divorce and likes having a wife to depend on when he is not cheating. TRUST ME do not TRUST him, he has cheated once of what you know and he will do it time and time again. How can you still be in love with someone who did not care about your feelings and preferred to sleep around with another woman hoping secretly you wouldnt find out and then when you did beg you to take him back. Even though you love some one it does not mean its right to get back with them, trust me I think you need to wait patiently for the divorce but do not take him back, any other situation other than (abuse) I would have said give him a chance but not when he didnt give your relationship and love for him a chance because he cheated and coudlnt care less until you found out and i wouldnt be suprised if he used the 'i was drunk' line too. I hope you stand up for yourself and get the courage to get on with your life and meet new people and hopefully someone who treats you as the princess that you deserve to be treated as. good luck hunny!
2007-10-25 17:37:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is get some counseling together before you decide whether to give him another chance. If you are separated now, keep it that way for a while and let him earn his way back into the home and make sure he understands, if you do decide to give him another chance, that one more time and there is nothing left but the divorce. It may hurt now if you decide that divorce is the only option but when you find a man who will love you and not cheat on you it will be worth it and if your husband wants to be that man he has to prove to you that you can trust him again. i wish you happiness whichever path you choose!!
2007-10-25 17:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's one thing for him to cheat on you with a stranger, but a friend?? I feel the respect and love.
You should do what you want to do because no matter what anyone tells you, only you can determine what is right or wrong for you. But has he changed? has he tried? is he all words and no action? Has he showed resentment? Has he shown you that he will go through all measures to get you back? I think these are questions you should ask yourself. Love is hard and confusing. Seek the best interest for you. Don't worry about him. This is one of those times that you have to put yourself first. WHAT DO YOU TRULY WANT?
2007-10-25 17:33:43 · answer #6 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi.I know how difficult you're feelin.Why is it our heart seems so stupid most of the the time?logically speaking i would say not to have him back because he might cheat again.But do you know the reason why he cheated on you?I know it sounds odd because no matter what reason there is,if he truly loves you he is not gonna cheat unless otherwise he is so weak and was carried over by somebodyelses' ludicrous seductive acts.However,if you do love him why not give him a second chance and be a new woman the best you can be.Forget the past and start a new relationship with him.It sounds martyr but love makes the world go round.If in case he cheats again then let him go.A second mistake is not a mistake anymore,it might be his nature.Do you have children by the way?If you want to chat.I woud love to because I am on the same boat....contact me.
2007-10-29 16:48:31 · answer #7 · answered by lala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I pray that whoever "I'm back again" that gave his answer to your question is NOT your husband. Whoever he is he's a low-life idiot who obviously is in misery!!! Back to your question: Your husband committed a terrible act against his marriage, your trust, your love. He added insult to injury by his adulterous act when he allowed you to befriend the person he committed this act with. You had every right to file for the divorce but I have a feeling that you were bluffing in order to keep him. Court costs paid by him is not a reason not to finalize the marriage if that is what you really wanted to do. If you are not financially able to pay these costs there is always Legal Aid and better yet, a waiver of fees due to financial hardship. Having said that lets get back to your emotions. As humans we are not able to predict nor control most of our emotions, especially love. As much as it hurts we sometimes have to let go. Believe me (I know this from personal experience) you will get over it. Time heals ALL wounds. I believe when we love someone, especially our spouse, we should always let them know it. By word, deed and act. However, many partners take this as a weakness. I really think that you should give your husband a second chance. Not because you "love him with all your heart" but because we all make mistakes in our lives and many times we are truly remorseful for them. I would let my husband know that under no uncertain terms will I ever accept any unfaithfulness again. It will take a very long time for you to ever fully trust him again. You will often wonder "is he still seeing her or someone else." Don't dwell on these thoughts. You know your husband, act accordingly. Commit yourself to your vows. Be kind, loving and supportive. Assure him that you will do everything you can to make your marriage work but that it will only work if he is totally faithful to only you. Do not make the mistake of letting him know that you cannot live without him (you really can!) As far as the "friend" goes, do not allow her in your home. Do not speak to her, do not bring her up in coversation or anger. Let it go! If he really loves you he'll stay. If not, he never belonged to you in the first place. I wish you all happiness.
2007-10-25 18:24:52 · answer #8 · answered by mary w 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My x husband cheated on me also, in a most painful way, i also loved him with all my heart..... but..... i knew i would never be able to move past what he had done, also lies were told and basicially i felt the trust we had built up over 12 years was totaly destroyed, i couldnt live, wondering, thinking and i knew id always bring it up or make a comment....Morally i have a very strong views on it,it took me 2 months to ponder,get angry, cry, grieve before i realized i respected myself more than to be treated this way,and the marriage was ended, with me starting legal procedings, having said all that, this is your life and you have to make the decisions that will make you happy... no it doesnt mean the marriage will have to end.. its all in your hands here.
Only you know you, can you forgive and move forward with him....without throwing it in his face when you have a tiff or whatever. Can you trust him again?
Is he making an effort to save your marriage? Is he remorseful, and truely sorry for his actions? Does he know and realize the hurt he has created?
Take your time to think, dont be rushed by him or anyone else...... Goodluck.....
2007-10-25 17:47:10 · answer #9 · answered by smileyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Studies prove, that once a cheater, always a cheater! And where was all his so called love, when he was out banging this other woman? Is that love? I mean really? Is this what you truly believe a man does to the woman he loves? I really believe this is the actions of a man who isnt resposible nor mature enough to be in a marriage, and in life, we must be able to trust the actions of a person, not words, him saying, I love you and want you is nothing more then words, his actions are what really proves his feelings for you, and take a long look at how he has shown you his actions, by sleeping with another girl, wow, thats beyond disrespectful, its down right dirty, so if this is what you want, a man who you cant trust, and believe me, you will never be able to trust him again, stay with him, but if this were me, Id be out of his life faster then a new york minute!
2007-10-25 17:39:04 · answer #10 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be careful. What if you take him back and have children, then he goes and does it again?
Don't take him back without accountibility and counseling. He must tell her in front of you (preferably by phone) to never contact him again by email, phone, in person, text msg or any method and that he doesn't love her. This way you really know it's over. This sneaky secret was done in private so it must be brought out in the open - he should confess it to your minister, your families. He owes everyone an apology!!!
She is no friend! Do not see her. Forgive, but do not give more opportunity to wreck your marriage.
Read Divorce Busters book, get support for yourself.
2007-10-25 17:38:13 · answer #11 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋