Do you like this story,its not finished, just do you like it ?

Question

It has been thought that everyday is different from another, what may have been seemingly the same setting. Has changed from the way the sun burned in the sky . Or the a little girl, wishes to be loved, but there was nobody around to help her through the quiet and lonesome night. In the cold , quiet night , she lie in a corner with her eyes, glowing anicently in the night.\par
She looked around at the fire infused from outside her window , she listened to the guys sitting around in a circle . At the drunk bastards , at twevle she was starting to understand, that she needed to escape. Before long, their flirting would hurt her, like the girls, she saw them bring over from the strange land. With their hands tied behind their backs, clothing barely covering the girls bodies . Everytime they bring over these girls, she hides in a corner, somewhere dark. She watches how obediently , they force their bodies on the ground, underneath. While someone cuts in them, without any feeling. She didn't know what they were doing, what real caring, and compassion was, or meant. But in her heart she know, their had to be something more,than the way those girls got treated.
Looking around at her surroundings, in the chill of the night, she took the only light she had got. Some old lantern hanging on the door, that night she made up her mind to found somewhere , found a new safe heaven .
She snook into one of the mens room , went into the closet, to get one of their fur leather jackets. It was cold that night, she would more installation than her ragged dress, with bare feet, she need a good pair of decent boots. But she went around everywhere, all the chores, her master made her, she did in her bare feet, so that was her only option. With her slender brown hair her put up in her last deer skin, pony tail holder . Grabbing her slash, stole all the gold , where her masters hide it from intruders. They didn't think she knew where it was. Although, she had been anywhere, since she had been sold, didn't know altogether the importance of the gold. She had an idea, that it was important. When she saw, her masters exchanger it for yeast, and other tools , foods. Took enough meat to last her couple of days , planning to walk to the nearest town. It wouldn't be long till her masters came back in she would feel and hear the wind growing stronger, her master would came back in from the bon fire outside.\par
Standing tall, stronger, large oversized fur coat , she put on the hoodie around her head. Long brown bangs dangling in front of her brown eyes. She went out to find, and fight the night.

Her bare feet felt the first cold steps , with the cold ground beneath her. The air choking her deep breathes,from the cold harsh air . Getting further and further, with every lounge of a step she took deep into the unknown forest. The more she contemplated whether she should turned back, the woods surrounding her in the black of the night. She didn't whether she was heading deeper in the wilderness or closer to the outside.

don't comment if you didn't read, that wasn't my question.

Answer 1

too long to read

Answer 2

er how shall I put this without hurting your feelings. It has it's good points, but is very jumbled and unclear in parts. Your descriptions are waxing poetic beautifully, so you have ability and should keep trying, but I would start afresh using this as a base to work from If I were you, and do start off with a bit of background (and a description of the characters as they enter the story would help it to come alive.) Persevere love and I am sure you will come up with a great story in the end, and have written it well also. Best wishes and good luck,
Dot.x.

Answer 3

I really like it so far!

The only constructive critism I have is you should vary your words a little bit. For example, you used the word "cold" a lot. But that's the only suggestion I can think to give. Keep it up!

Answer 4

First off I don't want to sound rude but do you use spell check? The only part I really understood was the last paragraph. That I thought was good.

Answer 5

I really like it. Too bad its not a full book. I would definetly read it!! its awesome, keep writing!

Answer 6

I didn't read it all, but I skimmed it
I'm a writer too (but i write screenplays) and I liked it so far...

Answer 7

too weird--I lost interest half way through the second paragraph--sorry, but you asked for HONEST opinion.

Answer 8

i guess you need to modify it to catch more readers...

but i believe you got the spirit to write.. So go for it!!!!

Answer 9

i didnt feel like reading so ill just say yes

Answer 10

I didn't read it and trust me,no one did!